Oh rlch - when will he ever learn/ Maybe never!! And in front of the psych? How idiotic. I think it is fine the doc didnt intervene because he needs to see how much good this break has done Taz and it seems like he hasnt made any progress at all. Certainly not enough to see her. I dont think he was fairly appropriate at all from what you write. It just isnt good enough behavior to be around her IMO. I really feel for both of you. You did right by talking to her in the car. She does need you to tell her it isnt ok and that she can stand up for herself. She is so lucky to have you!! BIG HUGS over there...
He is hideous for sure. I can't wait to hear what the psych says.
I fear that without the psych he would become a monstrosity in her life and be emotionally abusive and controlling. How horrid. I am sorry you had to go through that. I wonder how bad he would be if the psych was not there.
UGH.
I think you took great notes and you did good to tell her that it is NOT appropriate for him to say those things to her.
I guess my initial gut reaction is that he needs a lot more work and I don't think he is ready yet. I am not sure how you can have him at the communion - but maybe the psych will have a plan?
Yes - get in touch with the psych and keep us posted.
One more thing - BIG BIG kudos to you for swinging the last minute meeting. I think that shows very good will on your part and I know that is not easy given that you have such a schedule and are shouldering all the parenting plus your strenuous job all alone. A big hug to you!! You do have your heart in the right place to help Avery.
TAZ should be happy you swung that but instead he picks apart her appearance for being a kid - like you would have had all day to buff and polish and puff. PLLLEEEEEEZE!!
I guess i should have said "for HIM", it was pretty mild, compared to what she was being subjected to when she was seeing him b4.
Its NOT good enough for her. Its not. Its SO unfuriating. :(
I called the doc & left a VM saying that I was concerened about all the negative things he was saying to Averey about her hair, teeth, clothes, nails & cleanliness - & my voice started cracking in the voice mail b/c i wanted to cry for her. I told him what she said about "Daddy not liking who she is" ... & asked him to call me.
I PRAY he feels it was all as bad as I think it was.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
The only way he would be at the communion would be to participate in walking her up - period. She would then leave w/ me & my family. & he isnt invited (woudlnt have been anyway) to the after party, b/c its at MY home. He made his bed, he can lie in it.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
Thanks. Worked last nite, slept 10-1 & got the call for the 5pm appt, couldnt get back to sleep. Got dd there, & then am back at work tonite for a 13 hr overnite. It WASNT easy. Thank YOU for appreciating it, b/c HE sure doesnt.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
I would be afraid he would make a scene in front of the church!! Maybe you better rehearse the whole thing in the psych's office.
He is such an ungrateful, critical, selfish, unhappy idiot! URGH - I think we all want to put him on the karma bus - I chip in $100 virtual dollars - do you think that would mean the bus would take him on a one way trip to the Arctic region? Everyone else will chip in, too, maybe we could collectively afford a KARMA SHIP - that would go farther away - like the tip of Africa - or to Indonesia!! LOL!!
I would have the same concern as west about him creating a scene at the church or somehow tainting it for her. In some ways, because you have been so honest with her, she might be able to understand that he was given a chance and the doc just doesnt think he is quite done with work to be a good Dad yet. Nobody including Avery could claim you havent bent over backwards to help him get his act together. As important as this is to her there will be so many milestones and what he is showing right now just simply isnt good enough - he quite clearly puts her little spirit at risk every time she is in his presence. I know your hope is that eventually he will get there and then when she has so many more milestone opportunities you can all look back and know you did the right thin by holding out hope. I Just know that I would give an inch too early. I think it may only guarantee a setback for things to come with what you have told him in the past. You must feel exhausted and under so much pressure for her to have her day perfect for her first communion. I really wish we could see into the future so we could know what would make things go Ave's way. Hopefully the psych will have a decision for you based on today and some solid advice about where to go from here. Is it possible that the psych will forbid him from even going to her first communion? Is there to be no contact whatsoever until he or the courts deem it ok? Or is that just for visitation?
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BIG HUGS over there...
He is hideous for sure. I can't wait to hear what the psych says.
I fear that without the psych he would become a monstrosity in her life and be emotionally abusive and controlling. How horrid. I am sorry you had to go through that. I wonder how bad he would be if the psych was not there.
UGH.
I think you took great notes and you did good to tell her that it is NOT appropriate for him to say those things to her.
I guess my initial gut reaction is that he needs a lot more work and I don't think he is ready yet. I am not sure how you can have him at the communion - but maybe the psych will have a plan?
Yes - get in touch with the psych and keep us posted.
One more thing - BIG BIG kudos to you for swinging the last minute meeting. I think that shows very good will on your part and I know that is not easy given that you have such a schedule and are shouldering all the parenting plus your strenuous job all alone. A big hug to you!! You do have your heart in the right place to help Avery.
TAZ should be happy you swung that but instead he picks apart her appearance for being a kid - like you would have had all day to buff and polish and puff. PLLLEEEEEEZE!!
I guess i should have said "for HIM", it was pretty mild, compared to what she was being subjected to when she was seeing him b4.
Its NOT good enough for her. Its not. Its SO unfuriating. :(
I called the doc & left a VM saying that I was concerened about all the negative things he was saying to Averey about her hair, teeth, clothes, nails & cleanliness - & my voice started cracking in the voice mail b/c i wanted to cry for her. I told him what she said about "Daddy not liking who she is" ... & asked him to call me.
I PRAY he feels it was all as bad as I think it was.
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!
I would be afraid he would make a scene in front of the church!! Maybe you better rehearse the whole thing in the psych's office.
He is such an ungrateful, critical, selfish, unhappy idiot! URGH - I think we all want to put him on the karma bus - I chip in $100 virtual dollars - do you think that would mean the bus would take him on a one way trip to the Arctic region? Everyone else will chip in, too, maybe we could collectively afford a KARMA SHIP - that would go farther away - like the tip of Africa - or to Indonesia!! LOL!!
Having come from an emotional/verbally abusive marriage with a controlling man, I will contribute $200 virtual money to get that man on the karma bus.
Good points.
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