true love and various compatibilities

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
true love and various compatibilities
6
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 12:12am

All,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 8:49am

To me the most important things now are 1) do we respect each other's minds and enjoy each others company and 2) What Mark wrote in his other post about it taking two to make it work - it is the other person's attitude- this matters more than the chemistry and silly butterflies:

I truly believe it does take two to make a relationship work which means the OTHER person needs to recognize that (and me not taking them kicking and screaming either). If they don't want to put in the work or even have the self awareness to take responsibility of their part in making the relationship work then I would not be with that person.

I want a relationship where I don't do the work for both. I want a relationship that we each step up to the plate and put in the awareness and work to make it work. Or else it becomes a losing (and painful) proposition which does not work in the long run for either person.

We all have differences. It is how we deal with the differences makes a good relationship or not. Dealing with differences does not always (or ever) have to result in conflict. Avoiding conflict is avoiding the other parts of him/her and ultimately ourselves. I believe when we avoid then we don't have the true intimacy that I want in a relationship.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 3:11pm

This a really thougtful and

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 3:28pm

I appreciated your thoughtful posting Dance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 4:37pm

(I find it funny that you somehow ended up posting as "Mark"... )


Judy- this you said,

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 4:42pm

It wasn't flowing easily. But it's usually that way because the one who is feeling the stress- is the one who is putting in all the energy and effort.


ITA-


And then there is the issue of one putting in an exhaustive amount of effort for the both of them because the other is spending their energies elsewhere- too mentally engaged in one of many things that can deflect from a relationship- workaholism, addictions, being every one's best friend, and the like.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 12:31am

Thanks all for the great dicussion. I realise that inspite of all these needs being met that thing about relationship "flowing easily" is essential.


With Biker I think it does flow easily untill I get into my overanalysing modes.


My last post abot sexual stuff that I wrote, I think we have made big progress after that. I talked to him and we decided to set two days just for him to do things on me : sort of like a learning session and I could say what I want and what I like better..lol..It was a great feast for me ;-) There was no pressure on him because he was doing only one thing at a time and we both acknowledged it as a learning session. Like we set some time aside for just touching and few other activities ;-)..and I could say what I liked..like a specific learning time ..lol..It was wonderful and we actually got lost in each of those activities by the end of the practise session.


So now when we are normally making love I can see that those practice sessions were really great. He really didnt know what I liked exactly. So yes we are working on it.. And yes I like this work we are doing for our relationship ;-) Not a bad kind of work at all.. He is a great student. I told him that he passed with A+ grade.


Today we watched a movie "Husbands and wives" By Woody Allen..It is was great and we had a great time. anyone else watched that movie? It is about relationships, marriage..