Too much too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Too much too soon?
6
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:21pm
I have a question, ladies. I recently started dating this new guy. Nice guy, and seems to be quite taken by me. I like him too, I think it could be potentially good. We see each other on weekends only so far. This coming Saturday will be our 5th date. We're going out to see a band some of my friends sing in, and there will be maybe 4-6 other friends of mine there. Not a big deal, he is ok with that.



Now, I'm invited to a joint birthday party for three friends of mine next Saturday. It will be fairly large, I'm sure, and most people there either have known each other for a while or have at least met before. Probably close to 30 people if not more. I would like to go, but I'm not sure if I should invite the new guy. I feel like it's probably a little early in the relationship to take him to such a large gathering. People usually don't bring casual dates to those parties, and while he's not really just a casual date anymore, he's also not yet a full-fledged boyfriend either, if that makes any sense to you.

Thoughts?

Thanks,

Galina

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:45pm

Personally, I'd go stag.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:39pm

Well, I've always been a "headlong rusher" with regards to dating and "how often/when" do I see him kinds of questions. So my opinion was VERY different from Tara's. LOL


I would say if you want to bring him, and you don't want to go alone, and you think he would like it, then ask him. By all means. Let us know how it goes. Sounds very fun!

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:56pm
I met TT in a group setting. SEVERAL of our dates in the first month were group dates. I liked that. I got to see him interact with his friends, I got to see his friends (I subscribe to the "you are the company you keep" theory), he got to see my friends, he got to see me interact with my friends, AND - my friends got to size him up!

If you want to take him, take him. I personally don't think introducing someone to your friends and family speeds up the pace of the relationship, at all. And sometimes, in the early stages of dating someone - one of my friends would recognize something in the guy I was dating that I didn't see (too blinded by attraction) and point it out to me. Once pointed out it would become GLARINGLY obvious - and I would normally end the relationship and thank my friend profusely for pointing that out to me.

Best wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 2:19pm
I think I'll see how it goes this Saturday in a smaller group, and if it goes well, then tell him I'm invited and ask him if he'd like to join me. Maybe ;)

Thanks for the thoughts.

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 4:14pm
This sounds good - wait and see how you feel. Maybe you could go out with him next Saturday and see if the two of you would just stop by that party for a little bit. See what his reaction would be if you mention it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:09pm
My SO invited me to his bday dinner when we'd only gone out three times before. I bit the bullet and went because I understood that he wanted me there...later I found out that he had never expected me to go...it was his intimate circle and me...WHO are you? They all knew each other, and I was the newcomer.

I would tell him what's going on that night and run it by him...would he like to stop by for a short while and then play it by ear? You can exit under the pretext of another party, etc. Some people would love to attend and others would balk at going, too much too soon. IF you are willing to go for a short while and leave early if he wants, then invite him...otherwise don't invite him.