unwrapped gifts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
unwrapped gifts...
10
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 11:19pm

The last couple of weeks with Mr. 4:15 have been great--I hadn't seen him much, until last weekend, but he's been calling at least every other night--and I've been so happy to hear from him. He met my 6yo D on Saturday--it was great--and he met a lot of my friends (but not my (former?) crush, bike guy, or my mother) and he was an excellent guest. Loved the event and was independent but attentive.

It went so well, I asked him if he wanted to come over the next night (Sun) to watch the Grammy's--have dinner, and generally hang out w/us--that was also great. I am very surprised and grateful that his presence doesn't faze my daughter--they hung out--talked, read (I'm impressed with both of them!) He brought a couple of things in a pile, and one looked like a DVD case--but it was a cd set of old, live Bruce Springsteen. I thought he was lending it to me, because it looked used. It turns out that he bought it on e-bay for me (because he knows how I love Bruce!). Sweet....

So, I didn't hear from him until Valentine's Day (mid-afternoon). Finally got around to saying Happy V Day, and I said it back to him---and he said that the cd was my V present. I just said Oh....and repeated how much I loved it (and I had been listening to it all day because of the storm....) I didn't mention how tough the day had been that far--because deep down I wanted him to call earlier--perhaps get a knock on the door with a flower delivery--or talk about his feelings towards me and the possibility of an exclusive relationship.

I feel so grateful for the thoughtful gift--but it wasn't wrapped--he didn't say it was a V gift on Sunday night--there was no card--and I'm not saying I'm upset, but it's a little frustrating. And typical of men??? I wasn't prepared to give him anything on Sunday. Now I do have a card and gift (wrapped!), but won't see him until Saturday.

Just venting, I guess--I am really grateful and was really surprised...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 11:36pm

I think that especially since he made no mention of it on Sunday when he gave it to you, I can easily understand how you'd be if not expecting, maybe at least hopeful, that on Wednesday there'd be a gift, a card, or even a call earlier.

I also think that if you want there to be an exclusive relationship you should bring it up. Why should you wait for him to decide- if you know that's what you want, there's nothing wrong with telling him that. Even just finding out- maybe he expects that you are exclusive, and it wouldn't be a big deal to simply state it. Sometimes men forget to use words because they know how they feel, and think it's obvious to everyone else.

While I can completely understand the hopeful Valentine's Day, I think he gets major points for giving you a thoughtful gift. Sure, he could have wrapped it, but this is truly a case of it being the thought that counts. Flowers you'd just throw out eventually, but you'll think of him every time you hear that CD, and you'll have it forever.

In any case, keep us posted, I'm sure everyone will chime in, too.

Moody, who would take the music any day!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 6:26am

I agree with what Moody says and think at this point that you have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I think what may have happened with Vday is that he forgot and maybe is not that good with gift giving - many men are like that. So, that is disappointing, but it is forgivable. At least he did go and find you the gift he knew you liked.

I think it is early now to bring up the exclusivity thing. I think you should try to date other people right now because otherwise you are going to go too crazy with just this one. I also think since you are NOT exclusive that you should be busy with other plans so you are not at his beck and call. Why would a man ask for exclusivity if you give that to him and make everything easy.

If you do get a chance to talk about where you stand then you should tell him you are looking for someone who wants to be exclusive with you. It is up to him to decide if that is him.

I honestly think he likes you from what you have said. But I don't know if he is thinking anything more than today or tomorrow right now. And it is early in the relationship. I think you have to give it time.

I don't think you should give him that Vday gift. I would take it back to the store, use it myself or donate it to charity. Because it is after the fact and he did not really give you one.

But that is just my opinion on what I would do. I am not you! So you will hopefully get a lot of opinions here and mix them all up and do what you feel is best for you.

Good luck and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 1:27pm
Thanks moody,
Yes, it is frustrating, because I was confused about the gift. We need to work on our communication--he's not that open, but I believe he's honest.
I don't know if I'm ready for the exclusive talk--but, of course, I want him to want it...(just being honest). And, I've made the mistake of bringing up the serious things with men before they're ready. I don't want to do that with him.
Rock on...
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 1:42pm

I appreciate your thoughts--and I agree that it's too early in our relationship to be exclusive--though I believe he is, and I am (due to not getting any interesting action on match lately). But, I think he does think about the future (maybe with me), he's mentioned having me come to his friend's summer house this summer (I just smiled), he been asking about my daughter--in a very appropriate way, he seems to be slowing us down a bit physically (much to my chagrin!), but wanting to see me/talk more in public places or by phone. He loved being married, and has been divorced for ~5 years.

I will give him his gift (homemade candy-turtles!), and a card, with a personal note. If nothing else, he can see how I do it, and maybe learn how to present a gift. :)

You are right on with me not being so available--I'm going to work on that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 3:52pm

I think you should send ME those handmade turtles!! I love those!!

Okay - sounds good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 4:52pm

I would not give him a Valentine's present. He is not your exclusive boyfriend and despite what he says..he didn't give you a Valentine's present. He gave you some Bruce Springsteen CDs that he could have bought new. He did not give you a card.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 5:01pm
One more thing, I just checked Amazon. The Springsteen Live CD set retails for $26 new and you can get it used for $19. So, he didn't want to spend an extra $7 for the new set.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 6:00pm

Well, it's actually a bootleg 3 cd set of a concert he did in 1980--so it wouldn't be available on Amazon. And, I don't think he spent a lot on it--but he remembered a conversation we had about Bruce, when I said I had never seen him before this past summer (with folk group) and how it was a major regret of mine....so I absolutely give him points for the thoughtful gift. He certainly did lack in presentation, card and timing (or wording), and I'm going to let those pass. Also, I already told him that I have a gift for him. I also gave this gift to a few other friends, and brought to my co-workers, so he's not really receiving special treatment--except the card.

But, all of that being said, I do really appreciate your thoughts on this--my Birthday is coming up and I am curious to see if he paid attention....
Thanks,
Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 6:06pm
They are so much easier to make than I thought! The trick is to stop eating them. My daughter LOVED licking the spoons....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 10:05pm

Nah, I disagree. Sure, he's not her exclusive bf, & he didnt "give her a Vday gift" technically - but i wouldnt downplay the CD's from Ebay. She siad they were old CD's & i bet they were very thoughtful, & the only way TO get them was on Ebay. Sure, he COULD have presented them as a gift, w/ a card, but maybe he is out of practice. Many men, unfortunatly, arent all that thoughtful (ok, *Sniff sniff* lol - Carlos was, got me tons of gifts all the time, from a photo book of pg women he came across in a USED book store & knew I would love it

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