UGH!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
UGH!!!
9
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 9:49pm

Ok.... I'm starting to get a little tired of the online dating thing... maybe I'm shallow, but I don't want to:


-date someone who would be my height if I had my heels on


-date someone my father's age-if I wanted to date someone that old, I would ask my dad to hook me up!


-date someone who does not live in my city- MY city is on an island-don't message me if you're on the mainland!!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 10:29pm

As a veteran OLD user, I come to the conclusion that it is VERY hard to connect with someone online (duh). I believe that if I met 10-20% of the woman I "rejected" online that I would at least be/make/want to be friends with or possibly explore a romance with.

Chemistry is 80% of getting through that first encounter and how can you determine that online?

I realize that we are all out there looking, feeling the loneliness, feeling the need for an instant connection where our expectations are set up by Internet and popular culture mentality.

I agree with you on wanting my equal and it IS hard to find someone who I consider good looking and visa versa. I see chemistry and attraction IS based partly on looks. That's a biological fact. I also think there is a certain je ne sais quoi which goes along with that which again cannot be conveyed online.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 10:54pm

Yes, you're sooo right- and meeting face to face is the ONLY way to know if there's chemistry or not...


Ok- so tonight I'm on POF and someone messages me through the IM- he's older, not attractive and in the navy- next, next, next... so I just close the window.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
In reply to: cl_alison
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 12:05am

"-date a guy who sounds effeminate- I'm sorry, but I don't want to date a guy who everyone will be saying, "gee, I thought he was gay!""

I can relate....I was dating this really nice guy....his voice always threw me. I LOVE the deep sexy voices...his was not. He did have a "gay tone" to his voice. I could not get over that. This was about 8 months ago...now I kind of regret my choice cuz he would be a great catch for someone! But I guess just not me....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 11:52am

I remember being contacted by a man who was 68, a heavy drinker, smoker, checked off the 'does not like children' box, and in his intro note he said 'must not be interested in marriage'.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 12:34pm

I agree on passing the Visual Test AND sometimes online pictures just don't convey how attractive a person is. I also know that some pictures just make it obvious that she is not the one for me. Case in point: I met this "ordinary" looking woman off Match. When I met her in person, WOW. I found her to be very attractive. On the Online Dating board, someone said a friend of his posts deliberately "plain" pictures of herself so men won't want her based solely on her looks. On the flip side, I really doubt men do that.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 12:42pm

I know, I know. I could have written this post. OMG. The thing that is great about OLD is that it brings a ton of singles to your computer that you might not meet otherwise. So that is the good thing. But a good thing is also a bad thing - you have to sort through a LOT you don't like and it is discouraging because it is hard to find a mutual match.

But remember, it only takes one! And I think it is better to be out there than not.

Your list is great, Alison. Not shallow at all. You have to find an equal. and if you write a list and want an equal, you will get it.

Hang in there, sweetie! You have been getting a LOT of attention!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 1:48pm

ITA with what everyone has said. OLD is not awful or less effective than IRL meeting/dating... it's just different. I think the good thing about OLD is that it opens up a whole new realm of people that you might not ever meet in regular everyday happenings. I'd never have run into Hiker in my everyday places. But thankfully, because of OLD, we have found each other. And I have had to deal with alot of "nexts" before I met him as well. And had he not become such a good match for me, he'd be just another "next" as well. Like Judy says... all it takes is that One. But you can't find him/her unless you're at least out there at some point.

If it's time to take a break from OLD, then take a break! I took several breaks in the time that I tried it. I just couldn't stick with it for more than a few months at a time before I got disgusted with the process (and lack of prospects) and I'd take a break. The next time I'd try again- there will still be some of the same people, but always some new ones too- and those were my newest targets. lol

I don't think you're shallow for wanting what you want, Alison! I think it's great when you KNOW what it is that you want, rather than just being out there, grabbing onto anything that breathes! Go for what you want. Don't ever settle! And don't ever settle for someone unless he thinks of YOU as a prize in return. You don't want to be with someone who might think later on that HE settled just because he was giving up on trying. I agree with Soonee in that you really do have to have a relationship in which both partners feel like they 'got a great deal'... and that is part of what makes finding a suitable partner so tough. You just have to find the right combination of strengths and weaknesses that match or complements yours- and when it works, it just WORKS.

But I agree- it's so hard to find that 'on paper' in someone's profile. You almost HAVE to give them a test run IRL to know for sure, if they seem to have potential! But it's unfortunate that you have to wade through all those who are doing OLD for other reasons and have different goals for being there. Believe me, I've been there!! Thankfully though- the "next" button is readily available and free of charge.

~shrimpy, thankful that the BTDT shirts are at the bottom of the drawer now, but they are well-worn

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: cl_alison
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 9:37am

Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some of the "looks" things really don't matter to me (although I'm not a size 2) including height. Being the same height with heels on is fine. But to each his own.

I do have to say that otherwise I agree. You have to have a job and be able to support yourself. At my age, anything else is totally unacceptable.

BTW I'm a very attractive woman, but many men think they have to have a woman at least 10 years younger than looks like a supermodel regardless of how they look. And I have found that most very attractive men are often very shallow. I know that is a generalization but the ones I have dated in the past seem to be womanizers and not looking for anything more.

Priscilla who doesn't think a great catch is always the best looking guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 9:46am
Those are really wise words, Priscilla.