Update on Cute Widow and me

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Update on Cute Widow and me
70
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 1:55pm

Periodic Update on me when prompted (usually by Pacsun)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 2:23pm

Hmmmmmmmmmmm are omissions lies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 2:26pm

Mark,


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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 2:36pm

I am not justifying the omission.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 2:43pm

First of all, Mark, good to see an update. You are good at letting us know what is up and giving us a male perspective. You get lots of female perspective here, I'm sure.

As for the disagreement on Christmas, you do realize that you date women don't you? Women are much more emotional than men are as a general rule. Take that and add to it the age where we start having excessive hormone troubles and we will likely blow our top from time to time. I have to say that she was upset and most likely had little control over her reaction. It was a holiday, you had plans (btw I think you also hate waiting so you should understand this) you should have called early in the day to confirm and work out the details with her and wish her a Merry Christmas. You have said that you don't think that there should be blame put on the other but with what you said you want her to tell you she is to blame for part of the misunderstanding. She told you what happened, I think that was all that was necessary as she wasn't acting like she had no idea why it happened.

Thing is I don't think that if you spend time with someone you have to tell them every little thing you expect all the time. I would think since you all have been together for several months you would know what works for you all as far as timing and planning. YOu say it is a communication issue but I think it is a lack of understanding of each others' wants and needs. I think that by now you would have a better understanding of how things should work in general between the two of you. I would hate to have to tell my BF specifically that we have plans on Christmas later in the day I want you to call early so I know you're thinking of me and we can set our plans. It would drive me nuts. Of course, she should also recognize that you don't normally do things that way and either accept it or figure you all just have many differences. It seems that you all are not very caring of each other in this way. The last minute calling to confirm things would be a problem for me as well. I have discussed this issue with my BF and he still does it, honestly most of the time it isn't a big deal for me but since it isn't in my nature to feel last minute, on bad days it causes a problem. Therefore it seems that most of the time I am being understanding of his last minute stuff, on the hormonal days or whatever he probably needs to just accept that he is doing things a way that I don't like and on the days that aren't good for me he has to accept that I'm going to be more upset about it. It feels like I'm an afterthought sometimes when this happens.

As for CNDG, I think that is totally wrong and honestly somewhat out of character for you. If you are in a committed relationship with someone and lying about spending time with another woman it is cheating and wrong. I hope you realize that. It seems you would prefer a relationship with CNDG but since that isn't available you are having one with CW until this might change. It think it is a bad idea to do something that you know is hurtful to someone you care about a lie about it (make no mistake, omitting something you know is wrong is lying).

I hope you take this in the spirit it was meant. I'm not bashing you. I think you're great and love having you on the board. I also remember getting a very sweet e-mail from you when my mom passed so I know you are a kind and caring man. It just feels like you are trying to turn a relationship that doesn't quite work for you into one that does. You two seem just too different. I know you like her (I don't think you have ever said love) but I think you feel you need to settle. I don't think that is true.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 2:45pm

Hey Mark


I missed the whole Christmas episode with CW, but it does sound like she was majorly stressed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 2:51pm

It seems you would prefer a relationship with CNDG but since that isn't available you are having one with CW until this might change


I was thinking the same thing :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 3:11pm

Thanks for the update, Mark.


What I love and appreciate about this board so much is the ability to be honest about our feelings, happiness, questions, confusions, insecurities and learning experiences. I'm glad you posted about how you are doing both with CW and your friendship with CNDG.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 4:46pm

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 4:58pm

-----OPINION ONLY HERE. NOT MEANT TO SOUND NEGATIVE OR HURT FEELINGS-------

The bottom line is that if either me or the other woman intends to be intimate then that’s another story but otherwise it’s friendship plain and simple. -- Interesting answer. I don't think that would make me feel very secure.

However, I have voiced my opinion in the past about these two women. One you refuse to let go and move on from and the other your just settling with.

You are a wise man, but sometimes even wise people can make poor choices. Especially when it comes to giving advice. One can give awesome advice, but heeding it in it's own life is always a little tricky. :)

Big hugs on the job front! I totally understand what you mean! It's overall stressful right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 5:12pm

Thanks again for your interest (I think).


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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