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| Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:17pm |
So as you may have noticed from my stats I am not pregnant. I am trying to sort through my feelings about that - relieved and disappointed all at once. I have talked to SYB about it and he is mainly relieved I think although he does want kids. I also had a conversation with him very openly about how I feel he may not be as ready as I am and how I worry about how that might effect us when I want to start trying. My genuine wish is to be with someone who will be excted with me when we start trying to conceive so that there is anticipation and wonder in it somewhere. I got pregnant with DS by accident and the whole pregnancy was shrouded by my mother's illness and death when my son was 6 months. I dont even remember the appts I had while pregnant. I know I took care of myself but mainly out of auto pilot mode. I want to really bask in it next time and the more I think about it the more I want him on board with me so we can start trying in the summer or fall. He had originally been the one to mention starting in the summer and now he seems sheepish and scared sometimes and half smiley at other times. I think he will do it when it is time and especially since we both want bio kids and I am turning 35 on Sat but I want him to be excited you know? Maybe I am asking too much. Anyhow, at least we talked about it and I told him what I really need. He understood and I think he loves me more than he cares about his fears so maybe just telling him what I did will help us. I hope so.
Meanwhile, the ring arrives on Firday at 10:30 AM. How do I know that? Dont ask.
I have rehearsal tomorrow with a conductor on something horribly difficult so I am stressing a bit.
And I am trying to take off some weight and I am crabby because I am hungry.
SYB had McDonalds for dinner and I really lowered my eyebrows at him. I need some support. I had made a decision to cook more and eat fresh foods, no processed but I realize that was my decision not his. The smell of fries though - sweet jesus.
Sorry if this came off as a vent!
Meanwhile, the ring arrives on Firday at 10:30 AM. How do I know that? Dont ask.
I have rehearsal tomorrow with a conductor on something horribly difficult so I am stressing a bit.
And I am trying to take off some weight and I am crabby because I am hungry.
SYB had McDonalds for dinner and I really lowered my eyebrows at him. I need some support. I had made a decision to cook more and eat fresh foods, no processed but I realize that was my decision not his. The smell of fries though - sweet jesus.
Sorry if this came off as a vent!



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OMG I understand completely where you are coming from!!
I want to know how you know the ring is coming in on Friday at 10:30 a.m.
Yes, I figure he is a bit nervous with the unknown when it comes to babies. He doesnt have kids and although he is great with DS, babies would be different and he knows it. We talked about what we would do or how we would manage if he had to take a business trip or just how feasible it would be with our lives the way they are. I think we could do it and we talked about how but obviously it will help that my Dad is in town and so is his sister who he is friendly with. he did keep saying that he wasnt saying no or that it is too soon but just that it was scary and he kept asking me to understand that. So I bet you are right. It is just my paranoid voice and history with other people that leads me into the place in my head where he wont be ready and I will and we will be in conflict. I have had that before and it was so painful. I am definitely going to give it a rest though now. He needs time to process and so do I. I bet my birthday is contributing to this too. Damn birthdays!
I am sure you are right that there is just a lot going on and it is influencing me a bit. The rehearsal will be rough but I am going to be glad when it is over! I love the music but it is really hard and it is long so I am just fretting over the details I guess.
I have managed to just have a bit of caramel rice cakes for a snack here and the McDonalds is currently in his stomach so I cant get to it....lol Yay me. I try to not deprive myself. I am just looking to eat more fresh foods and definitely more veggies and fruits. I think that alone will make a huge difference in how I feel and look so I am starting there. I know a few people now who swear by WW so I might just check it out!
OMG- I cannot believe he left that open for you to see! That is SOOOO exciting!
I hear ya on the eating well- the less processed food I eat, the better, since I'm allergic to milk protein. Nicolas and I are following The Zone diet- it doesn't eliminate anything, which is good :) It's more about balance of carbs/ protein/ fat and portion size.
I'm allergic to milk protein.
It sucks, doesn't it? I am allergic to dairy (not lactose intolerant, actually DEATHLY allergic). And I don't eat meat, so I guess I am vegan, but I don't really classify myself as such since I will eat fish a couple of times a year or will eat something even if it was made with eggs.
Our choices are limited, that's for sure. I told G that when I am on my death bed and going shortly, give me
I'm so excited for you!!!! You had better spill the beans asap. :)
Also, on a side note, PLEASE dont ever print the word tiramisu anywhere near me right now - I AM DIETING, LOL. I groaned when I read your last post. I so want to make everyone some tiramisu now for my bday....YIKES!
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