Though talk...but I did it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Though talk...but I did it!
5
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 7:18am

Hi Ladies & gents,

Hope everyone is well!

History:

I have a friend of mine that I dated for about two years--first serious relationship after my divorce and we were friends for about 3 years before.

Anyway, our break up ended up being a very bad one (July) due to what I can only describe as his "toxic bachelor" ways which haven't changed. He immediately moved on to another and had the same problems as he had with me (his girlfriend had called me and tried to get me involved and his family and so forth--no thanks!.) In fact I had told HIM that in NO way would I get involved with their relationship as it was THEIR business not mine.

I had wished him well and truly did mean it. Well, At the time I did not mean it but as time past that's when I truly did. We spoke just two or three times after the break up b/c 1) he'd moved on 2) I needed to accept he'd moved on 3) I needed to move on.

All of those three things did happen. Thanks to very wonderful friends, family and lots of lurking on these boards:-) I worked through my anger toward him and it was so nice to say good riddens to it! What a feeling!

I just kind of took my time and worked through the break up and feel really great now. In fact, I not sure that I've ever been happier.

Well, naturally, he and his girlfriend broke up she contacted me and informed me via email--whole big drama which again I refused to make comment on to her b/c it was not my place and I was so greatful not to be involved with that. I tried my best to stay very distant from the whole thing.

Present:

However, since then he has been contacting me again. This is what is strange...I don't have romantic feelings for him anymore (I was afraid I would). I enjoy our chats and occasionally we've gotten together (a couple of times w/in the past couple weeks). Kind of like old times b/f we dated. I would like to note that we had a friendship that we both "valued" prior to the dating experience.

My problem is he wants to make another go at it. I'm not up for that. I told him that and I told him that though I'm over all my anger toward him and acccept him for him that's as far as I can go. I also told him that we didn't work for very good reasons and that I was proud of everything that I've accomplished since we had broken up--from new experiences to overcoming the relationship. Plus, I'm beginning to really enjoy dating in my "free time".

Anyway, I know I made the right decision for me. I do care for him and wish he'd sort himself out--he really has ALOT going for him but I know that I'm not up for that challenge again. I'm not sure if he thought I'd just run to him or if he feels a little left out of everything that I've done since then...or just lonely. Again not my place to decide. I really just needed to put my thoughts somewhere and I do love this board.

Thanks for listening and being a sounding board. I appreciate it!

Have a great day!
S~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:13am

Hi there! Welcome!!

It sounds like you have made firm, strong, sound, good decisions for yourself. GOOD WORK!

Now all need to do is hold your ground. I don't think you will be able to be friends while he still has romantic feelings for you.

Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 7:46pm

Hi Judy,

Thanks for the positive response. No doubt you are right...I did think about that as well!

S~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:29pm

He's looking for a rebound, and you're an easy target.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 12:46pm

You made a clean break of it once. If I were you, I'd phase him out as a friend. He's looking to date you and his intentions towards are no better than they were the first time around.

Personally, I would not want a guy again after we broke up...then he dated someone else...and he's back again. Ummmmm, no thanks. And, the girl he was dating after you had her own issues with him. He has not changed in any way, shape, or form. I wouldn't even be friends with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 7:00pm

Thanks everyone for your responses!

Thank Goodness I set the record straight with him in that "talk". Yes he was looking for something more and a FWB or rebound thing...No he didn't say it BUT has been very cold since the "talk" and told me he has things to sort out. Gee Ya think :-)

I'm getting better at reading my instincts though :-)

Thanks again!

Take care!!!
S~