Trying 2 Hurt Me Through the kids...
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| Mon, 11-14-2005 - 11:41am |
This was his weekend to keep the kids. I sent him a reminder through text on what time to be home so my sister can drop them off to him. He texted me back saying he wasn't going to take them Thursday night but he would come get them Friday morning. We made an arrangement 2 weeks ago that he was going to keep them because I had to work Veterans Day and since it was his weekend he would just take that day off. Monday I wrote him a letter and left it on his car reminding him about it and what the kids needed. He didnt call me to tell me he couldn't watch them Thursday night nor did he text me saying he would pick them up Friday morning. Instead he waited till last minute to tell me he couldn't keep them. I was so pissed! I think he is doing this on purpose!! When its my weekends its always something with him that he wants to either start trouble or just do things to make me upset!! The reason Friday morning would've been a problem for him to pick the kids was because I was going to be out of town and was suppose to leave Thursday night. (he didnt know that) So then my sister would have had to watch the kids thursday night when he gave his word he would. When I called him to speak to him about why he wasn't picking up the kids he gave me the run around. First it was work, then when i said pick them up after your done he said "i have plans after work." WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. I couldn't beleive it!
By him not picking them up when he said I was going to miss my bus to go out of town. So I decided to just drive there. After accepting the fact he said he would pick them up the following morning, I called him back and told him he doesn't have to pick up the kids this weekend. I left him confused and he started stuttering like what are you talking about. I said: "when we have an agreement on the time and date that you pick up your kids and you cancel at last minute, you missed out on spending time with your children and thats not my fault." Since my sister couldn't watch the kids because they were suppose to be with their father anyway, I took them with me and dropped them off with their grandmother who hadn't seen them in months. I asked her a month ago did she want them this past Veterans day weekend anyway to avoid dealing with their father since he is so unreliable and she said no but was more than happy to take them now since he messed up (she can't stand him). So it all worked out, the kids got to have a great time with their grandma they hadn't seen since August and I still got to enjoy my weekend alone with some friends out of town.
Friday morning their father texts me saying he is coming to get them even though I told him he missed out the day prior. He must've thought I was joking. I told him we were out of town and that maybe next time he can keep his appointments with his kids. He wrote back and asked me did I get the work done on the car before I left town. I didnt reply.
Monday (today) on my way to work he calls me and tells me that if I dont show him proof that the work was done on the car by Wednesday he is taking the car from me. He also said that he is pressing charges because he knows I've been breaking into his house and he has wittnesses and there are files missing from his computer. I started laughing at him over the phone and told him I had no idea what he was talking about lol. He hung up. I texted him and said:
"Your plans to be cruel and vindictive are going to backfire and hurt no one but you and the kids. You cant hurt me anymore so stop trying and just be a good father.
All that other stuff I have no idea what your talking about so swallow it and leave me be."
He didnt reply.
My sister told me to go buy a Club for the car so in case he wanted to be an ass he couldn't take it. I pay for that car and the work he was inquiring about was just having the oil changed!! How petty! I think he's going to try and do anything to hurt me and get back at me for not allowing him to be in control of what I do anymore. He's pissed because I didnt fit around his schedule to see the kids, he's pissed I went out of town, and he's pissed because I know what he's been up to and the personal files on his computer I deleted well over a month ago, he's just now finding it out. You can't break into someone's house when they leave the door unlocked and when your name is still on their bank accounts and you still get mail there. The cops would look at him like he's stupid. The nerve of him even wanting to press charges after all the cuts and bruises I have from him after us fighting 2 weeks ago is absurd!!
I can't wait till I get my day in court for visitation/child support I wont have to deal with this crap, I just want it to be over...the pain of missing him and still loving this arrogant man hoping he would wake up and want his family back is too much to bear. Everything is still fresh people keep saying. It seems like we've broken up forever even though it just happened in August. I guess Im waiting for that year mark - where will we both be a year from now?
Do you ladies think I was wrong in any way? Im trying to handle it like a business without trying to wear my heart on my sleeve but it is so hard especially when he's using his anger towards our breakup against the kids and second guessing watching his children for females and his new bachlorhood.

This is just my opinion, but I don't think you were wrong for not letting him have the children. In my "proposal" for my divorce decree, it says that if my stbx can't take our dd on his assigned time, whatever that may be, then he has to give 24 hours notice - in writing. I'm sure that will never happen with him, but oh well...if he doesn't show up, he doesn't get our dd. If he's late, then he doesn't get dd either.
Personally, your ex sounds like a huge jerk, and he's messing with you. Okay, so he says you entered his home and whatever else. Just forget about it. If you didn't, then you have nothing to worry about. I know it's frustrating, irritating, and scary at times. Believe me, I'm going to court tomorrow for my r/o and I'm terrified. But these so called men are just trying to scare us and make everything hard for us. It took a lot for me to stand up and get a back bone with my stbx, I'm still struggling with it actually, but it will be better for me in the long run.
Don't rely on this guy, he's already proven that he can't be trusted in countless ways. Don't text him, leave him messages, or have any contact with him. If he wants to see the kids he will contact you. I personally don't think it's our responsibility to check in and make plans with these guys to make sure they want to spend time with their children. If they meant anything at all to these men then they would be jumping through hoops and dropping everything to be with them, but they're not. He's just trying to mess up your life and your plans and make everything difficult for you. That's their m/o. They don't want you to have it easy or good...so its been in my situation. Don't worry about it if you can. Just be the best mother you can be and let this guy dig his own grave, which he is. One day your children will see him for who he truly is, just as mine will with my stbx.
You are a strong woman, you're just going through a tough time. But count yourself lucky...at least you're not in a relationship with this guy any longer!
You are in my thoughts and prayers! Stay strong and have faith that everything will work out for the better!
Kait
It depends.
Is the formal agreement for him to pick them up on Thursday night or Friday morning? You cannot expect him to pick them up early. But by the same token, he should be expected to stick to the schedule or you have to make other plans, which you did.
I know that you two have a lot of animosity. You do want to set boundaries, but you have to be careful that they do not have a negative effect on the kids. You do want to take the high road to promote his relationship with them because that is a long-range goal that will benefit all in the end after this mess blows over.
I think you should avoid any extra talk with him right now. Just stick to the issues with the kids and do your best to accomodate them spending time together. You don't have to go out of your way.
Be careful that you do not have a history of preventing him from seeing them, especially before the court decides - because the court usually does not tolerate that whatsoever and you can get in trouble for it.
You have to get over your feelings of anger if you want to maintain a good civil working relationship with him as the parent to your children.
He is not always going to be nice or accomodating with the schedule and you are going to be left holding the bag. Welcome to the world of a single mom - it does $uck - but this is the small price you pay for being the primary custodial parent. To me, that is worth it. I have learned that my exh will do what he is going to do when he wants to do it. He is very selfish - that is why we are divorced.
But I have learned to always have a back up plan. When I really want to do something, I NEVER depend on him - I always have a sitter lined up. I never fail myself.
I hope this helps.
I think you did the right thing this time, but like Judy said, you need to be careful you're not viewed as impeding the relationship he has with his kids.