Update on CNDG
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-10-2008 - 12:46pm |
OK shrimpychimps asked for an update so here is one...
Cute Gal had her semi-regular weekend away with her "Ya Yas" close circle of girlfriends and shared about "us" with them. She told them about the time we were together and how she was doing a visualization with me. CNDG is not a word person but more of a visual/picture person. So she was sharing how she saw that her heart was this big stone on a rope and was dragging her down while she was trying to swim in this pool.
Background: CNDG's focus on her personal growth is to get more in touch with her feelings and be able to express them for she feels that her feelings are surrounded by cotton. CNDG has fear around actually feeling her feelings. This was my original concern when I first met her, that she was more into her head than her emotions/heart. It turns out she is a deeply feeling person who does retreat into her head much like me.
So I was holding her while we were laying on my couch and was telling her that she is strong and can carry her heart up to the surface and it would not drown her. I told her that she can pull the big, heavy stone heart up and put it inside of her where it belongs where it will transform into this big soft, open heart. She was worried where all the rope would go and I told her that I'm right there with her and take up the slack.
So her Ya Yas all thought that was great. So I feel more at ease that Cute Gal thinks there is an "us" now. Before she has been cautious about being in relationship because of her newly divorced status and not wanting to give up her independence and getting into another commitment. I have told her that I don't expect any commitments or have expectations.
So for V-day, I got a Vietnamese rice basket for it looked better than any other type of container to put cotton balls in. It is unusual, decorative, and Asian .. all elements that I thought would make up a nice gift. I got a bag of cotton balls and put it in the basket with a stone (the stone is associated with the heart chakra) heart pendant with a heavy string tied to it (representing the visualization we did together). The pendant is buried in the cotton balls.
Last week I took her to see Rodrigo y Gabriella, a Mexican guitar duo. It was funny for before I met CNDG I sorta wanted to go see them but did not want to see/hear them at that particular venue and had nobody to go with. Then CNDG mentioned how she liked them so BINGO, I went out and got tickets and we had great seats (the main reason why I was reluctant in going was the lack of great seats). It was a blast.
The thing with CNDG is her time available for just us. She has her two DD (12, 13) every other weekend and does not want to take any time away from them even to talk on the phone with me. She does not have them on Wed, Thu nights but that does not allow any overnights so we have spend one overnight since we started dating beginning of December. Plus this month she has DDs three weekends in a row.
What I love about our relationships is that we are both learning about ourselves and growing so much because of each other. I am learning patience and letting the relationship grow slowly. Our relationship is so rich and deep as it is but there is that element of ordinariness of the day-to-day activity that is missing. The book "If the Buddha Date" exemplifies our relationship.
I am readjusting my life now for my DD14 is distancing herself more and more because of her wanting to be with her BFFL (best friends for life) so I am back to my pre-CNDG life where I am spending my time working out. I am not so motivated in putting myself "out there" to socialize because I have CNDG in my life and I'm an introvert.
So life is good, I find it challenging that we don't see or even talk to each other as much as I would like. I am use to daily check ins with my previous partners.
Mark

Pages
Thanks shrimpychimps for that reassurance. Yes I'm not too excited about seeing her today after talking with her on Tuesday night. I'm going to make shrimp scampi, this broccoli salad that she likes, and wild basmati rice. The dessert will be chocolate truffles with chocolate Haggen Daze Sorbet (low fat) with Grand Marnier.
She talks about needing a brick wall to fall on her in order to "get it" so in addition to the Vietnamese rice basket I got a brick from Home Depot and wrote two Georgia O'Keeffe (her favorite artist) quotes with a sharpie on it: "Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time." - More a quote for me than for her - and "I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do."
Thanks again for your posting helps.
Mark
May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
I feel so bad that you feel sad. I can really emotionally feel how heavy your heart is. I think it can be so hard when you really really want something to be different but you have no control of the situation. You just have to hope it happens and have patience. Patience for me is truly one of the hardest. But I feel that the hardest thing that I had to learn and accept, is that
Oh yum, Mark- I would love to have that dinner!!!!
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Mark,
I have to agree with what Shrimpy and Cat said.
Mark-
First of all...happy Valentine's day
First of all I want to thank all of you who have given me encouragement and comfort here.
Very well said Mark!
I've been down a long journey (two years now) with a man I fell deeply in love with after my divorce. I'm still questioning where we are...although he doesn't. All I can say is that being on the same page with someone is key. If you need regular checkins...that's not going to change. Not saying the change is all on her...but it lies within both of you.
MY observation of the day is that people need to be by themselves for some time post any divorce. When they are not...the hurt not only themselves but others in the process.
Here's a big to you on this Valentines Day. Wish you could send some scampi my way!
~M.
Pages