Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Update
3
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 11:59am

What a difference a day can make. I had the most awesome conversation with my BIL this morning. My babysitter cancelled on me today because she was sick. I had to go to work, and I had no sitter. So, I called my sister and she said she would watch the twins. MyBIL works downtown also, so we drove in today. We started talking about me going out with my cousin, and I told him about my current situation with Mark. I've known my BIL for over 20 years, and sometimes he likes to yank my chain. He gave me his honest, sincere, no BS opinion from a man's perspective. He told me the first thing I should do wwhen I come to a decision that I have to make is look in the mirror and have a conversation with myself, because what I think and want is all that matters. We talked for about an hour, and he gave me some great advice. I'm just grateful that he wasn't judgmental. He really listened to what I had to say. He told me to go with my heart, follow my gut instinct, and don't second guess myself, or I'll drive myself nuts. I know that is the same advice that I got here on the board, it's just kind of funny to hear it coming from a man.

Well, I got what I wanted last night. Mark called me, and I was real surpised that he did. I thought he was just blowing smoke Monday. We talked for 4 hours. I said everything that I needed to say. I asked questions I needed answers to. I just wanted the chance to say my peace and tell him how I felt about everything. And I was right, talking on the phone is easier for me than in person. I'm just glad I had the opportunity to get it all off of my chest. He still wants to see me, and I told him that I would think about it and that it would have to wait until after the holidays anyway. So this gives me some time to see how he acts towards me in the meantime.

By the way, on my way home from work last night, I started reading the book, "He's just not that into you." I only got into about 20 pages, but so far, I think it's great. I'm very glad I decided to buy it. I think it will be a very big help for me right now.

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A BLESSED CHRISTMAS.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: momoftwins65
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 1:57pm

GOOD - that is good advice and progress!! Keep us posted.

I don't know what to say as far as "will it work, or will it not work" with regards to giving him a second chance. I have seen relationships go both ways.

I do remember a piece of advice from my secretary, "any relationship is a risk for getting your heart broken. But what you have to ask yourself at the end of the day is this question: "IS HE WORTH IT?""

Her husband was a total toad when they were first dating. He would date many other women and treat them badly. He would not treat her that great in the beginning - he would show up late or not call for a whole week. She even broke up with him. But he came back after a year and was "totally into her" so to speak. He was young in his life and the first time around he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Today he is a wonderful husband - ALWAYS puts her first, is always home, always wants to be with her, always calls, is a great provider for the kids/family, etc.

I think that book you are reading will give you new insight and you can go slow and see if he is that into you.

Good luck!! I have been thinking about you with this decision because I know it isn't easy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
In reply to: momoftwins65
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 5:46pm

West:

Thank you for your understanding. This was a difficult decision for me to make. Your support means a lot, even though we might have taken different paths. It was nice for me to have support from my family as well, because they haven't always seen things the way I do. I can't possibly know the outcome of this one. All I can say is that I was encouraged by what I was hearing last night, and if I wasn't, I wouldn't be taking this chance. I like the advice from your secretary. For what it's worth, I think he's worth it. He's always been special to me, even in light of what happened. Only time will tell.

I hope you enjoy your Christmas and your time alone.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: momoftwins65
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 10:12am

Good for you!

Another of my favorite maxims these days is "When in doubt, do without"...it keeps me from making some bad, hasty decisions....