Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Update
18
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 11:32am

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:30am

Hugs, PacSun.
Hoo Boy is that one big stressfest.

I really have a hard time with dealing with "adults" who refuse to live up to their obligations and responsibilities when it comes to their kids. Kids HAVE to come first. They can't take care of themselves, they can't be responsible because they are still learning what is right and what is wrong. Once you become a parent, your childhood and days of being irresponsible end. This young woman needs a big dose of "Grow up already!"

You really have to step back and just be there to listen to BE without judging or even giving advice. There is no good advice. His daughter is an adult now, one who obviously doesn't listen to anything he tells her. She's unlikely to listen to anything you say either. You can be a good example to her children if and when you see them, but I don't think she will appreciate any steps you take to give her kids a healthier environment. It is very hard to not let this stuff spill over into your relationship with BE. The only way I keep out of M's drama with his spoiled princess X is to just give him a lot of space, remind him about the importance of setting boundaries with difficult people, and just let him vent.

It is sad about the little girl. Reminds me to give D4 one more kiss on her angelic sleeping face.

QueenBun

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:23am

Sigh.


What a huge mess!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:48am

Your so right, Soonee- I do genuinely care for him, and

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:55am

Thanks, QueenB-


You really have to step back and just be there to listen to BE without judging or even giving advice.


This is where I am now- trying to hold that line of being supportive of BE without judging or trying to "fix" his daughter or her life. I saw her last night with her young son. I sense that she genuinely likes me and I sense she trusts me, so maybe I can at least talk to her. But I am not expecting at all to get through to her. She mentioned her little girl "L" hitting other kids in daycare and

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:58am

I think that is one of the things that is making it soooo easy for me to not dive in for more with Hiker at the moment. All his grandkids that are all still around at his house. The one daughter who has 4 of the granddaughters- is still living in the apartment house in his backyard- so they are all INSIDE his house often! And although I like visiting them and playing with the girly babies... I can't imagine wanting to move my boys all into there as well. So it's just EASY to stay at my house with my place... and let him stay at his with his stuff. And we just date each other when we have time to get together. It's the perfect situation for me right now.


Hugs about all the things going on with BE.


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:15pm

Hey Shrimpy!


Thanks for your input :o)


I think that is why I am staying in my own space lately- I want to keep distant from being sucked in by drama...I don't need anymore drama, lol.


His grandkids are precious...but there is that line I have to hold, because they are not my kids, even as much as I care for them. So, like you, I find having my own space, my own place of refuge so valuable. It is quiet, safe and drama free! BE was kind to come to my place last night to stay over and we had quiet connection time. He respects my need to have some boundaries while supporting him in his decisions and dealing s with his daughter.


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 1:01pm

Hi Pac~Sun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: pacific_sun
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 1:37pm

Thank you, sweetie!!!


I do feel like I am involved for a reason..not to be

~Pacific~

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