Ugh, change in developments ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Ugh, change in developments ...
3
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 10:17am

Not horrible, but 1st, i cannot GET a Restraining order based on the "possibility" of what he "may do", according to the DV center. Even with his history, even with past threats, honestly, there have been no IMMINENT threats made to me physically at this point. THATS what i need to get one. OR, if he "revves" up after he finds out his visitation is stopped, I am to keep all the documentation of phone calls & emails of course, & then use that to get an order for a RO based on harassment. & of course, if i get even 1 IMPLIED physical threat, the judge will order one.

In addition, the doc (i talked to him & my atty today) cannot provide me with anything in writing at this point about not taking her from school/dance/etc, b/c its not a court order. & we have joint custody. Sure, i could GET a court order ... but that would mean an emergency hearing to petition for temp sole custody, & i honestly do NOT have the $$$ to do that at this point. It would cost me 2K, minumum. I already owe my atty $4500 at this point (after having paid him about 15K so far in the past 2 yrs).

The school IS aware of everything & is very willing to "refuse to let her go" with him & will contact me 1st. But when it comes down to it, i have NO legal way to involve the police or something, if he does try, b/c we DO have joint custody. The school will call me immedietly if he is on the grounds, but still, in the end, i cant do a damn thing about it ... But the psyc doc said "if an incident happens, & he tries to see her or take her, then you go to court & you will get a sole custody order immedietly, & a restraining order for her as well, b/c he will have been told by me that he cannot see her, yet he broke that."

So - its like waiting to "see", in both cases, & instead of being able to be pro-active, we just have to be re-active. Which SUCKS.

I am praying that MY feeling that he really wont do anything, that he will be so furious that he will just stop all contact & not even speak to Averey, is what he will do. & Averey is aware that absolutely if her Dad comes to get her ANYwhere, no matter what he says, i will NOT have sent him to get her. I told her to tell another adult immedietly that she isnt supposed to go with her Dad, & to call her mom right away. Let me tell you how hard it was to make her understand

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 11:42am
UGH - talk about an opposition to progress. But hopefully you have your ducks in a huddle so if he tries anything you know what to do to get it all put into place. I think your psych's advice is good and it is good you told Avery not to go off with her dad without you. HUGS! It certainly is not the way we all wanted it to go - but it is the best you can do for now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 3:52pm
Oh, believe me, Im ready for anything. I wont give him an inch.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 5:37pm

Oh hugs, R!!!!!!! So much for trying to be proactive and protective. Sucks that you have to wait until he DOES something (currently, despite the threats and things he HAS done in the past) before you can get the system to help you get some protection for yourself and Ave. I just hope that if he tries something, he fails at it- so you WILL have the time to get help.


Sucks, I tell ya. And I hope that you're right in how you feel about him- that he is just a big verbal

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<