update and a few questions???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
update and a few questions???
3
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 7:13pm

Hello all!

I haven't posted on here in quite some time but have been following everyone's posts. First off thanks to all of you who post, it just keeps things in perspective and reminds me that ....hey I'm not alone in dealing with all the frustrations of dating as a single mom. So here's a bit THANK YOU!!!!!!

For an update; I was seeing a guy whom I had been friends with and decided maybe I should move to the next level and date him (like he kept asking me too). As of a couple weeks ago I realized I just didn't feel alot of chemistry with him that way and it would be best to break things off sooner rather than later. He's ready for marriage, big family, etc. and I'm just not or at least not with him. So after numerous conversations I give him the news and what does he say? "Well I think there's something I need to tell you." Never a good sentence. Just before Christmas he went to see his ex girlfriend and pick up some things from her house. Well apparently he left a little something behind because now she's pregnant!! Here he was the first one I decided to try an actual relationship with after divorcing my ex (also a cheater) and he cheats too!!!!! I am so thankful that I didn't have major feelings for him. Now his ex says the baby might not be his so he actually called to see if I would take him back!! I started laughing, couldn't believe what he was asking.

So now I'm back out there searching for Mr. Right and have checked out a number of the online sites. Went to craigslist and admist all the married men looking for a girlfriend on the side I did meet a single guy, I'll call him "C". We have been talking via email and I hope to actually meet him in person soon. Also met a guy on myspace. I had a profile up on myspace before just for fun and staying in touch with friends but never responded to anyone looking to date. Have talked to "D" on the phone now a few times and are trying to coordinate schedules (he is also a single parent). Who knows if things will work out with either guy but I'm trying to be optimistic. There is another guy "J" who I met out one night and we went out a few times but at this point I think he's just looking for a friends w/ benefits situation.

I have a few questions for all of you accomplished daters. Consider me naive as this is my first time back out in the dating world in 12 years to top it off I met my ex-husband when I was 19 so all of the dating experience was far from mature.

#1 Have you had better luck with online dating or meeting someone in everyday situations or a night out with friends (I don't get too many nights out)?

#2 Which online sites are best? There's so many out there!!

#3 If you do meet someone online is there a protocol? Do you just email a couple times and meet or do you talk on the phone first?

Thanks in advance for any guidance. I'm still a bit of a newbie at dating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 9:10pm

Hey there, we love a returning face. I'm sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

As far as your questions-

1) I personally have had better luck with online dating, since I'm incredibly busy, work an insane amount of hours, and have two kids. I also live in the world's tiniest town, so meeting eligible men without the wonders of the internet simply didn't happen for me. That's not to say it wouldn't for you, there are others who've met men through common interests, children's activites, and even simply at a bar.

2) I have used Yahoo personals, Match.com, Cupid, eHarmony, and PerfectMatch, as well as SingleParentsMeet. I only had success with Match, but again, everyone is different. I think the sites that are the most well known are the ones you will probably have the most luck with, simply because it's a law of averages. Obviously the more men signed up, the more you potentially will be a match with.

3) Absolutely do not meet anyone until after you've talked on the phone!! I usually start with emails, then it progresses to IM, then phone if we're still feeling like we might be compatible. Only after talking to someone for a while do I agree to meet. Always keep is short, casual, public, and expect only to have fun. Out of all the emails I've exchanged, I only met about 5 guys, and I always knew more about them going into the first date than I would have had I met them at the grocery store or a bar.

Whatever you do, keep an open mind, and have fun!

Moody, who may have met her match


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:21am

Welcome! Glad you came to post - hope to see you more!

#1 Have you had better luck with online dating or meeting someone in everyday situations or a night out with friends (I don't get too many nights out)?
I have tried both and am now keeping myself busy and out there so I meet someone in real life. OLD just doesn't work for me. I am over 40 and in my opinion, at least of the guys here, most are players or just into sex. I want someone with my interests. And quite frankly now my interests are more interesting to me than dating. And they never disappoint me ;-)

#2 Which online sites are best? There's so many out there!!
I would vote for match.com because there are so many people on there - it is a numbers game.

#3 If you do meet someone online is there a protocol? Do you just email a couple times and meet or do you talk on the phone first?
I would email for a bit to try to gather information and interest/compatibility. Then go to the phone. Then a date. It is a delicate balancing act because at the end of my long online dating escapade, I didn't want to waste my time with bummer blind dates. But I didn't want to end up with this huge intimate email relationship either - you have to meet in person and take it from there. Usually I would look for big red flags in the beginning via email and phone. Multiple divorces, poison exw, travels all the time - those are bad; how he reacts to things I say - is it all about him or does he have an interest in me and want to please me - that is good. Usually if you let them talk on the phone they will tell you a lot. How was their childhood/parents - that is a huge one.

Hope this helps. Some here do have luck online. I just think I don't and it is not for me. But it was a GREAT experience and taught me a lot, as this board has done also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 3:26pm

Agree with West and Moody. Just depends on where you live and the kinds of things you like to do.
I had good success with Match.com, but I met my BF in real life through our kids activities. Check out how many guys are on a site that interest you, the more choices, the higher the chance you'll find someone you hit it off with.

I did the week or so of e-mail, then gave out my cell number, by then the guy had usually asked if I'd mind a phone conversation. After that it was usually meet at a coffee place. After any bad dates, I'd refine my profile to not attract guys with whom it would never work, ie didn't want to be involved with someone who has a child as young as my daughter. Funny, as soon as I put in my profile that I had a toddler age child, I got an e-mail from a guy who also was my age with a toddler. He became my first post divorce relationship, lasted 3 months.

Good luck.