Things fitting too well

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Things fitting too well
6
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 6:35am

I lurk here a lot but haven't had much to post about. I have been dating around off and on for a year, but I haven't really had a strong connection with anyone. I did spend a lot of time with one guy who I kept thinking "if this is a phase and he gets out of this, it may work", but he never got out of that phase...lol.

Anyway, I have met someone now who is just wonderful. We were friends for several months before we started dating. We have a mutual long-term friend, and she agrees that he is wonderful (it was good for me to have somebody who has known him for a while after what happened in my marriage). Because I am jaded, I keep looking for something wrong with him (what's the catch?), and I am trying to just enjoy what we have. We had our first DTR yesterday because we wanted to make sure there are some physical boundaries so we don't get sucked in too fast (it is sooooo hard). We both have a tremendous respect for each other and do not want to hurt the other person by going too fast too soon. It has only been a month since we have really started the dating part--we have hung out together as friends since last summer.

Anyway, I love how everything fits so well--his dd, my dds, us, our way of parenting, etc. I was trying to keep my options open and still see others, but after a date last week that was annoying at best, I don't see how I can. I am enjoying my time with him too much, and everyone else seems like a waste of my precious time. I have enough social outlets without adding another with "dating random people." This isn't the formula I wanted to follow because I wanted to make sure I wasn't settling, but I really don't think I am settling at all...so far it is too good to be true. I tend to drop them fast when I see a dealbreaker because I am too busy as it is...anyone else get exclusive before they wanted to in theory? lol

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Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 8:49am

I had to look up DTR - and found it means define the relationship - very good - we will all have to remember that one!!

Anyway, the important thing - is how does he feel about you and the relationship? Because it sounds like you really like him but you are unsure.

If you want more time there is nothing wrong with going slow, enjoying what you have and keeping eyes open.

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Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 10:05am
I personally have gotten to a point where even though I am not ready to declare some sort of exclusivity I am ready to stop dating other people so I can focus clearly on the person who I THINK I am really into. I dont know whether that makes sense but I think for me it is a natural progression of things. I just get too crazed and annoyed trying to date a bunch of people at once when I would rather be delving into one person who I am really getting on with and thinking might be a great match. You dont even need to have conversation about it at this point unless you expect him to stop dating others as well. But I have done this and said nothing because it is just my own decision and I know it helps me decide whether or not I really do want the exclusivity from them. I can see the one person more clearly when I have removed the other possibilities because if you have three people going on at once for example, one persons shortcomings are compensated by the other's attributes. Like I might date someone who doesnt like the kind of music I do but loves the same outdoor activities - not a problem since I am dating someone else that week who will attend concert with me. But once I try out just one person and clear the others out, I have to see whether the plus's outweigh some of the thing that dont match up as much. And like I said, I keep these things to myself because in my book it is your decision to arrange your social life in whatever way you know will help lead you to success, right?
Lilypie - Personal picture
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 1:32pm

I think that is it--I just don't want to have to keep up with anyone else, and I do think I have found a keeper.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 7:36am

I think I have changed my mind and have decided to back up a little.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 8:08am

Okey dokey, reading through the post and I

 
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 10:20pm

This perspective did help, but I must admit the whole "rebound" thing confuses me.