Unrealistic Expectations?
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Unrealistic Expectations?
| Mon, 06-30-2008 - 3:56pm |
Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I've posted here, so I'll give a quick refresher. 35 yr. old, divorced, mother of 4 (daughters), been dating SO for

Sweetie,
You don't have unrealistic expectations, you just have the wrong boyfriend from what you type.
The point is - your goal should be - a loving husband who is good for you and for him and for everyone involved who wants to be in a loving marriage.
You have to want THAT with him or without him.
Don't be sad or take it personally if he is unable to give what you want - get over it and get back out there!!
SELFISH about a goal like this is not BAD. Wasting time with a shrew who is uncapable or unwilling is bad.
Thank you for your input. This has been a pain that continues to creep up on me....wondering if I've waited long enough for him to ask me to marry him. I always seem to justify for him: his crazy ex-wife keeps fighting him for custody, our kids won't get along, his lifestyle will be interrupted, etc... I always seem to be able to push the marriage idea to the back of my head, but darnit, I'm beginning to reach the end of my rope.
I remember when I was married to my ex and wondering if there could possibly be someone else out there for me. Then I met my current boyfriend and I find myself wondering the same thing. We have so much in common, have led eerily similar lives, accept each other for who we are, and the prospect of
his crazy ex-wife keeps fighting him for custody, our kids won't get along, his lifestyle will be interrupted,
THOSE sound like reasons you wouldn't be happy with him either.
Don't worry - better alone than with MrWrong. I know you feel the connection and you have a lot in common - but that is not enough.
And just because the outside seems scary - that is not reason enough to stay in.
Hang in there - you listen to your gut and do what is right for you!!
I also
If you knew the situation was NEVER going to
Thank you all so much for your words. This holiday weekend might've been the kicker. Ex-MIL decided to not get the girls this weekend (ex only has 1 day, supervised visitation 2 days a month) which really bites because it's our only ALONE time. His mom (thank God!) takes my girls for the whole weekend usually, every other weekend. Anyway, our original plans were to go to my SO house, spend the night, get up early and spend the day lounging by the pool while the kids played. Then I was looking forward to a kid-free weekend. Instead, we all enjoyed our 4th, stayed that night, and came home Saturday. I promised to take the girls to see the town fireworks Sat. night and they have church the next morning so I decided to just go home (much easier!). Anyway, I asked him (via phone) where he saw us in the next few years, etc.. As always, he dances around and I don't really get a straight answer. The closest I got to an answer was "In 5 years, my son will be 18....." What kind of answer is that? I'm trying real hard to NOT ask
God no its not selfish! YOu want a commitment from him. And you are ready to commit to him too. After 3 years a lot of women would want that. I wanted it after just over a year. Have you discussed it with him and told him you want a time frame for moving the relationship ahead?
Laurie
I believe if you don't know what you want then don't put it on him to “realize” that he wants to be with you in the future. If you are pretending that you don't want marriage but not being truthful to yourself then time to be clear. So many women want mates who are honest but it seems that you are not honest with yourself. Start there.
If you are very clear on wanting marriage then why not tell him that? I would think if you are willing to marry someone after knowing him for 3 years then it should be no problem either asking or telling him. If you don't set a timetable then why should it change?
It seems until you are honest and clear about what you want to yourself then no reason why he should be that way.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb