too clingy vs too distant

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
too clingy vs too distant
14
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 2:47pm

opinion on this topic welcome.


what is too clingly and what it too distant? i feel slightly confused on this.... if i contact MM everyday to just say hello... is that too clingy? probably not. If i need some sort of validation everyday.. yes, that's prob too clingy. If i don't say hello (via one of these: email, text or phone call) all day.. is that too distant?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 3:17pm

Well, this is a hard one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 4:58pm

thanks. i did

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 5:07pm

I don't believe in setting a standard of what is "too."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 9:04pm

thanks Mark.


for some reason i thought.. bringing up the conversation about clingyness would come across as clingy.. i'm such a goof sometimes.


i think i have a idea... for MM's birthday.. i'm going to buy massage oil (i can give a very good back rub).... then while i'm giving him a back rub, i can ask or talk about anything i want right... what i mean is that it won't be threatening sort of conversation that way....


either way, i think the back rub idea is a good one!


Loony

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 9:18pm
I don't think anyone on here would be able to answer that question for you and MM...only he could. It would all depend on his comfort level with the amount of contact you two have. Some guys feel like the woman is moving too fast if she contacts him more than a couple times a day. But then again, I dated a guy who would write a "good morning" to me every morning, just to have that "fix". He wasn't clingy, but seemed to want to connect more.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 8:25am

Too worrisome if you ask me. Sorry.


No its not too distant if you dont contact him for a day or two. Its not too clingy to contact him each day. I say go with how you feel. If you want to contact him often then do so. A quick hello shouldnt annoy anyone. I day without a quick hello shouldnt annoy him either.


Dont always wait for him to suggest something to do. I had to do that in my marriage and it got old. I got tired of always being the one who suggested things and planned things. If it werent for me we would have done nothing. If theres something you want to do then suggest it. Or better yet surprise him with tickets to an event you both would like.


But dont worry so much.


nuf said

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 10:34am

Amen on always having to be the one to plan stuff otherwise you'd do nothing! I can SOOO relate...BTDT with my marriage also. I don't want to be controlled, but I do want a man who can take the reins sometimes. I'd say most men might feel that way too.


Don't overthink this one Looney. You guys seem to be in a good place. Enjoy it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 10:20pm

ha ha ha... ya caught that.. i was trying everything NOT to use the word worry.


i'm going to call an old friend of mine... tried to call today but then the children didn't give me a chance to talk to her. She's definatly been where i've been..... getting over the fears. She's recently got married after 7 years of being a single mom.. so she's further along in her journey and we've always been able to relate. I feel she's a good, safe person to help me process my feelings and get my thinking on track.


I had moments today when things felt clear. My joy comes from within and NOT from another person. ya, i know, it is exhausting to think soooo much... and winter is NOT my favorite season. I like bright warm days.... not cold days.


so, yes, i'll go back to making a suggestion here and there.... thanks for that advice. Like on Friday,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 12:05am

Hey


Loony- I wanted to reply to you y'day but then got busy, blah blah and am just online now.


Anyway, y'day I was having the same questions as you b/c I haven't heard

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 01-04-2009 - 6:23am

it is so good knowing that i'm not alone. don't know why i'm having such a hard time.


got in touch with my friend. she told me about taking every thought captive. about stopping those negative thoughts before they consume me.


at 5pm today, after thinking about MM all day and wondering why i hadn't heard from him, i sent a "hello" text. he said he was watching a movie. at first i figured a dvd but then i realized the movie is a new one. started thinking he went

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