Too Good To Be True?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
Too Good To Be True?
5
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 3:39pm
Let me start with a little background info before I ask the question I need answered. Okay my son's dad and I split up when he was 9mo old. My ex got married this past March to a lady I was really good friends with in high school, they are expecting a baby girl in about 10wks. Their marrage was harder for me to deal with than I expected because I felt that that ended any posability of my son one day having his mother and father together. That is just the way I was raised that you are supposed to stay together for the child no matter how unhappy you are. Now I am engaged to a man I dated for only two weeks before he poped the question. Seeming a little soon to me, but I said yes anyway, I was afraid if I said no that he would leave and I would loose a chance to really get to know him and maybe live happily ever after. I made the wedding date 11/04/06 though to give us plenty of time to really get to know one another and time for my son to get used to the idea. After all he already had enough going on in his life on his dad's side. I just don't know if I should stay with my fiancee' I don't really have that much sexual attraction to him any more and any time we have a fight he goes out and buys my son some elaberate gift. I mean he is good to my son and me, but I am just not that in love. I guess it was just that begining over the moon feeling and now it is gone. Any suggestions on what to do would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 5:00pm

Hi Steelcountrylovin,

Welcome to our board. I'm glad you've joined us.

From your posts, I've gathered some of these basic facts (and opinions):

You are not over your ex husband.

You are not attracted to your fiance.

You are not inlove with your fiance.

You accepted a proposal of marriage for the wrong reasons.

You are second-guessing your decision.

Now is your chance to fix this.

You deserve to be with a man you love and find attractive. Your son deserves to be loved by a happy mom (and dad) and shown what a loving healthy relationship is like so that he can also have one some day. Your fiance deserves to be with a woman who loves him, is attracted to him, and wants to be married to him.
I don't believe your current situation satisfies any of the above...so it's time to own up to your mistake and move on. Move on, first and foremost by getting over your husband. Only then will you be able to enter a new relationship and give it a fair chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 10:13pm

I see that you're hurt because the man you thought you'd end up with is married to someone else and having a child with her. I see that you met a new guy and agreed to marry him to maybe one-up your ex. I also see a guy who's thinking he's marrying this great woman because she's into him as much as he's into her- but she's not.

If you're heart's not in it, then let the guy go. He has the right to know, and the chance to be with someone who will be happy with him. You shouldn't just accept or stay in a relationship *just because*, that is unfair to both of you. If you end it now, he will have a chance to move on, your child will have less confusion and YOU will have time to work on yourself and move on from your ex. Give yourself the time to deal with the pain you feel, rushing in to another relationship and getting engaged was the worst thing to do, since you're not at peace with yourself.

Don't settle for anything in life.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 10:04pm

I agree with this post - marriage to the wrong guy is not the solution!!

I think you need to break this off and spend time alone to get over your ex.

Good luck and keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 1:52pm

From what you have posted, I would be completely creeped out by your "fiance". Proposing after 2 weeks and then when you have a fight, he buys a gift for your son. A big gift for your son???

He's good to your son? but, you aren't sexually attracted to him anymore and you don't love him?

Maybe you aren't attracted to him because there is something majorly wrong with him. I'm super paranoid, but I wouldn't like the gift giving to my son. If a man took that much interest in my son, I would seriously wonder about that man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 2:48pm
These are good points for any of us!!
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