Tiny new development

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tiny new development
10
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:36pm
I wrote before about the beer guy I have the crush on, and I was confused about his responses to me. I truly decided to let it go and have the "it is what it is" attitude. A week ago Friday was his last day as my rep, his route got changed. He stopped in to see me (not a sales call), said bye and thanks, gave me a big hug, then said "Now when I come in to see you it'll be a lot more fun because I'll just be a regular customer, you won't be my customer anymore." He was on vacation this past week and called me Tuesday. He, his friend and friend's wife were going to watch the Orange Bowl and he wanted me to come out and watch with them. I think that is about as close to a date as you can get! I had to decline because I had just picked up my kids, and I hadn't seen them since the Friday before. When I told my sister she said "Bring those kids to my house right now and go out with him!!", but I can't bring myself to ditch my kids for anyone. Anyway, I am taking that as a small victory. He was thinking about me outside of work in a "non-work" capacity. I'll take it. A guy I work with said I should call him and invite him to do something next; to not wait for him to call me again. I can't decide. We are pretty friendly, and it wouldn't be too out of the ordinary for me to call him next week and ask how his new route is going...What do you think? Ask him to do something next weekend, or wait for him to call me again? Call and ask about his new route, but don't push it further than that? I don't want to seem pushy or aggresive because I'm not, but I also don't want to seem uninterested, because I'm not. :)
Advice??
-Sheesh-
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:18am
First of all, good for you for putting your kids first. You deserve to have fun and meet someone, but I think you made the right decision to be with your kids. He clearly is interested in you and I think that you can feel really comfortable with that. I think that there's nothing wrong with calling him and saying thanks again for the invite but it was really bad timing, but I would love to get together. It's funny. If you met me, I'm a very strong self-confident person but when it comes to men I'm REALLY cautious so I completely understand how you feel. I say make the call. He likes you and it's not like you're making the first move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 2:27pm
I vote for waiting and letting him ask you out on a date, date. Watching a football game with a married couple feels like a friendship thing. He was playing it safe. It could have been friends or it could have been more, but if he asked you out for dinner...well, that's date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 2:38pm

Lordy, do I know what you're feeling! I also know you're probably going to get differing opinions here.
Some women (and men) feel that in the beginning stages, it's always up to a man to make the moves.
I feel that that doesn't always work for everyone. You know your relationship with him thus far- if it wouldn't be totally out of place, give him a call, but let him do the leading. You can hint that you're available, or make it known that you're interested, without throwing yourself at him. He can still be the one who officially asks you out, but you can nudge it along a little.
Or, you can wait for him to call, and drive yourself nuts wondering if and when he will.
Either way, let us know what happens!

Moody, who'd call, but not ask


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 6:10pm

If I had gone a week without seeing my son I would not have ditched him either and never mind on such short notice. Good call!

My opinion is wait - don't call. When they like you in a romantic way they make it known and call and call. Turning him down once with such a good excuse will only fuel the fire if it is indeed there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:34pm
I laughed out loud when I read your post because I was already wondering about if and when he might call again. My tendency is to want to rush things along, I don't want to wait to find out what may or may not happen. If it's going to happen, I want it to happen now, if it's not I want to know so I can move on. I'm impatient. My sister and sister-in-law both say to call him and invite him to do something this week. I'm leaning more towards a call to say hi, how's the new job and leave it at that for now... We'll see how I feel tomorrow.
-Sheesh-
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:16pm

I do exactly the same thing. All of my relationships have moved at warp speed in the past, so I'm hoping now that I've really learned what I want and who I am, this thing with Double D will move along as it moves along, and I won't be too tempted to push it faster than it's naturally supposed to go.
So far, I have been able to enjoy him, what we've done together, and the possibility for more without overthinking too too much. Not that I'm not thinking about it, and him. Luckily, he's been very good about calling when he says he will, making plans in advance, and not making me guess his intentions.
We're meeting today for lunch, something we discussed Wednesday night. He called me this afternoon to reconfirm, which I like very much. Hopefully it'll go well, as it's our second date. We both seem to be into each other so far. I know that only time will tell, though.

Moody, not waiting for a phone call


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:07pm

"luckily he's been very good about calling when he says he will, making plans in advance, and not making me guess his intentions."

THAT is not luck. It is your good attitude and behavior!! If he wasn't doing that you would not be waiting by the phone, you would have already said NEXT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 1:54pm
Well,I called him. With the help of a little "liquid courage" I called him and asked how his first day was on the new route. I called him at 8, he said he had just gotten home. We talked for a few minutes, and he mentioned something about getting together when his schedule settled down a little. Kind of a brush off line, but that's OK. Now I will take the previous advice and not push any more. If he calls, great I'll go out with him. If he doesn't, no big deal. Life continues. I read the article West posted about partial relationships, but the thing I do is the part about making excuses for him. I was just thinking that I know this guy is slightly on the unorganized side so it might take him a while to get around to calling again. He told me he'd call or stop by my store last week when he was on vacation, but he didn't. His schedule changed with his kids that week, he got tied up helping his mom, those types of things. Obviously I'm not at the front of his mind where he plans out time to try to see me. Oh well. Maybe he'll come around eventually. I do know we are on the same "kid schedule"; we are both kid-free this weekend and I'm pretty sure he is aware of that too because we've talked about it before. Maybe he'll call this weekend, but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm too depressed about my Buckeyes losing to Florida to care about anything today anyway. :(
-Sheesh, sad Ohio State fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:00pm

Sheesh, I asked Double D on an official date today. George Carlin (a racuous comedian I really like) is in our area in a few weeks, and I want to see him. None of my friends are into his type of humor, and they've all declined my invite.

So, today I asked Double D if he liked Geroge Carlin- his response was, "Yeah, did you know he's going to be here in a couple of weeks?" I said, "Yes. In fact, if I got the tickets, would you want to go?" He hesitated for a split second, smiled, and said, "Yes, yes I would like to go. Let me know how much they are- we can split this one." (He's paid fully for our other two dates, although I offered to pay my share each time.) I checked out the pricing and timing and things today, and am going to let him know how much they are before I order them, just in case, although I don't think it'll be a problem.

So, win some, lose some. I won some today, and wasn't nervous about asking him, mostly because I really want to see George Carlin, and now I'm happy to know that we have the same taste in comedians- not everyone likes George Carlin, and not everyone would want to see him live. I guess another reason I wasn't nervous is because I had a specific event in mind, and if he didn't want to go with me, I would probably go alone or talk a friend into coming. I want to go that much.

I guess, in all of my rambling, what I'm trying to say is that I would recommend having something specific in mind when asking him out or contacting him, and really know that it's something you want to do. That way, you'll still be able to look forward to doing it, even if he doesn't want to. You won't have to make excuses for him, since if he makes his own it won't matter all that much to you. You'll still have the fun thing to do, and he'll be the one missing out, not you.

Also, like you, I won't go out of my way to contact him again. This date is scheduled way ahead of time- about two weeks exactly, and if he wants to see me again before then on a date, he'll have to ask me. If not, I'll be plenty busy with my life not to worry about it overmuch.

Moody, who advises no one hold their breath


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 7:32pm
Moody, this is wonderful advice. Do let us know how the George Carlin thing works out. I think you did the right thing here - good idea!