Things rolling down hill........
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| Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:14pm |
OK, looks like I don't have to worry about this weekends softball issue, because a turn of events has made me consider cutting my losses.
M and I have known each other for a little over 3 months, but exclusive over 2. You kind of get to that point after that, that you start thinking about the next course of the relationship. The first 3 months you date, the second 3-6 months you start taking a further step into the relationship and realizing the good the bad the ugly and if you can accept it. 6-9 months you are making plans and 9-12 you pretty much know if you want to be with this person a long time or not. I mean, this isn't how it always is, but basically when you talk to married couples, they knew each other a year and then got engaged and a year later, got married. So that would total a complete 2 years.
Anyway.........
Over the great weekend we had, I of course got to thinking about all the differences but one thing I didn't talk about on the thread (and maybe this is why it got me to thinking) was the fact that we discussed where we see each other. M was going on about how when he sells his house (in a year) that he would like us to find one together and asked me about the kind of house I wanted, we wanted, etc. Just talk, but talk about our future and that he was planning on wanting to buy something with me to call ours. Then he said, he saw us together forever and that is why he wanted me in Florida, to meet his best friend. It made me feel like he saw us together for a long time which I think initially brought me to thinking about our relationship as it progresses, how we fit and don't. So we spent a lot of time cuddling this weekend and talking about us. Welll..... yesterday after my thread to you all, I called him and he told me that they put an offer on the house, one he can't refuse. I wouldn't have been able to refuse it either. But he did counter offer and told me he would tell me what would happen. A commerical realitor was interested for building development. Anyway, I don't hear from him and I gave him a quick call later after work and he tells me they accepted the offer and he's been on the phone with his girls, his parents, etc. He'll call me back.
Ok, that slightly jabbed me in the heart. Not only did he not tell me about the offer until I called, but then he called everyone else first about when he did take the offer. Maybe that is bratty of me, but after our initial conversations over the weekend and lately, I just kind of felt a little stab.
Sooooo... moving right along... he calls me back and tells me that he and the girls have to quickly find a new house within the next 2 months. That they will be going online tonight and start looking where they want to live and the stuff the realitor sent them. How the 3 of them have so much to do now, etc etc etc....
silence.........
no comment......
I guess I just wanted a relationship that was slow moving and the things we talked about this weekend. Suddenly, I feel totally out of the equation. As if I don't exist. I know it's his excitement and him and the girls finally having something larger and better and being able to afford more now, because of the huge extra chunk he got. However, I guess I wouldn't feel so left out if we never discussed us in that way. Finding something together in a year, yada, yada, yada. I kind of gave up thinking of moving or doing anything on my own because he asked me too give us a chance and I did. Now he's moving along without even a thought. I told him I can see him being pretty busy now with everything and he said, "Well, once the girls and I make a decision, I'll need help." No thanks.
Ok, so no, I don't expect myself to be included with someone I have only known a couple of months and no I don't expect to have a say so or anything else, but I guess it just was a blow that one minute he's talking about US, our future and the next thing I know I'm out of the equation for anything that we did talk about.
I know those things might not be important for some people, but I always hoped that one day I would have a partner that I could build something with together. We'd move into a place together. We talked about it being Alex's last year in middle school before I have to decide to move permanetly for at least the next 4 years for her high school. We talked about discussing that next spring, if we are still together. Well, now that isn't going to happen.
No, he won't move again in a year, no he won't rent, yes, he is going to find the right place that he and HIS girls want. Not what I might want, or the girls and doing it as a team. And you know what? It's his total right to do that and he totally deserves it. I have no right to expect anything, but I suddenly just feel like everything we talked about was a crock and I am highly considering, after 3 months to finally just cut my losses and go my own path again, as I had initially planned, without him. It's all about him and his unit right now and my and my unit is left out. That is ok, but I am not going to bend over backwards for anymore softball games, anymore family play time and I am just going to go my own way. I know he's excited, I am reallly happy for him, but honestly, I am going to be mean and selfish and be honest that: I don't want to hear about his and his girls new house.
Honestly, I think we've met our fork in the road. I had this exact topic with him and he said he wasn't going to sell that house overnight. Whatever.
I guess it's seriously time for me to just give it all up and realize that I'm either to early or to late in every relationship. I can't just have a normal freaking relationship where things just run their course, you plan, you dream you do things together, build things together and just make your home feel like a unit. I want to have a place with someone that I move into that allows me to choose my kitchen, my furniture, my colors on the wall and sign on that dotted line. Not move into someone's already owned house. To me it always feels like theirs, not ours.
I don't know why it upsets me so much, because I hardly know the guy, but I guess it's just the conversations we've had and how things can just change so quickly in less then 24 hours.

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We get into the place and sure enough it was a "2 bed - one room cottage" sitting at the edge of a stagnant river - across the river was a tree with two Pelicans hanging from fishing - they were there for the enitre time we ere there. YIKES!!!!!! My husbands friend (Ron) wanted to go out to a bar/grill for a few drinks - we get to this place and it is clearly a lesbian bar. Ron fancied himself to be quite a ladies man (gag me - he was super skinny, red hair that he had permed and kept the pick in his back pocket) and kept pointing out that all the ladies were looking at him. Well he sits and picks his nose like it's a totally normal accpetable dinner table activity - (I am gagging just writing and remembering this...) I cried the entire time we were away - I could tell weeks worth of stories about that cottage, Ron, the crazy people who stayed there...you name it....
LOL! I'm sorry, but the description of the "witch", the bar, the nose picking really made me laugh. How awful for you....
I haven't really met any type of poeple like that in M's company, but I have seen some really off the wall "folk". I am a very quesy person, so I think I would just get sick right then and their if I had to experience that. My X husbands parents in Germany are definitely not the most appropriately behaved and they have brought me to lost appetites and feeling nauscious. I really think that it is a world over issue with people on how/ by whom they were raised, verses where they were raised. M and his family are from the country but wonderfully behaved and then I think of his X wife and her husband and the thought of them just turns me green.
Especially the X now as I am learning more about her, if you read my newest thread.
I'm in the Triangle. I prefer the Crystal Coast beaches (Atlantic Beach and Emerald Isle). We went to Wilmington/Wrightsville for the day over Memorial Day weekend. It is only about a 2 - 2 1/2 hour drive so easily doable to go down and spend the day.
It is a small world. There are lots of small towns around here so you get out of Raliegh/Durham/Chapel Hill and there are all the good ole boys. I don't do rednecks at all but when you hear them talking country it is hard to know how far it goes. I'm not a snob but just don't want to deal with the rednecks. If I see a Confederate Flag I run!!!!
Small world.
Priscilla
LOL! The Confederate Flag in this area runs prettyyyyyyyy strong. In restaurants, gas stations, etc. If M would have had one, I would have run too.
I haven't been to Emerald Isle yet, but I've heard beautiful things about it. Wilmington is only 3hours away from me, so I like the drive down and spend the day surfing. Teh Carolina coast is a beautiful area and now has the number one beach in the country.
I try not to be a snob on how they talk, but some of them (mine included) have serious grammar issues and I am a huge stickler on grammar, so it makes it difficult sometimes to hold my tongue and not correct him.
Too funny. I can't take the bad grammar either.
Wow!!! you can get to Wilmington in 3 hours? From Charlotte? You must be really driving fast... How long have you been in NC?
It'll be two years in September. I lived in Wilmington at first for 3 months, but it was hard to find a job that paid more then 10 dollars an hour.
I live RIGHT on the outskirts of Charlotte in Matthews. Right off highway 17, so I jump straight on and bypass the inner city. That is why it doesn't take me as long as everyone else. Getting through Monroe is the worst though. After that, smooth sailing.
Oh my, I'm rolling over here!!
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