Update on: Am I being completely shallow

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Update on: Am I being completely shallow
11
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 9:29pm
First of all, thank you so much for all your great advice and feedback. It's greatly appreciated. Yep, Carlos is definately the kind of guy I would prefer to date.
I probably made my BF sound like a complete loser when he really isn't. The thing that makes it hard is I know he WANTS to have a good career and make money but I think he has gotten frustrated because he doesn't have a lot of exprience in anything lucrative and this job with his family member seemed like a good sales job where he could make good, easy money. No such thing in my opinion. I think his thinking is very relaxed about it all because he only has to worry about his own bills right now and doesn't have to make much to live. It's this type of thinking that bothers me and the fact that he told me he would get his own place soon and wont' be able to if things stay how they are. I don't think it's a matter of changing, I know he's capable of changing...he has proved that in even the smallest ways by changing his lifestyle.
So I called him after reading some of your comments and laid it ALL out and I mean ALL. I didn't hold back and even got a little angry. I told him that I wasn't sure it was going to work out because the way it's going so far it will be years before we'll ever even be able to have a future together because he is perfectly okay with his financial situation. He disagreed and said he's been trying to find a job. I told him not to B.S. me, because this was a big city and it's not that hard to find a job that pays more than he's making in unemployment. He tried to argue that he would just take a simple job to get by JUST until this other job took off. I said, " But it's not, it's not taking off right now and I simply can't understand why you don't just try and find something BETTER than what you're making now." I told him I wanted certain things for my future and I wasn't going to settle for less. He said he knew and he wants to be able to take care of me and support me. I told him that his lack of motivation for not finding a better job sooner has even affected our dating life. I said I was tired of feeling like I had to pay for half of everything and that there are plenty of times I've spent more than he has on a given weekend. He says, "You don't like to pay half?" "Of course not!" I said. "I'm not used to it and I'm not about to get used to it. " He got very quite and said I was right, he had not done enough but he wasn't going to lose me over this and he never wanted me to think less of him. I told him to do it for himself and our future, not just for me.
I just can't imagine leaving him over this without giving him the chance to prove himself and he's not just a nice guy, he's very giving of himself. He may be young but this is a 26 year old that has come to my house while I'm at work and and cleaned it and done my laundry because he knows how stressful my days are and he wants to make my life easier. He has offered to watch my son if I want to have a girl's night out and not have to worry about paying a sitter. He has offered to drive me over the mountais (when it's my turn to take my son to see his dad) in a snowstorm so I don't have to drive. He has lost sleep over the small amount of debt he has so I know he isn't someone who is just okay with bills piling up and is very careful of what he spends when he has little to spend. I guess I'll just wait and see. It's all I can do right now. It would be difficult to break it off if he really tries to find a good job and still doesn't make "enough" you know? It's a tough situation.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 12:17pm

Thank you Shrimpy! You clearly understand exactly what I was saying and feeling.

Tchin21,
I'm not sure where you are coming up with anything because your post makes no sense whatsoever. Who said anything about cheating or that I wanted someone who was rich??? I won't waste my time even responding to your ridiculous post when I never said or indictated any such thing.

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