Things are Weird I Guess
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| Thu, 04-06-2006 - 7:25pm |
Well...not to new guy keeps calling and coming into my work. I mean, he always comes into work (even before we had started dating) during the evening, but now he's coming by himself for lunch and sitting in my section. Last night I worked a double and he came in twice. He was talking to one of the other girls and she gave me crap about it. Apparently he kept telling her his sob story. He told her that he just really liked me, was falling in love with me, and that he just got scared and that was why he was being to mean to me. - Come on...the guy is almost 33 years old and acting like a kid. You're not mean to people that you like! Anyway, this girl got mad at me b/c she said that I was being mean to him, etc. - Come on! Let's be adults here! So, while he was sitting at the bar, messing with me every time I passed to check on my tables he would try and stop me or grab my arm, etc. Before I left I told him that he was being rude and childish. I told him that I didn't go to his work and start crap w/ his co-workers and that I didn't appreciate him doing it to me. Well...that set him off and he cursed me, very loudly, in front of everyone that I work with, my managers, and the customers. I was glad that I had clocked out and was leaving, otherwise I would've had to put up with him even more. After I left he blew up my phone calling and apologizing (leaving messages - I didn't answer). So, he came in today, didn't even eat, and just sat there!
On a different note, crush came in last night too. We've been talking, only as friends, and I feel okay with that. I guess when you don't act like you want someone anymore (which I don't) and you're just "you," then they realize what they missed out on. So, he sent me an email last night asking me if we could start dating again and go out some time. I haven't responded yet, which I'm going too, esp. since I still do like him, but I don't really want to be with him. I guess I just contradicted myself, huh? He's just a hard habit to break I guess. But...I know that if I go out with him on a date then old feelings are going to get in the way, and I don't want to run into that again if nothing is going to come of it, you know? I don't mean a serious relationship, but he really did hurt me and I just don't want to go through that again. But...what if he does miss me and wants to be with me? Whatever the case, if we do go out...I'm not going to sleep with him again, I have already decided that!
As for the doctor guy, I'm having a good time with him. We've talked about things and I told him that I wasn't ready for some full blown serious relationship. I told him that I would just like to date, casually, and just see where things go.
When it comes down to it, I'm not ready for some heavy relationship. I think that during this entire year following my divorce I felt that I was missing something, and I just figured it was that companionship that I missed/wanted/needed. However, I think I was just missing me...lol. During the whole entire separation/divorce process, and even through the whole bad marriage, I lost who I was/am. I need this time to take "me" into consideration, and I'm going to use it. I realize that I don't NEED anyone to make me happy. And when and if I do get in a relationship, it's going to be on my terms, not anyone else's. I think I'm doing good right now. I'm spending time with my daughter, who needs it so very much, working, being able to pay my bills (in full for a first...lol), going to school, and just being happy with who I am for the first time in a VERY VERY long time.
As for singing the national anthem, I meet with the committee this coming Tuesday...wish me luck...I'm excited! I'm auditioning not only for the PBR, but for our 4 day rodeo (where famous country singers come to perform as well) in August! I'm excited!!!
Kait

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Kait,
Ask anyone from DASP ;) I can NOT STAND that smothering crap. I just don't/can't work that way. My need for personal space and time is HUGE, so I know what you mean about being intense. If some guy told me he loved me 2 weeks in, I would FREAK and run. Some girls really need this, and I totally understand. The reason why I have so many dating issues is because I always seem to meet guys who fall so fast and hard for me that it scares the bejesus out of me and is just plain annoying. I need space people! Back up!
With my recent OLD experience (though I cancelled it now, it's not for me, and I have another issue with a guy right now anyway that is holding me back from even wanting to date at the moment until I get it resolved), I have been very honest and upfront that I am not the kind of girl who is going to want to talk to a guy every day nor do I need to spend time with them 24-7. At least in the beginning. I think it's fair and lets them know where my line is. I had to tell two guys I didn't see things going anywhere because they didn't seem to get that. If they can't respect me right up front when they are in "trying to impress me mode", I don't see them doing it any differently later on.
Go with your instincts with this guy. If he's too intense now, he'll only get way worse later.
I also think that if you liked this guy more you could care less if people were staring. Why are some people so ignorant about that anyway!?!
hugs sweetie, I know it's not easy,
--snow
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