Umarmung und Kuß - Date Story
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| Thu, 05-31-2007 - 1:01am |
That is German for hug and kiss.
Okay. Sit down. How can this be?
Recap of how we met. Yesterday you remember I was pissed off that I took second fiddle to a boatload of beer. So, I remembered that FF said I look much better than my pix. And I noticed that I looked good compared to the girls FF's friends were dating that were my age. And my online pix are 5 years old and are mishmash of ones other people take and email to me. So, I set out to do better and to make sure the beer drinker sees it. My poor assistant got a text message so early in the morning - hurry and get here you need to take pix of me. She is like WTF? She had liked the FF.
Anyway, pix go up.
Last night I had craziness on my laptop. Alison is on IM telling me about her date. And I am on the POF IM with 2 guys from POF. There were others trying to IM too but I didn't like them and when I shut them off I shut them all off. And then the German guy comes on and says am I having trouble making up my mind? I say no - just connection problems - but by now he is already in another chat. Whatever. The South African comes back on and when I ask him what he likes to do for fun he mentions sex - so he gets the delete key big time. I go back to the German because I find his IM box waiting. So we chat.
Not a big deal - he is 6 years younger and not living here but commuting from another place but moving here- so that is okay. We have hesitation. And then I ask him where he used to live. I don't know we are typing - then we realize we both used to live in Switzerland and blab about that. I ask him what he is looking for because he has "other" as a relationship and he says he wants someone who can cook (cough cough - you all know I went to cooking school and have done that my whole life) and who is well travelled with an open mind and who is fit. His father was a chef who worked for the same company as my mentor in Switzerland. And he lived in one of the places I went to school. I am trying to remember my swiss german. At the same time I am trying to send Alison his profile and instead of hitting the profile button I hit the kiss key and send him a kiss - HORRORS - that is not playing it cool - so I apologize and he is funny he sends the smack noise.
Okay - so he is funny - I tell him he can have my cell and he says no he already has a cell phone. Wise guy. But I give him the number. This morning he is back on POF waiting to IM me and see if he can call during the day while he is driving here.
He calls an we chat and have fun on the phone. He says he wants to meet me tonight. Why not? There are no plans for me anyway. And DS is going with his dad - how convenient. He says we should meet on the beach. But he is concerned that is far for me to drive. But I explain it is really half way from where he is and he has been driving 4 hours and I have been home all day and would love to go to the beach.
So I get to the beach and I think I see him standing there. I call him and he reaches for his cell phone and I say I am right behind you. We both look like our pix and I can tell we approve so that is good.
We sit at the bar - and he only has 1.5 glasses of wine the whole night - same as me. We did discuss that - and our online dating and basic life history. All boxes are checked for what we want out of our lives from here and what we have been through and stuff like that.
He is 39 - 6 years younger and that is okay - it is not a big deal and like we are both the same. We talked a lot and got along great and had a great time. He brought me chocolate from Germany which I love!! And he asked if he could hold my hand which was nice. He kissed me a few times at the end before we left the bar - just nice - not crazy. Then he walked me to my car. And I let him really kiss me and the sparks flew. How can this be? I did not expect that. He is sad that I will leave for a week - but I say he can call me while I am in Jackson Hole.
I like him. I like his accent - will see where it goes and report. How lucky is that?

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Wow- I go out on a date and come back to find you've not only been out on a date- but been kissing someone!!!!
Yoooo-hoooo! I am now officially your cheerleader for German guy. And all because of my Monkey - also German, also six years younger, also wonderful ;o))
I can't wait to hear more - sounds like a perfect date! I am waaaaaay too excited for you.
Clem xx
I was thinking of you when I got back - I knew you were out on your date and figured it was good because you weren't on the IM!! :-)
We both said we definitely wanted to see each other again. There is a good German restaurant here and he wants to take me to it because I have never been.
He is here until Saturday (I leave early tomorrow morning for my trip) and then he goes back to his house 4 hours from here to get it ready to rent out. Then I think he is back here Monday. He always comes here twice a week and is really looking forward to stay here and not have to do that commute anymore. It is funny because his boss/company offered him the promotion for here and he dragged his feet on it for a year because all of his friends are near his house and it is more expensive to buy a house here. But now he is ready.
He said he is going to find it hard not to be able to see me for over a week - but we agreed we can talk and send messages on our cell phones. I think that makes it more adventurous and yes it makes me harder to get.
We talked a lot about our online dating experiences. He was married for 3.5 years and has been divorced for that long as well. His wife cheated on him and left him for someone else. He had met her in Germany - she is half German half American. He moved here for her. They had a business together and sold it and then he went back to doing here what he did over there which is sales in a construction trade. And now he is well established. He also has his green card - he made sure to tell me that right away.
I did explain I have a son to raise and I cannot have any more kids at 45. He is okay with that. His profile had said undecided for kids. I think he really wants to find the person that is right for him more than he wants to have kids or not kids and then let the situation dictate what to do. He loves to travel and be outdoors - that is the one hit we really have in common. It was fun to hear his stories. And to share our travel stories.
There are a lot of "doors" we have to go through - like do we both want to be exclusive? And how do we get along on a more regular basis? And does he like to be around kids? (I think that one is yes because he loves his family and friends) But these are all the normal doors you go through to get to a real relationship. And it is fun to open them and see - I want to take my time and enjoy the whole process.
I did nix 2 of the guys who were in the original lineup of 4 people. One is a single dad who is really busy with his kids and is a little far - he is the one we have emailed back and forth just a few times in little drabs since my first days of match it was only since I put up the new pix that he even wanted to call. He was too busy to call me back yesterday. He called when I was driving carpool so I didn't answer (don't you think the kids would have loved THAT conversation! LOL!!) and then I called him back a little later. I do realize he was in a football draft with his son, but how hard is it to take 5 minutes just to say hi? But he is leaving today on a trip - so whatever. The other guy was the one who is the driver - he called and I didn't like his voice plus he has a tattoo that is visible on his arm. The last one did not call - he is the one who is over 40 and single.
There are a lot more messages in my email box - I have to go through them - some were too far away or too old.
Feel free to bug away!
I just got back from my German class - we certainly were not discussing Umarmungs and Kusses ;o)
Judy 'n' Heinz. I love it! So, can we call him Heinz? (unless that is really his name LOL)
Clem xx
I have a list of things I can say, but watch out about the two major things:
German men are all about themselves. They are ALL mammi's boys, because Mommy's in Germany SPOIL their sons. And if they don't, Daddy does. So be careful he's not looking for a HAUSFRAU. It would be interesting to find out how long he lived at home, so ask him. LOL. Most German men stay home or near the home until they are close to 30. To have mommy wash the clothes and care for them.
Just watch the little stuff.
Secondly, Germans have almost no tolerance for children. That is why they have almost none and the goverment pays them to have kids. Has he ever been married? That would be interesting to know too, because usually if they are in their 30's and single, they were never married. If he was married, find out why he divorced, because I guarantee that most German men cheat on their significant others. It's part of the culture. Known fact. But the women usually stay in the marriage anyhow.
Anyway, I hope that this guy turns out to be cool, but I thought I'd warn you with a few things to look out for. I'll never date another German man for many many reasons, but mainly for the top two.
Ok, so I didn't read the other post about him moving here for his X wife, etc. Even though she cheated on him. That would bring a thousand different questions to mind. I know I sound pesimisstic and Miss Clemmy has a keeper. I didn't say their aren't the 2%er's out their that are good, but I just never met one after 18 years of living abroad. German men are just notorious. The key is too know how long they lived in the States. If they lived in the States longer, then they tend to be somewhat more Americanized and not so much the "Deutsche Gruendlichkeit". Be careful of that mentality. Miss Clemmy can tell you all the positives, I'll tell you all the negatives. LOL.
Edited 5/31/2007 9:23 am ET by myprecioustwo
Holy potato, you waste no time!
I am SO glad for you!
I love that the sparks flew, and your trip will be a natural way to keep him wanting more.
Will you continue to see the other three contenders, or is door #1 the big winner?
I like his sense of humor already, and seriously hope date #2 is just as good.
Keep us posted!
Moody, obviously not catching up fast enough
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I appreciate your warnings - those are good things to watch for. You poor thing!!
I am encouraged because his mom is from Spain and his dad is German - but he grew up part of the time in Switzerland - that is a connection for us since I went to school there. He and his brother worked hard in their family restaurant and he learned to cook from his dad and loves to cook. And he moved here for his exw who ended up cheating on him. And he brought chocolate for me and my son and said he hopes he is lucky enough to meet him one day. So I think we are cool. And I am no "hausfrau" - will have to remember that one and tease him about that!! :-)
LOL for "Miss Clemmy can tell you all the positives, I'll tell you all the negatives" !!
Well, we've both just proved that cultural stereotyping is a load of rot! I've never met any German guys like you describe, and you've never met any like I describe! Too funny :o))
Let's keep all our fingers and toes crossed for Judy that this one is a good 'un!
Clem xx
Thanks, Moody.
The other three contenders are now out. The first has sent lukewarm emails in the past and is busy with his kids and is older - I got to speak with him briefly yesterday - he called and I was driving carpool so I called him back a little after. But then he was busy with his son- which is okay - but then he didn't call back.
The second is a 40+ and never married and put this whole huge dissertation about all the OLD types he doesn't like - so those are two strikes - and then he didn't call - so that is the third.
The third has a big tattoo you can see and I didn't like his voice in his message.
But now there is a triathlete who is just a little older who moved here from Chicago - he has a nice profile and sent an email.
So I am not sure. Just have to wait and see.
I was pondering the process this morning and I feel that a relationship requires a trip down a long corridor where you open many doors for examination of different things about each other. For example, I think you have to spend lots of time together to see if you really like each other and can develop a friendship and enjoy each others company. You have to see if you want the same things out of life. If you have the same integrity and beliefs or can tolerate that of the other. And if you have the same attitude towards money and finances. And religion, inlaws and politics. And I have the additional door of a child - I have to see how the other person acts around my son and what kind of influence he brings. I would introduce them at some point if we are exclusive and looking good to get a sense for that - but not allow them to spend any kind of significant time together because I don't want them to have a bond until I have a strong bond.
The decision you have to make early on is if the person is worthy of the trip through all those doors. Because it is an investment of time and a matter of taking yourself off the market to do that.
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