For those who haven't been dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
For those who haven't been dating
17
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:17pm

I had a positive thought tonight - while standing on the beach - getting ready for an ocean swim.....

I just had to share for all of the single moms who haven't been dating.

I am busy and my life is certainly in order - have gotten a lot done on my own. But I just haven't met anyone in a while and sometimes I refer to this in my head as "I haven't had a date in so long" and that can make me sad.

Okay - so here is the positive thought - Tonight I realized that I have had NO drama, tears or disappointment in this "dry spell"- it is just me, myself and I (and of course DS, too). In this time I have figured out what I want and that I am worth it and won't settle. I have figured out you need someone who is "that into you" and who wants a relationship and is open to the idea of a single mom.

I have had a few "no-no's" to turn down. Had I not taken the time to educate myself or become strong on my own, I might not have turned down these bad boys.

Just to give you a few examples.... guys who pursue you while drunk, guys who are not happy/not settled in their jobs, guys who live too far away, someone who only wants sex and no relationship, someone not open to a single mom with a child... the list goes on.

The funny thing is that there was this cute guy I saw after the swim who was with others in our group. He had a nice look in his eye when he saw me and asked me a few questions. I don't know what that means, nor do I even know anything about him. But it was sure nice to get a look like that.

The water was warm, the beach just beautiful. And I had a good swim.

If you haven't been dating or have experienced a dry spell, share your thoughts!! I hope this helps brighten your day.

CHEERS!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 2:51pm

I have a son who is 7 (soon to be 8) from a previous (lousy!) relationship, who I have sole custody of. For a very long time, I had no interest in men whatsoever. It took a really long time to heal.

I have dated some, over the past few years. I live in a rural community, where there aren't a lot of single men. Not a lot of men to pick from, period! So I thought I would try OLD. I tried for about six months. Only went out one actual date & one pseudo-date. It's very frustrating when you find that a lot of Men, just want to chat, not actually meet. Anyway, long story short; I am on a break!

I almost feel like there is not enough time to date or ever have another relationship again. I mean I am so busy with my son, my family, activities, and friends. How could I possibly work a guy into my schedule? :) I mean I have an active social calender, it just does not involve dating men. LOL

I guess the bottom line is; I enjoy my life and a man would really have to add to or enhance it for me to want to put forth the effort for him. Because quite frankly, I don't have the time, otherwise.

Sorry, not sure if that's the kind of answer you're looking for or not...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 7:19pm

I completely agree with you on this. After I left my husband I came to realize that the past few years I was so involved him and what everyone thought of me that I forgot to be Becky. But the problem was by that time I didn't even know who Becky was.

So I took me time I rediscovered myself and realized that I am a wonderful person and I have succeeded in doing everything by myself without any help from my ex or anyone else for that matter. I proved to myself that I could do anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 8:45pm

I usually think of it in a sad way too that I'm "alone" and haven't had a man in my life in so long. But your post made me think about all of the problems that I have NOT had since I dont have a man in my life. I don't have such tears of rejection and drama and criticism about my housecleaning. I answer to no one. I don't have anyone snoring in ear or leaving his man-dirt around. Generally I dwell on all of the wonderful things about men and what I'm missing out on. Ty for reminding me of the flip side- all that sucks about men that I dont have to deal with.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:10pm

Thanks for responding. It sounds like you have not always had things easy but do very well on your own. I know you must feel frustrated that you have not met someone but you get a big pat on the back for not settling!!

Oh - and I LOVE your acronym for online dating - OLD - that is too good!! I am taking a big break from that too.

Cheers!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:12pm
That is great that you took the time to find Becky again!! You sound very strong!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 1:24am

This month's issue of Oprah is all about finding yourself and taking time out, alone time, for you. Your post maybe think of it because I've been reading it all day, it's got some pretty good advice.

I travel alone alot for work but there are always people meeting me there or people to meet with, but next month I'm taking my first working "vacation." I'm going on a three day/three night tour of Denali National Park in Alaska- ALONE! The "working" part is that I am going to familiarize myself with the tour and what our employees do, the rest of it will be just being a tourist. Wish me well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:38am

That trip sounds absolutely WONDERFUL. I would love to do something like that. I think it is so so good to get away alone. It gives you time to think about your life, where it is going and where you want to go from there.

We will all love to hear your story.

I see some good stuff here - http://www.nps.gov/dena/

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 10:33am
after finishing another grueling school year and some pretty high drama the last few days with my teen and young adult daughters, I finally have time to reflect on the fact that I haven't had a date in several years. (maybe two). In the midst of all this an old "friend", who has had some serious trouble with the law, got back in touch with me after about a year and a half. I had decided a long time ago to have nothing further to do with him. And how easy it was to say, "I can't speak to you now. Don't call back". Maybe at one point I would have felt sorry for him and gotten myself further involved just to say I was with someone. No more -- I feel sorry for people with problems they have no control over, not someone like this who threw his life away to drugs and deception, and has lost his whole family. How great to be able to say, even in times of famine "no more drama"!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 12:24pm

Hi Kanomo,

Welcome!! Glad to see you post.

And even gladder that you have spent time alone and are strong. Your answer to him on the phone is excellent!!

I wish for good things to come your way now. Keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 3:16pm

Thank you -- I was proud of myself too. The Karen of some years ago probably would have called him back -- he also left a message on my answering machine the next day.

There might be a few here who remember my really sad story of this guy, and the way it turned out. As I said, I am really glad I didn't fall for it again.

Its really nice to be back at this board.

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