I'm glad to read this last post. I also think ( and hope, and pray) that he'll hold it together and put on his "good dad" act at the church. It does mean a lot to Ave for him to be there- for her. If he doesn't show up, it will hurt her so much, solidify her insecurity in her relationship with him, reinforce the thinking that she isn't good enough. PsychoBoy always does behave well under those kind of circumstances. Practically an unrecognizable person.
I also think the whole picking on Ave at the psych is in his mind portraying you as a bad mother. I believe he is trying to manipulate Ave to think you are not caring for her properly since he has been refused visitation for his inappropriate behavior. He doesn't think about how it makes her feel, it is about getting payback, making himself feel better that he isn't the only horrible parent. It doesn't matter how trivial or off base the comments are, to him it is enough to get you to be defensive. This kind of stuff still goes on with PsychoBoy, I refuse to react- or I literally laugh at him. Tell him how absurd his comments are, and laugh. Our sons now react that way as well. After 30 years with this kind of thing- I'm finally immune to it. Keep doing what you already are, reinforcing Averey's self esteem, she'll eventually get to an age that she can cope with his craziness and know it has nothing to do with her.
QueenBun, having a hair standing up on end BTDT moment after reading this thread
I agree that it will make Ave more sensitive to the comments since R pointed them out to her but I think she was right to speak to her about it. Otherwise, I would be worried that she would just start to accept this behavior as totally normal and even if she is turning a deaf ear to such things because she gets used to it I dont think her heart can ever get numb with each assault. IMO it is too soon for her to be around him based on how he acted yesterday but she has heard such abuse from him, someone needs to tell her that that is not how you love someone. Otherwise, wouldnt she look for her Dad later in a mate? We dont want that!!
I agree that noone wants to see Averey yo-yoed around--If he is going to be back in her life neither of you can back out now--he is either in or out, it is not healthy for her to think--"I can see my Dad again" one day and
I dont really have any advice or pearls of wisdom to dump in your lap today, but i did want to say that when i read your post it made my heart ache for you both. Ive had a few TAZs in my life and to read that its being done to Averey just made me break down. Shes got something wonderful in her corner though and thats you.
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Yes, there are a lot of "if's", but they seem reasonable, even do-able.
What I don't like is that after one visit, you agreed to meet in the park.
I'm glad to read this last post. I also think ( and hope, and pray) that he'll hold it together and put on his "good dad" act at the church. It does mean a lot to Ave for him to be there- for her. If he doesn't show up, it will hurt her so much, solidify her insecurity in her relationship with him, reinforce the thinking that she isn't good enough. PsychoBoy always does behave well under those kind of circumstances. Practically an unrecognizable person.
I also think the whole picking on Ave at the psych is in his mind portraying you as a bad mother. I believe he is trying to manipulate Ave to think you are not caring for her properly since he has been refused visitation for his inappropriate behavior. He doesn't think about how it makes her feel, it is about getting payback, making himself feel better that he isn't the only horrible parent. It doesn't matter how trivial or off base the comments are, to him it is enough to get you to be defensive. This kind of stuff still goes on with PsychoBoy, I refuse to react- or I literally laugh at him. Tell him how absurd his comments are, and laugh. Our sons now react that way as well. After 30 years with this kind of thing- I'm finally immune to it. Keep doing what you already are, reinforcing Averey's self esteem, she'll eventually get to an age that she can cope with his craziness and know it has nothing to do with her.
QueenBun, having a hair standing up on end BTDT moment after reading this thread
Alison, I agree with what you said, up and down the line.
I am very concerned that Avery is getting 'yo-yo'ed.
I agree that noone wants to see Averey yo-yoed around--If he is going to be back in her life neither of you can back out now--he is either in or out, it is not healthy for her to think--"I can see my Dad again" one day and
April
Hey Rebecca,
I dont really have any advice or pearls of wisdom to dump in your lap today, but i did want to say that when i read your post it made my heart ache for you both. Ive had a few TAZs in my life and to read that its being done to Averey just made me break down. Shes got something wonderful in her corner though and thats you.
Ah, Rebecca.
I really hope that the psych brings it up with him, that his comments were inappropriate and that he will have to change that behaviour.
I would talk with Ave's one-on-one psych and see if they can give her some tools for dealing with her dad herself if/when he says something like that.
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