Trusting SO With Your Children

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Trusting SO With Your Children
15
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 7:24pm

Hi Single Parents,


I don't have children of my own, so I don't know if this is a big deal or not and how much I should make of it.


I've been dating my BF for about a year now and my BF seems and says that he trusts me with his children.

KLM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 7:35pm

IMO its a huge deal. It's ultimately what can make it or break it. If my SO had issues that I could not trust my dd to be around it just would not work. For myself and speaking for a lot of single parents, it's our kids that sit at the top of the priority list so we take into consideration how our SO or date gets along with kids, does he or she like kids, does he or she have a violent past or abusive behavior...how do they interact with kids? And introducing them does not come early on, it comes after trust in the SO has been established and we think the SO is going to stick around.


It's so important that the kids like the bf or gf and vise versa.


Its good your bf trusts you with his kids. Is there an issue you are facing? Does he bring them along whe nyou go places? How often do you see them?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 8:06pm

Trusting SO with my kids is essential.

Jenn ~~~ mom to Ashley & Elliott ~~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 8:17pm

I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 8:25pm
I wouldn't leave anyone alone with my children right away... and in my case I'd like to see how Medic interacts with his own children before I even considered it. I have made jokes before since he does what he does for a living, and we work for the same company. I'm like well, if anything happens I've got THE best guy there for it, I know he dosn't have a criminal past, I know he does not do drugs, and probably has somewhat of the same mindset as I do. Cut? Girl that ain't a cut.. go
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 8:28pm

Thanks for your response.


I see them all on a very regular basis.

KLM
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:30pm
This is the way I look at it: My son is my most precious possession. I could not date a man I couldn't trust to do right by my child.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:51pm

I'm confused why you don't just talk to him about all of this? You've been together for a year now, you should be able to talk to him about how you're feeling.

As for the MIL, you'll just have to deal with her as long as he's staying in her place. In time he'll get his own place and set some new boundaries. You can talk to him then about what those boundaries are, but in the end it's his choice about what her involvement in the kid's lives are, and you'll have to accept his decision or move on.

The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:08am
It's a huge thing. I haven't even introduced my kids to my SO yet.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 9:53am

OK - klm, here is my two cents for whatever it is worth these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 11:23am

I've been pretty cautious about that since I've been in the dating realm.

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