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| Sun, 02-03-2008 - 11:03am |
Sorry ladies this is a little long.
On the evening of MLKing day, my dd14 and I got into a huge blow out and once again it was over the school she was attending. She has said for at least 4 years that she is not happy at the private school she has attended for going on 9 years (she started in kindergarten). She said she cannot understand why I keep her in a place where she is not happy.
At any rate, I tossed and turned that night and made a decision to transfer her. I spoke with her dad the next morning and told him and have stood my ground. He threw a HUGE fit. I don't know what all he has said to her over the phone but right now, she doesn't want to see him because of the way he has reacted. I did hear her tell him during a phone conversation that he was being racist and he needs to stop.
I just know the filth that came out of his mouth over the phone at me was horrible. He even said "If she wants to become a "crackwhore" and a "n"lover(don't want to type that word but I'm sure you all know what I mean by the "n"), let her but she's not going to do it with him money." He told me to pack up her laptop and cell phone and he would pick it up at the office. To date, he has still not picked it up. As expected, he is not thinking of anyone but himself. He's said that he's going to spend the money he put aside to send her to the private high school on himself. This money he speaks of ... I highly doubt he even has it otherwise I wouldn't have bill collectors calling my house asking for him.
I have no clue if I have done the right thing, but I do know it has to be tried. The uncertainty of where she is going to high school has to be solved. She knows my expectations of her academically and socially and if either one of these fail, off to private high school she goes. No arguments.
During a session with her counselor a few weeks before this decision, he told me the decision of which high school she would be attending was weighing very heavy on her. The words he said "she WANTS to go to school" stayed with me. She just doesn't want to go to private schools anymore. She has told me ever since 4th grade she just wants to go to public school but I would never transfer her. I did some very deep soul searching of why I wouldn't transfer her and came to the conclusion that it was because of the confrontation I knew I would have with her dad. Because of this conclusion, I have felt so cowardly and very selfish.
Unlike her, I don't believe this will solve her unhappiness that she claims, but I do think she has to see this for herself and realize the real reasons she's unhappy. It just so happened she had a session with her counselor the week this all happened so he knows she is changing schools and she will continue to see him and has an appt with him this week. It would be nice if it would solve her issues with herself but I'm not expecting it to. Being in the small town that we are, I know there are people thinking I've totally lost it by doing this, but you know what...they don't live with this child and neither does her dad for that matter. He is finding out that all the "fun stuff" he BUYS for her thinking it makes her happy just doesn't cut it. Personally, I think by her being in a private school especially over the last 3 years has stifled her in some way. After all, her 8th grade class consists of 6 kids and if you don't feel that you "fit in" with them there's no other group to try to fit into. She has never felt that she fits in. I've always kept her mixed in with public school kids with outside activities so she knows and has friends that go to public school.
The Friday before her first day at public school, I gave her the option of not transferring but she still chose to do so. I still keep a close eye on her and she is not allowed to be at home alone. We've had very long talks about some of the decisions made by a 14 yr old can and will effect a person later on. As a parent my job is to guide her because any 14 yr old needs that. I can only pray this is sinking in on her.
Since all of this, she and I have just been trying to de-stress and adjust to the changes that have taken place in both our lives. I remind her that her dad is still her dad and the both of them have to get through this and that I will help her any way I can. I swear, sometime it feels like as soon as I pull myself up something comes along and knocks me back down.
On the upside, I found a six-week drawing class I can afford and it starts in April so I have signed myself up. I'm really looking forward to it. Our little league baseball group I help with cooked 138 boston butts yesterday and we sold all but six, so that was pretty cool. DD stayed with my neice who she admires (and I do too) Friday night so I could start cooking Saturday a.m. and she had a good time.

Well, I think the counselor was wise and you made the right decision and allowed her to choose her own high school. I think you have weathered the largest storm from your exh and hopefully he will chill and get over it and be glad she WANTS to go to school - and dear heavens it is just for 4 more years. I am glad you are still giving her supervision not to stay home alone - and that you have signed yourself up for an art class!!
Let's pray it only gets better from here!! Hopefully the others will reply to tell you about their own school experiences.
Oooomph. What a WEEK! You poor thing.
1st, I can TOTALLY see Avereys "father" saying some crap like that.
my son attended private school with only 9 kids in his class. he wanted to attend public school.
It is unfortunate her father has the attitudes that he does, but since she knows his attitudes are not the ones she chooses to have herself, I doubt she paid much attention to his rant.
Wishing you a good outcome,
QB
My daughter has a similar situation--she is going to a Catholic school, doesn't feel she fits in, only her class is larger--there are 16 kids/5 of which are girls.
April
High school and our kids! Wow! Isn't it scary?
I can TOTALLY relate to how you are feeling. Alex has been going to a wonderful Magnet school with Nina, but it only goes up to the 8th grade. I promised Alex we would visit various different schools and now Alex decided on a NEW military school that is opening this summer. I am very hesitant about it, since it's reputation is for it to be a bootcamp school and many parents are trying to get their undisciplined children into it. HOWEVER, it's not a bootcamp. The school is putting strong emphasis on the fact that only Honor Roll children are allowed into the school and that its a very strong leadership school.
We have visited several times and I cannot deter Alex from the fact of not going. I know I was the one that put it in her head, but after listening to how hard the school is going to be, I wasn't sure if this was the right choice for her. But.. I let her decide on her own. And if it's really bad then I'll transfer her in a year to another school. I don't want to have to do that, but now I am not concerned with that. I just want to give Alex the chance to be grown up enough to make her choice. If this is it, then all I can do is support my little soldier.