UPDATE***

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
UPDATE***
19
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 7:59pm

So after getting the email from... what did I name him? I'll go with NC for Nice Cop. So a couple hours after I got the email, NC calls the house. He was nervous and I could tell, but he was also acting "professional". He says "Hi Jacey, this is Cst. H**** calling, I wanted to let you know I shot an email off to ya a little bit ago"

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Wed, 07-09-2008 - 1:45pm

a coffee on the town would be fun.....Have a great day!


I like that. That he wants to take you out
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Wed, 07-09-2008 - 1:45pm

It sounds like you have investigated well - and you are doing very well at articulating your side of things. I don't think I would want to be married to a cop after reading what you write - it sounds like the job brings difficult circumstances and then transfers - but maybe if I was younger and didn't have a house, business and kid from someone else I would think moving is fun?

It takes surprisingly little for a very small spark to start a wildfire - given the right circumstances - sharing intimate and personal details more and more, the excitement of contacting each other, being in a house, late at night - holding hands and then one kiss is the only spark you would need and then passion is very hard to stop.

Do you really want to be with a cop who gets transferred? I have been in the stance of see where it goes - and then you go somewhere you don't want to go and spend a lot of time and emotion for nothing and then you have a bigger decision to make - and it is never pleasant when you have to cut a cord after it has grown into you so to speak. BTDT... Just can't see how "wait and see" makes the decision any different I guess.

I don't know - that is just me. I am more like make a go or no go decision quickly. I guess I could see a "maybe a go" but this one sounds more like "no go"??? But that is me! LOL!!

I guess, too, after reading the story of the "mountie" that I pictured you with someone who had more to offer in the "being there" and "being reliable" department. And nothing wrong with that - I like those as well!! I think we all do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Wed, 07-09-2008 - 2:00pm

"Do you really want to be with a cop who gets transferred? I have been in the stance of see where it goes - and then you go somewhere you don't want to go and spend a lot of time and emotion for nothing and then you have a bigger decision to make - and it is never pleasant when you have to cut a cord after it has grown into you so to speak. BTDT... Just can't see how "wait and see" makes the decision any different I guess."


I get this. And hear myself making up the excuse of "but for now....." and yup, probably infatuation because things are so new. And like you say they're exciting right now. A year is a long time. We may find 4 weeks from now, the conversation isn't as stimulating and the company isn't as great as it was. I just can't project "a year from now he'll be gone" as that isn't a guarantee it is entirely possible and likey he's looking at transferring again. But right now the company is nice. As for stopping passion LOL Well I have to say, like someone else already mentioned, until I know if a divorce has been started, I wouldn't feel OK about it at ALL. And with him coming for coffee on shift, it makes it QUITE easy to hold back on passion if we get to that point, as the gear he wears, would be way too much work to take off for 15 min of fun. And the suggestion of going out sometime is appealing. I really do feel I'm OK with taking this for what it is. Right now. In the last couple years, and my relationship with Mr.RCMP really taught me a lot and the only thing I like to project into the future is the comforting fact that I know being with someone is going to be my choice. And you mentioned you're quite a bit more grounded at home than I. I don't have a business (well not one that I can't do anywhere else (dayhome & birth doula) and because my family isn't around here, I have no real roots keeping me here **IF** things changed and moving became an option for me. So I guess that does make a big difference. I just feel silly I guess, contemplating all these what ifs, considering the fact that a week ago, we were meeting fo rthe second time in our lives, and I hadn't even asked him out yet. So I feel like I shouldn't be concerned with all these what ifs AT THIS POINT. Except the divorce one. That's a biggy. I don't want to be a mistress to anyone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Wed, 07-09-2008 - 2:11pm

So I feel like I shouldn't be concerned with all these what ifs AT THIS POINT. Except the divorce one. That's a biggy. I don't want to be a mistress to anyone.


Very, VERY good point! This is only post one real conversation so the only one necessary thing to know right off the bat now is about the divorce. The rest you can sort out through some more talks or meetings/dates.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Wed, 07-09-2008 - 10:17pm

"Except the divorce one. That's a biggy. I don't want to be a mistress to anyone."

GOOD!! I feel better now. :-)

I just remember about the mounty - and how sad he made you because he was never there. And I don't want you to have to put up with that again. No sireeeee!!

And I love to ask tough questions!! It is my inquisitive/pragmatic nature!! LOL!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 12:37pm
LOL Well the happy update is yes, divorce proceedings are well under way.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 12:46pm

I'm really liking the communication as well as the approach you are taking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 1:58pm
Definitely. Enjoying the now, right now, not worrying about too far into tomorrow. I'm just so focused on the kids and that is something we both see COMPLETELY eye to eye that our kids are priority above everything else and neither of us will let something interfere with that. We both agree that its best, that the kids are not involved in any way. And to not project a "when the kids meet....." day at all because that just isn't a concern. **IF** we got to that point, we'll deal with it then. But it just doesn't feel right to think about all that right now when we're still in la la land and getting to know each other and just enjoying it for that alone. Without messying it up with red tape ;) I *am* having fun, and I'm not closing myself off from meeting anyone else at this point. That was a mistake I made with Mr.RCMP months back way too soon (at his encouraging) and it didn't feel right, I started to make stuff all about him because I felt closed off. Anyway, I have to pick my son up from camp day! I'll check back in later!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
In reply to: mommy_2_caleb29
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 3:05pm
wow - all sounds great and like others said, I like your approach and his honesty and communication.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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