thinking hard today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
thinking hard today
14
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 4:53pm


Am I terrible? I heard an estimate of people being home from overseas in 4 years, that was Kerry's optimistic "if you elect me" estimate. That's optimistic?

I have really been thinking that over. I don't want to be without Trav for 4 years, or even only seeing him every 6 months. I don't want to be "on hold" for that long. I need to communicate that to him, I guess...

Feels pretty sad...I'm trying to convince myself I'm not being a quitter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 5:56pm
OMG - this is horrible for you.

BUT WAIT. Don't start the negative thought process. Try to adjust to this news the best way you can. You have to chill and be there for Trav. I am sure it is harder on him to have to leave you and go there.

You can't predict the future - he could be home much sooner. AND even if you decided you don't want to wait, 4 years could go by and you might STILL NOT have someone. You can spend the time he is away being positive - sending notes, gifts, baked goods - and improving yourself - or you can throw it all away and be miserable and make him miserable.

Hang in there. You still have us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 6:54pm
Candi, I know you really care for him and it seems he really cares for you too. It's so obvious you are both wanting this to work. I totally understand being on hold. I've been there when the guy was just a few minutes away. Either way, it's awful. But remember that he will come back. It's got to be hard to wait so long to be held and kissed, but when it happens, it's so worth it. And I'm sure he'll make it a memorable moment when he returns. Hang in there. If it's meant to be, it will work out. I have a feeling about you two...

Hugs!

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 8:41pm
Well, at least I'm busy with my graduate classes and learning Japanese.

*sigh*...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:02am
Wow - you are learning Japanese? That is so impressive!! I am sure it is not easy.

I like what Mel posted. Listen to her!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 9:25am
how many classes are you taking? I'm taking the one and it's tough going...my prof is the head of the dept, ugh. My girlfriend's been studying Japanese now for a year at USF and she's loving it...she's got a bunch of new Japanese friends and everything.

About Trav...that's really tough. I hear you...to date someone that you're going to be seeing...8 times in the next four years?? It's nice to have a penpal...but do you want a penpal...how are you supposed to get to the next level if you actually spend more cyber time than 'real' time together? I would be thinking hard, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 9:56am
What are you taking?

I'm taking one grad class at the moment and putting together my papers to apply for admittance to the grad department. And what the HELL I'm going to do for my thesis, I don't know. But it seems you're supposed to.

The Japanese I do on my own with software and I have a conversation partner I meet with once a week.

I bet you could find Japanese friends there! Not many here...I think 20 at the Uni and that's about it. :)

I'd like to hear from trav that it won't be that long, but I don't think he can even tell me at this point.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 11:31am
I wish I could say something positive, but long distance relationships are just plain hard. I see it here all the time with the military whose families decided to stay in the states. It almost always ends up with Divorce or Separation. I wish I could be more positive, but unless you are with him, it's going to be hard. Where is he going?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:04pm
If we were married, it would be a no brainer. As it is I feel committed to him to some extent, but another six month "no see" stint? I dunno....

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:07pm

I know that must be really frustrating and discouraging.


If it were me, I guess I'd look at this as a very casual relationship and date here and there when the opportunity arose.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:11pm

Hugs Candi. I am sorry this has been so difficult. I think my thoughts would be along the same lines as Tara's, but only YOU know what you are willing to do within the boundaries of this relationship.


It's tough to wait so long without a positive lifelong commitment. Hang in there. Keep pursuing the studies and such and working on you. You have been SO MUCH MORE positive and upbeat the last half a year or so. I am very happy for you. So, I guess that's to encourage you that while YOU feel down right now, at this moment, I see good good things going on in you. That has to count for something!


Hugs again.

Becky

Becky

 

 

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