Too Much Info but i needed to tell

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Too Much Info but i needed to tell
6
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 10:25am
I haven't dated anyone since FOB I've messed around with my ex (the one before FOB) like once a year since then...well we went out this friday and saturday. I mean I hadn't had sex in over a year, and then he called and we went out for lunch, and it happened. I just feel so guilty about it though, like I felt bad about myself, I don't know why. I guess part of me felt like if I had already waited this long I could wait until I met someone I can possibly have a future with. But I haven't met anyone, I'm always busy though, I work go to school, and my son. I always figured that when FOB had visitations with my son that would be my time, to do as I pleased, because until this month he'll start taking him over nights so why do I feel like this??? My ex was someone that I was so inlove with, we were together for almost 2 years, and although my feelings aren't the same, I'm not sure what I feel, I know for sure though that we would never get back together, as he'd rather start a family of his own and not join one (mean, I know), I guess I feel lonely, and I realized that what I miss is having a partner to be around, to support eachother, etc, not necessarily someone to have sex with. UGH, I don't know anymore, don't you guys ever feel like all you are is a mom, like what about the woman part, you know?? I mean I love my son more than anything, I don't even leave him to go out, because I feel like I already leave him to go to work and to go to school, but lately all these feelings are getting more intense.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 5:56pm
You will be fine - don't feel guilty. I think you just need to figure out a way to take more time for you. Get a good babysitter or relative to watch your kid and go do something fun for you. Try to have more quality time for yourself.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 10:30pm

I agree with Judy, you need to find yourself a reliable babysitter and get out to have a little adult fun once in a while. I know that you feel guilty about leaving your son, so I recommend that you go out once he's in bed.

It really is important to take some time nurturing YOU,it will benefit your son. If momma's happy, then everyone's happy.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 11:43am
Do you feel bad about it because of how it made you feel or was it how the guy made you feel afterwards? I don't think you should feel guilty. I'm new to this board though so I don't really know your whole story...
Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:39am
I'm not really sure I think it was everything, knowing that my ex would never want something serious, (because there was a time that I was really inlove with him), and I had thought about waiting until the right guy came along, and then I didn't, taking out time for me too, just because I hadn't in so long, I work go to school, and I'm at home with my son at all other times, I mean his dad had visitation at that time but I still felt weird I guess because I haven't gone out at all since I was pregnant. This whole being a single mom situation has been really hard for me. I haven't even attempted to date, and now that I felt I was ready for it, I've realized how bad I feel. I feel like maybe I'm just not ready. I don't know.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:20pm
I believe in both of our situations that we'll be ready when the right guy comes along. I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now either but that's because it's only been a few weeks since our separation and we were together 4 years and almost married. I've decided I'm not gonna go out looking, but I'll keep an open mind to meeting people, maybe even just having a few guy friends, and just take some time for myself like you did. I am not a student but I work full time. I can only imagine- working and going to school- it must be really hard for you. How old is your child? My little girl is 2 and a half. Her dad also has visitation so I have a little bit of time to myself but it feels strange because I'm so used to having her around all the time. I feel a lot of guilt when I try to go do something fun, but I'm 22 so I really haven't had the chance to do that until now. When I do have my daughter (which is most of the time)in the evenings, I try to make the most out of our time together but it is hard with all the other responsibilties there is. My roomate has a 5 year old so they entertain each other. Anyway, I'm glad I could meet someone on here to relate to. Keep me posted on your dating situation, and I'll do the same. Right now I am(well was)seeing a guy my age who acted more like he was 18, and I just got sick of his immaturity last night. We had already agreed that we wouldn't be serious and I thought I was okay with that but I am afraid I'm gonna get hurt by this one playing too many games. I don't need that right now. I shouldn't have let my guard down with him, but I just wanted someone to hang out with and have fun with but he doesn't even like to do anything! So, I decided not to even waste my energy on him anymore, I deleted his # off my cell so I won't be tempted to call him anymore. Even if I get lonely or whatever. I think I have enough respect for myself not to let a guy use me. I may be too vulnerable right now anyhow for a "friends with benefits" relationship. I just learned from that experience.
Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 8:55pm
FOB and I planned my pregnancy, we were together on and off since I was 15. Then he thought it was too much responsibility and pressure, so he decided he didn't want to be with me. Then he fought for custody, then he went to jail, and now he doesn't pay child support. He sees my son about 20 times a month, and I recently went up to the place to enforce child support, (my last check was $4.22). My son will turn 2 in Dec. I'm about to turn 23 now. So yeah I know how you feel, I really didn't have a chance to go out and have fun. It's difficult too, because in my free time I really need to be doing homework. I'm also living with my parents and my brothers, ages 10 and 12, so it's a little added stress because they expect me to live and parent a certain way.
I'm hoping that when I meet the right person I'll just know. I'm actually a hairstylist, and there's a regular client of the salon that I have a crush on. He has a gf though, but you know how you can just tell when you're physically attracted to someone? Well I think he is, plus if we talk he gets all cheesy and red, lol. It's nice hearing someone in the same boat though. How is your situation with FOB? What do you do? Yeah I haven't heard from the ex, but will keep posted. =)