Ugg.. cringing and walking on eggshells.
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| Mon, 08-11-2008 - 6:00pm |
Why is it that I'm scared to death of the 30 day mark? I seriously think its about time for therapy. I cannot keep a man past 30 days to save my life. I don't know what it is! So now that Medic has my full attention I"m realizing that its almost been 30 days since our first date, I'm officially smitten with him, and just waiting for him to end things.
We joked in the beginning of me being the queen of 30 days or less. So I made a comment yesterday about Ah-Oh, you're creeping up on the thirty day mark.. better watch out! He responds with "Well, I guess we should talk then". Why must I assume that I'm about to get dumped? Lol.. I am so on eggshells right now and just needing some kind of confirmation I think?
He just got back from the beach on Friday. He was so wonderful while he was gone. He called and sent a picture every day he was there. We saw eachother for a few hours on Saturday and it was wonderful.. but our goodbye kiss was ruined by the horrid stetch of my garbage can lol! I honest to god have such an insane fear of being dumped out of the blue that the thought even crossed my mind that he'll dump me because my trash smelled so bad. "Oh she's disgusting, how could I ever live with someone like that" seriously!
He originally wanted to see me Wed. but I have to work. So I said well, actually we could go swimming in the afternoon and I got the "No, I have to study". Then he's off Thurs. night at 6pm, so I asked if we could spend the evening together and I got the "No, I have plans" so I'm beginning to get very insecure I guess. His difficult schedule is part of the reason why I like him so much. He's working so so hard for a better life (education) and I admire that SO much!
After the heart breaker I just feel like nothing is a good sign. Everything can seem perfect and then be over in the blink of an eye. And after my marriage I just constantly feel like I"m not good enough, and given enough time men will discover this: aka within 30 days.
I don't know what to do to stop feeling this way. I feel so self conscious about everything in my life not being good enough. I'm thinking once school starts I might start therapy or something.. I can go during the day I guess. I can't afford it.. might look into United Way or something.
Thanks for letting me vent :)

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I love reading your post because they are always fun and you have a great outlook on life. Although, i don't have anything good advice on the 30 day thing... i rarely make it that far myself. All i can say is "one day at a time"....
kinda makes me think of climbing and people always saying "don't look down". why do they say that? perhaps
I agree with Loony- keep looking up and not at the date.
"keep looking up"
Well, call it my fear or a hunch... but yesterday was very much not a normal day for Medic and I. Not only did he turn down every day this week (I'm scared to ask if we're still on for Saturday) he went very much out of our routine, and he
I don't know what to say except hang in there.
Why does it sound to me like he's dating someone else? Trust your gut!
No more phone calls to him- let him come and explain himself.
Geez - your so much like me.
JH
Ooooh, THIS IS WHAT I HATE ABOUT DATING!
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