Think we are falling in love...watch out

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Think we are falling in love...watch out
7
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 11:20am

Hi all,

In the last couple of months I have posted about my intention to enjoy my single status and date freely, and I have tried to keep things simple.

For the past couple of months I have been spending most of my weekends with a younger man (Will) I first met online. We hit it off but we agreed to keep the relationship to friends with benefits. First off I will say that we were able to reach that agreement comfortably and that in itself showed me that there is a trust between us. With that trust, I have felt very much at ease sharing my bed with him.

Anyway we agreed also up front that we could date whomever we please. Weekend before last I went on a date with another man I have known for several years, who is also divorced. Things got a little intimate but we ended up not having sex. Honestly it was not easy to turn it down, but it just didn't feel right.

Since that time I have been honest with myself and realized that it's not as simple as keeping things compartmentalized. People on the boards warned me and I knew it too, but we figured it was worth the try.

So last weekend Will came over to stay again while the kids were with my Ex-H. I felt so comfortable being back with Will and I opened up to his affections. We had wonderful sex that I realized was really lovemaking. I had not felt so satisfied in years.

Afterwards we were lying in bed and laughing and chatting and joking. I couldn't hold it back and I got choked up as I told him I might not be able to hold up to my end of the deal. I told him I really respect him and enjoy being with him and want to get to know him better. I said it might be a mistake if we spend our weekends together and have nothing to show for it. My whole shell basically cracked. He took a deep breath and told me he could understand and that he really likes me too.

On Sunday morning we went to a brunch and we were both staring into each other's eyes. I told him I would like to really date, to not keep things hidden, to let him meet my kids. He took my hand and just smiled. Gulp.

So, it looks like my pursuit of short-term relationships may not happen after all. Thanks for the warnings. All I can say is I am glad that I went ahead and told him how I felt and we didn't have to unnecessarily destroy a potential relationship. He is coming over tonight for dinner and I am going to introduce him as my friend to my kids.

I'm trying to work through the fear of commitment and fear of heartbreak and just enjoy it. We're not going to rush things, but we are going to let things happen naturally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 9:15pm

I think this is a wonderful story. I mean, sure, it speaks to the fact that many people can't handle FWB's, but it seems as if it'll all work out in the end for you.

Be aware though that this is not usually the way it happens for people, so consider yourself extremely lucky!

Good luck with dinner tonight, and with your budding relationship on its new level.

Moody, who hasn;t ever had a FWB turn out the ways has


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 9:59pm
This is a wonderful story - and as Moody says you are lucky because not all FWB situations turn out like this. I am so happy you were true to yourself and stated how you felt and what you wanted. Keep it going and keep us posted!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 11:19am

Thanks for your well-wishes!

The dinner went well and the kids and Will hit it off.

I was a little apprehensive of the kids saying "the darndest things," you know how that can be. I asked them beforehand to be polite and not ask too many questions.

Will was very comfortable and the kids really just stuck to small talk. My son especially was talkative, telling Will all about his soccer team, asking him about his favorite basketball team, etc. etc.

Amazing how my attitude has changed since last weekend! It was a huge relief to get it out in the open. I've been on cloud nine and I am as I type this. I look forward to another weekend with Will, another weekend building toward a new relationship.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:48am

Glad things went well!

I had to share a "kids say.." moment that happened after my kids met funnyguy. It was maybe our second time with him and the kids together, and completely out of the blue, the Princess says to me, "Momma, do you miss my dad?" WHOA.

The things is, she has NO memories of this man. She's seen him in the wedding album, which is in a cupboard high in my closet, she's seen pics of him at my in laws', and she knows his name. That's it. This child is 5 and hasn't seen him since two weeks before her first birthday when he came for a two day visit. We split when I was pregnant, tried again, and split for good she was 4 months old, so he's never been in her life.

For her to ask me that in front of funnyguy when she never has before tells me that she's going to get attached to a man easily, and to proceed with caution. We've been doing a lot of things when the kids are at a sitter's, but the kids ask about him- in fact, I was on the phone with him yesterday and Droid asked to talk to him. We're not coming home until tomorrow, so this has been a break for all of us.

Luckily, funnyguy knew the story, and has had enough experience with kids to know basically what was going on there, but all in all, I try to remind my children that some conversations are better had at home, and in private.

Moody, ready to be home


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:36pm

Funny story. So true too.

Kids really aren't afraid to tell the truth sometimes even when it is brutally honest and I think they really like to hear adults tell the truth. That and sometimes they like to control the scene.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 4:36pm

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:28am

I take it you've met my daughter, the controlling drama queen?!?

She's adorable to everyone else, precocious to her teacher, and incredibly high maintenance to me.

This child can and does make friends EVERYWHERE (standing in line at disney, she met anyone under the age of 15), in the airport waiting room she was the group leader for seven little children, most of them older than her.

But, good heavens, when she tries to pull that with me, do we ever have battles. You'd think she was 16 instead of almost 6!

Moody, not sure the princess will make it to 16 before her mother locks her away in a convent!


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