UPDATE***
Find a Conversation
UPDATE***
| Tue, 07-08-2008 - 7:59pm |
So after getting the email from... what did I name him? I'll go with NC for Nice Cop. So a couple hours after I got the email, NC calls the house. He was nervous and I could tell, but he was also acting "professional". He says "Hi Jacey, this is Cst. H**** calling, I wanted to let you know I shot an email off to ya a little bit ago"

Pages
I like everything except the "separated" part. To me, that is not "here now ready now" and I just don't want to see you get dragged through more stuff than what you have been through. To me, it would not be fun to "casually date" someone who does not want a relationship - because relationships do two things - they either go forward or they break up - and who wants to get all hot and bothered with feelings and then break up - and to me - a separated guy whose kids are somewhere else is not ready to be more than "have fun" and I am not a "just have fun" type of girl - that is just me and my .02. You had fun with this - but I think you can do better. I know you don't want to get married tomorrow - but you don't want drama either.
I think I would wonder, too, as to why he left a wife and kids for a police job. I mean, that is not like CEO of something. And that would mean that if he left them like that, how would he mesh with you and yours - because how could that ever be more important than his own flesh and blood?
And how cute that he was nervous! LOL Have fun getting to know him.
CL of
~ Aussie & Kiwi Mums ~
Email me!
Tracy
I really WANT to be excited for you and it is really nice that you two talked and got along well. But there are a couple red flag which West mentioned and I am sure you already know. Separated but not divorced would be messy. And I would caution you about his casual attitude about relationships- I understand that is because he is fresh out of (and not really even totally out of legally) his marriage but still he's making it clear up front he is not looking for anything serious. And if you are anything like me you might think you can go in with casual feelings and not need long term commitment. But
Sometimes though yes, there's more to the story.
Most of the time I don't like going into the whole story about my ex because it feels like a very long story. It was not just one thing that caused us to divorce. To go into it all though, I hate the idea of sounding bitter or whining.. so its a story I try to avoid for a while. Similiar to my Dad.. its just not something I share any time soon.
I think its worth at least getting to know the guy a bit more. I'm pretty sure there's more to it. The red flag that I saw showing that there is much more to the story is that her reason for not coming with him was because she didn't want to leave her mother? Are you serious? I would LOVE to have my mother here with me helping me... but I don't know.. that just seems odd to me.
and by then, it was too late."
We had coffee again last night and I touched on this because like you, I was wondering. And he explained that (ok, he's been a member almost 3 yrs now) and when he got transferred, his wife refused to leave. They were living close to her mother and she didn't want to leave her (an attachment thing, not because her mom is sick or needy or anything like that) and he had no choice but to move as he was being transferred, its part of the job. So it boiled down to her not being able to handle the police-family life. I guess she moved in & our for the better part of the first year he was here, then moved back home (to her mom) for good and they officially separated. She has the kids. I know that really bugs him as his life isn't condusive to have the kids with him even 50/50. So for just over a year they've been seperated (since the last time she visited/they tried to work on things)
So we talked about it more last night and he said he definitely wants someone in his life but to be fair to them he can't commit to anything, also factoring in that he's most likely looking at being transferred again in a year from now. So... part of me was OK with that and just enjoy the now and the here. But of course, if I develop more feelings over time then I'm left dealing with loss/heart ache when he leaves. I think for now, I am OK with hanging out, I'm still getting to know him and we just sit & talk. He acts so respectful around me and there's just something there, worth getting to know. I might be in la la land right now, but I have to give kudos for being upfront and honest that he can't offer certain things at this point in his life. Its not like he's trying to lead me on. And with me waffling about Mr.Mechanic and Mr.Postman, I don't think I'm quite "there" commitment wise either perhaps. I think its worth exploring and just enjoying the conversation. He's quite witty and funny. He asked if he could take me out before the kids & I go on our yearly trek back home to visit my family.
I completely get what you're saying tho and appreciate your input. Oh, he also go kudos for saying "I don't want to be "one of those guys" who takes your time away from your kids. I won't let that happen (he said this when we were talking about his offer to come to the house with coffee as opposed to meeting some afternoon) and I assured him I wouldn't let that happen either. No body gets to meet my kids lol
I totally understand...in fact I am quite the kettle calling the pot black. There are things between BE and
I woke up to a couple cute emails from him this morning after coffee last night, I had emailed him on my way to bed saying thanks for the coffee and nice company. He replied:
_________________________________________
Great is how I would describe it. Thanks again. Hope you had enough rest for your big day with kids and running etc. As always, if time and your light is on....
D*****
_________________________________________
and an hour after the first one, he sent this:
_________________________________________
Just thinking about you tonight after running call to call the last couple hours. Is that wrong? Anyway, I do know I get better looking in the dark! That's why I like night shift. lol.
Maybe if not before you go on holidays than after in September when everything settles down into routine again, a coffee on the town would be fun.....Have a great day!
D****
_________________________________________
You watch ladies, it will be him that's gonna fall for me not vice versa LOL
Pages