Thinking about the date guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Thinking about the date guy
11
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 9:42pm
And although I thought he was adorable and all, I just didn't feel any sparks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 9:51pm

Hi Lizs33,

I'm glad you had a good time on your date (beats some of the crazies out there...lol). Remember that not everybody has that initial "spark" when they meet though it would be nice.

Going on a second date sounds great. Give yourself time...if it is a friendship that comes out of this meeting and you're ok with that, Great! Have fun and enjoy his company!

Good luck!

Happy mom to 3 wonderful Boys and 1 pretty Girl!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-18-2007 - 10:32pm
You know my very first date was just like that. I actually told him that there just wasn't anything there and he agreed and now we're friends :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 8:52am

I think you're doing fine, Liz! I think it was Moody that said it one time- that it's not so important to be thinking "what if he doesn't like me?" on a date, but rather "what if I don't like him?" because that is really what is most important in our decision-making. Too many times, I've gone with "what if he doesn't like me?" and then I'm all happy as long as he shows interest- whether I really feel 'it' or not for him. And then later on I might have to figure out how to break things off because I hadn't been honest with my own feelings from the start, but focused too much on making sure HE was happy with things. Ugh on that!!! No more!

So Liz- if you don't feel "it", then you don't feel it. Just don't lead him on if he feels it and you play along to avoid letting him down. (Not that this is the case- but just something to keep an eye out for.)

But on the other hand... I also believe sparks can form on a 2nd or 3rd date as well- so I'd give him a couple more chances before 'next-ing' him. If I know for SURE I don't want to date someone, I will say so. But if I'm just not sure- I'd at least give it 3 dates to make sure. And make it 3 dates where we might do completely different things, so I can see him in different situations.

We don't make instant friends with people- why would we think we can make instant relationships with others? It takes time for things to develop, and I believe sparks CAN develop slowly as well. I really think your gut might just 'know' right away- so go with your gut.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 2:09pm

I believe sparks CAN develop slowly as well


Yes, ITA with Shrimps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Sat, 05-19-2007 - 10:48pm
Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think that I'm not really into him that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 9:14am

Liz, I think you should give it another chance- if it isn't anything romantically you'd like to pursue, it could still be someone fun to do things with.

I completely understand what you mean about having a good time and still not feeling it- that's how I felt about a lot of my dates, until funnyguy.

I am a firm believer that when it's right, you'll just know and won't have to overthink everything.

Moody, who knew when it was right, and when it wasn't


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:01pm

OH - and big maybe - MAYBE it is because you have your whole life in order and in the palm of your own two hands? Like you are used to making and getting to make ALL of the decisions for you and your DD? And are quite happy alone? And getting to spend the fabulous one on one time with your DD? And don't want the whole upset of a relationship where you are happy one minute and not sure the next?

JOIN the club! I *so* know how you feel!!!!!

But do try one more date if he asks!! Because I am selfish and like to read date reports - LOL!!

And....you never know what tomorrow will bring :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:44pm
OH - and big maybe - MAYBE it is because you have your whole life in order and in the palm of your own two hands? Like you are used to making and getting to make ALL of the decisions for you and your DD? And are quite happy alone? And getting to spend the fabulous one on one time with your DD? And don't want the whole upset of a relationship where you are happy one minute and not sure the next?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 9:09pm

Good job on the response! One can never have too many friends, for sure. And it is nice to have adult companionship sometimes for conversation or just a quick drink out.

And I think that was good practice. The thing about his job would definitely unsettle me - I always feel like they have to be a little bit stable in the job department to really be happy and want a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 1:14am

Hanging out right now is a great idea; you're both going through moves and so on.

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