is this typical?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
is this typical?
16
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 12:44pm

so is this typical for a guy.... well, i think we've seen it on the boards a lot... *sigh* men...


anyway, so now MM is saying that he "gravitates" towards me, etc. that he "pulled back"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 2:17pm
It's very possible that becoming comfortable with yourself has given you confidence and confidence is incredibly sexy.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 3:54pm

I agree. The fact that you aren't obsessing maybe makes you more appealing. I know I have to take a lesson in that department, too.

Maybe, too, he is aware that you have someone else on the horizon? Sometimes some guys find that a challenge. I think it's odd, myself, but I ain't a guy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 4:47pm

I have to agree that being confident is sexy. I'm trying to wrok more on that to even tho I really need to work on a couple issues I have.


I think MM is noticing that bout you. I would stick him on the friends burner because now it just seems like he can't make up his mind. I don't think you were being needy at all. I think he's just regretting a choice that he made.


JL

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 4:58pm
The guy sounds similar to how I used to be, and I'm the poster boy for avoiding commitments. I can think of several relationships I've been in where I've done the same thing. I'll be attracted to a woman, really enjoy the time we spend together at first, and then run as soon as she seems to really want me around that much. Then, I'll second guess the decision, and go overboard with my declarations of how much I've realized I really want the relationship to work. Then it all starts over again. Unfortunately, the women in those cases were interested enough in me to put up with that nonsense, so they all ended up with the same non-present me in the relationship once I ended up back at square one. I never did this consciously. I think it was mostly the result of me feeling like I was supposed to want to be in a long-term relationship since that's what we're taught is the normal and right thing to want. As it stands today, I realize that I actually enjoy being single more than I enjoy being with someone long-term, so the women I spend time with no longer have to deal with my indecision.
I'm not saying that this MM character is doing the same things for the same reasons, but he sounds like a pretty introverted person who, in the long run, might be better off by himself than with someone else. There are actually a few of us out there. Unfortunately, our social norms don't allow us to actually feel like this is a legitimate lifestyle choice, so we spend several broken relationships fighting against the feeling and dragging some unfortunate women along with us for the ride. However, obviously you know the guy better than I do, and everything I said might be wrong. I'm just throwing it out there as an angle to look from.


Edited 10/26/2008 4:59 pm ET by crossingbridges
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 5:20pm

thanks all.. well, i gotta say MM has boosted my ego this week with all the really nice things he's said... so i will store them in my brain and reflect on them when i'm feeling trapped at home. I know my worth but it's also nice to see someone else notice it too.


but my goal is still NO OVERTHINKING....


loonybunny


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 5:32pm

interesting perceptive - and very legit.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 6:32pm

"but my goal is still NO OVERTHINKING...."

I am so with you there, sister. Shall we telepathically send this message to each other every morning, say around 7am, in order to make our day less insane than it already is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 6:57pm

good plans... here's how i've been stopping myself. I don't try to think other peoples thoughts. I think my own thoughts. I act based on what i know, NOT what i kinda think might be the case... NOT trying to read between the lines, etc. Then i look inside myself... i find the answer within and stick with it. A good change from the second guessing that i was doing. I find my worth from within and thru my faith. NOT what other people think of me.


It's been working for me this week so i'll keep with it....


Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 9:01pm
I DO THE EXACT SAME THING!!! Always trying to "read between the lines" and never getting it right. Making myself insane with worry. Analyzing every word that I said, didn't say, should have said. I wish I had the self confidence to not worry about what other people think. ARGH. I thought this nonsense was supposed to get better as we get older.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sun, 10-26-2008 - 9:07pm

Loony,

I agree with wildcatsfan. I dont think its you at all. I think he is unsure of himself more than he is unsure of you. I think he has always been interested in you and that scares him and tempts him at the same time. He reminds me of RG big time. He likes what he see's in you and knows what he wants but is afraid and unsure of it all at the same time. Make sense?

Laurie

anonymous

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