The toe is in - on eharmony
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| Sun, 01-06-2008 - 11:24am |
Okay girls, now that my 70 thread discussion let me vent all of my frustration plus get validation for the way MA's lack of empathy made me feel, I decided to make it a New Year's resolution to put a little more effort in my dating and set my standards a bit higher - meaning they have to be at my level and not just fun/fit. No more dating down and a more casual approach. I do feel that MA was a good test to see if I can be true to myself and also to show me how important communication can be. It shows I am not needy or in need of a vacuum cleaner or run down the aisle!! LOL!!!
I was at a sports bar for a college football game - talk about a good audience there, right? - and noticed that all of the single guys (without a ring) were either in their early 20s or late 50s. Only one was 40 and single - and he was a drinker and telling us all he was never married - I forgot how that came up in conversation - he knew some of my friends. One of my other friends was with a guy who could have put the fireman to shame with his drinking but they are both like that - so I guess you could say they are a good match. But that experience was an eye opener.
It made me realize that the dating pool has receded and that if I want to meet someone who is a quality match I have to work harder, especially since I have a home office.
So I worked on a list of things I can do in real life to get out more - I have alumni events (although those won't be as active until the fall because they revolve around the school football schedule and holidays), my sports stuff which I have been doing for 7 years, my friends and son's school/sports activities. IRL is good, but since I went 4 years without dating and MA is the only one I met IRL, maybe IRL is not good enough for my age group and area. Also, I made a list of my dates and what I learned - and I realized that IRL does not make a difference from OLD. I just have to be smarter with OLD - which I am - I have learned a lot.
And I decided to give eharmony a try - which I did a few years ago and got frustrated with because there were no matches and it is time consuming and expensive when compared to the others. Figured put out a lead now and see if something comes along in the next year. I am not in a rush and after hurricane MA I want to date slowly. I really want what Shrimps and QB have as I have said - someone to get out with once a week and develop a nice relationship over time. NO mad dash down the altar aisle or pressure. Just date.
And wow - there are a lot of good candidates on eharmony - I trashed 70 of them and kept 9. They have done a lot to improve their site and it has more people. They even claim to get 90 weddings a day now which speaks volumes for the numbers that must be on there to generate that. I feel that it is not such a meat market as the others. And I like their testing process and guided communication. Everyone on there seems sincere - and I feel that if they put that much effort into their initial questions to get on there (there are a LOT of questions - it takes an hour to get signed up) and write a profile plus go through such a detailed communication process - that has to be good.
I am writing to 3 good people:
- one single dad who is an architect
- one IT director who loves to travel in the SW
- a sales director who likes outdoorsy stuff
And that is it - just writing this and that. I will keep you posted.
Edited 1/6/2008 11:38 am ET by cl-west1745

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I dont like teh architect that much for some reason. The IT guy seems good.
I think it may be better to have two or three people narrowed down before you start priliminary dates so that you dont get sucked up with anyone and it will be faster to weed out if anyone shows bad signs when you have others lined up. I wish I could do that long time back but well I was not so smart back then ;-)
Good luck with e-harmony
Thanks!! That is good advice and what I am trying to do as well. There are actually 9 people that I like enough to keep as prospective matches but they are not pursuing or furthering the communication - some might not be subscribed. Two of them are very good but those are the ones who started the communication process and then stopped. Maybe they found someone they like better or got busy or whatever.
The architect is the one I deleted. I really liked the IT guy but he travels to 20 different offices around the country and in the islands and on top of this his home and office are very far from here. So, while I think he is a great person, the practical side to me says we have to be more than pen pals on the computer screen and I don't see how that would work.
I don't like the distance thing because I want to have slow casual dates - like meet for coffee or go for wine - not have sleepovers and whole weekends together to economize time because of driving. And with the price of gas these days - I don't want to start something and then both people realize the distance is too much. UGH. It seems easier for me to wait for one who is close.
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