Thinking of moving again....
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Thinking of moving again....
| Tue, 09-04-2007 - 12:24pm |
It's been so hard the last two years living in a place with no family and friends that I am highly considering a move back to San Antonio, Texas where I still have old friends and family. I really love it here, but only because of the sceneary, not because I have something keeping me. Texas is so dry and ugly and hot. Here it's beautiful, but beauty doesn't cut the friendships and family. Alex's dad would be their, her grandmother, my sister and her hubby/kids and then all of the friends I graduated High School with. I just wouldn't feel so alone. I just hate the thought of moving again, but what am I going to do here always being alone? Anyone else feel like a move closer to family was good for them? Even though you liked where you lived?

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Well, the biggest pro for moving closer to is having help with the girls- something that you have mentioned time again you don't get being on your own.
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This is so true.
It used to always be my intention to eventually move back to where my parents are, my roots. In fact my mom was really looking forward to that also. She loves her grand daughter :o)
But, as time has passed I am realizing that what matters most is where I can make a good living and provide for my daughter, and where she will be the happiest.
It would be nice to be near family, they could watch my daughter now and then, and all the get togethers and things. I do miss that. But it has been 10 years now and I find myself feeling at home here, even though it's 360 miles away from family.
I still find it difficult to find friends here though. That is the one aspect I a missing. I would love to have my own group of gal friends to go out with now and then.
To have the help sometimes with the kids could be good - especially in your case where you have them 24/7. Maybe this is something you want to evaluate when you are there for Xmas - if that would really work? Although my mom and dad and sister have helped me sometimes and I am most grateful for it, it is not something that is always there or always jives with my schedule and needs for sure. For some reason I missed that the older DD's father is there - that is sort of a good thing. I mean, even if he saw her like one or two more times a year that could be good - and now that she is older he might actually want to spend more time with her?
I think you are in a hard part of your life right now - you really want to be with someone and settled - and you are new in an area and going it alone and trying to work and go to school and manage the bills and the kids' needs, too. I bet when you look back on all of this you will wonder how you got through each day with all you juggle.
It sounds like the meetup thing could still be good over time. But I am wondering if there are people at work or school or through your kid's friends and activities that you can meet? And maybe now that they are back in school with their activities you will get to be a little more social?
Edited: I like the idea that you will go home for the holidays. You can do some thinking from now until then and you can evaluate more when you get there. I think that here is better so far than Germany for sure. And how fun to be with so many different family members there as well.
Edited 9/5/2007 7:45 pm ET by cl-west1745
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Wow, I feel exactly the same way right now. I simply don't feel like messing with the whole dating cycle right now, as if I am not busy enough. It's like, yeah, it would be great to meet someone, but I don't know if I would have the energy to sustain a relationship.
As far as relocating, I am in a similar situation. I was recently given the option to relocate to Dallas if I want to, but all of my family currently lives within a 30 minute drive of where I am. I have friends and family in Dallas too, but the ones I am closest to live near me. It's not something I have to decide on soon, but it it's strange to consider what life would be like in a new city with a new network of contacts.
Based on your posts you sound like you're feeling lonely, which is contributing to the funk you're in. If you think nothing is going to change where you are currently at, maybe it is time to return to where your family is. Even then, who says that has to be permanent?
The only one's left that stayed in the vacinity are my Texan friends who still live in the 50 mile radius of San Antonio. I had such a terrific time with all of them when I went back for my reunion two years ago. I missed them all so much and we all had a great time. I know it's not the same, but I am now in contact with a lot of them that I never would have been. My one best best friend died last January in a car accident. She came to see only ME and no one else. She remained to be the truest of them all. I am still very saddened by her death and she left two little girls behind. Therefore, since her death, I have felt more and more the need to be close to where I think my roots actually might be. I have quite a few people that died in San Antonio that I am close to and maybe that is why I never wanted to go back, because it hurt to much, but now I just think about how much I want to be closer to them. Is that weird?
- I think you are in a hard part of your life right now - you really want to be with someone and settled - and you are new in an area and going it alone and trying to work and go to school and manage the bills and the kids' needs, too. I bet when you look back on all of this you will wonder how you got through each day with all you juggle.-
I had two dates lined up this week. One for Friday night and one that I could have made for an evening date, but chose Saturday morning. Now I cancelled both yesterday and asked to be rescheduled for no good reason except that I want to sit on my couch with my girls and clean the house. I didnt even give a reason. I don't want to totally blow them off, but I think Mr. History really just pushed me over the edge to finally say enough is enough.
I don't even think about it as alot of stuff I'm doing alone, but more that I'm just tired of being alone. I don't even want to be in a relationship persay, but would love to just have someone to talk to and share some quality time with. Not even go out, but cook a dinner every so often, watch a movie, just hang out and talk about our day. I miss that. I'm missing it more and more. I might even be happy with a gay male. Just someone to be with. Not just being a mom, but being a human. LOL.
I like some of the people at the meetups, but in all honesty, I hate being away from my children now. I love being with them and around them and I wish I were in a TIGHT relationship so that someone I was with, could share that with me. Instead I have to keep everything separated and I'm tired of separating relationships and kids. I am tired of the juggling of everyone's schedule. It gets old.
The sad thing is, I've moved 23 times in my life. I want to feel like I can grow my roots, but maybe I need to regrow them. I lived in San Antonio for 10 years and then ripped my roots out and never looked back. Maybe I just need to replant myself. I feel so freaking restless. I would just LOVE a feeling of peace and tranquility. My relationships are so wacked out that I never have peace in one. So of that is me, because I can be quite controlling and I am very impatient. Two things I am seriously working on. I just don't know how many tricks you can teach an old dog. However, I feel those traits have gotten that way in the last 6 years with raising my girls. I never saw myself as so short fused and demanding as I am now. It kind of scares even me. I have a picture in my head and I want it to turn out JUST like it and if it doesn't I walk away or scare someone away. LOL.
My reasons for dropping anyone I date is simple: I want someone to pay enough attention to me - Not just once a week, but a real relationship who has real time for me. I want someone that I can hang out with and maybe just grab a cup of coffee or a beer quickly, not necessarily go on a full blown date and therfore only go out once a week. I enjoy spending time with someone 2-3 times the week. And that means if I see them for 30 minutes that counts. I don't want anymore online, text messaging, email, cell phone relationship. I want a REAL honest to good NORMAL one. Like I read most normal people have. My relationships have been 90% long distance or someone who only lives here on the weekends. The other 10% have such active lives that it feels like long distance. So I guess I'm deciding now to go for all or nothing. Meaning: If I can't have a relationship that I see someone 2-3 times a week, I rather have none.
I just want a feeling of moving forward and being in a relationship, not the feeling of being alone, not being able to date, YET I'm in a relationship. Make sense?
I just don't understand how
Well, bless your heart....you ARE in a funk! I don't think you are alone feeling this way as we all get this way at times. I have lived in the same area all my 43 years and I get that restless feeling you are talking about. The one thing that keeps me here is roots for my daughter. If it weren't for her, I don't THINK I would still be here (?)...don't know that for a fact. Even though I am very close (physically and emotionally) to all of my immediate family, I really don't see that much of them. We talk on the phone quite often and get together every now and again but not alot. Everyone works and has their own lives. So that would be one thing to consider....how much time would you actually spend with them. There are so many times when I would just love to pack up and get the heck out of here.
My daughter's dad is in the same area...she doesn't see a lot of him, but they talk on the phone. Being 13 she has her own social life and doesn't have time for dear ole dad OR me for that matter. And they are not as close, nor have they ever been, even though she lives like 15 min. from him.
Your feeling of making all decisions and keeping up with everyone's schedule is common with me also. I want to pull my hair out sometimes, but then I think what an AWESOME job I'm doing with it. And when I get too much on my plate, I back off of something, whether it be not volunteering to do something at school, or cutting back on my hours at my pt. time job, or just telling someone "No, I can't do that".
It does get lonely and I do so crave the companionship. But know this (and I tell myself this A LOT), "it is not meant to be for some reason or another for you YET" That guy I had been posting about was seeing demanded a lot of my attention and I thought that was what I wanted, but yet I felt so smothered after a while. It was nice to have someone paying attention to ME as a person. But after a while....well you know what happened.
HANG IN THERE GIRLEE! This funk you are experiencing will end. Mine always does.
Now the guy I dated last week has two kids half the week and his own business and all of these extra curricular activities with his kids. He hardly even has time to call. He's just toooo busy again. It's not enough for me to be second or third in line and have a date every other week or so. Not to mention he lives 45 minutes away. I don't want to drive that far away from my children.
The other guy is someone I dated almost 18 months ago, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I don't want a FWB afterall. I rather just say forget it!
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