Update - hanging in there
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| Wed, 03-09-2005 - 1:30pm |
Well, I had my cryosurgery last Thursday. I will spare you all the details, but it was not pleasant. I felt pretty horrible that day and the next, so I stayed home from work. Unfortunately, I have developed an infection which is driving me crazy. I've got medicine, but it's not working much. So, basically, I am at work, in pain every day. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of the pain so I took a Darvocet and a glass of wine to get me to fall asleep (I never have trouble falling asleep). The doctor said the recovery time is 2 weeks. I have 18 days until my vacation, and I hope to God I feel better by then, otherwise I will be miserable. I'm mad at myself because if I had known I was going to feel this bad, I would have postponed the surgery until after my vacation. I had this vacation planned for over a year, and I don't want it to be ruined. I'm uncomfortable and cranky, so much so that Mark wants to see me this weekend, and I don't even want him to come over (totally not like me). I don't want to be around anyone. I wouldn't even be at work if I didn't have to be here. Plus, I'm starting to get nervous because I'm running out of time here at work. Only 18 days until my vacation, and even if I work every weekend until I leave, I still probably won't get everything done. Panic attack time.
Sorry to be such a donwer. I just had to let this out. Mark has tried to be so supportive, but he just can't understand the kind of pain I'm in because he's a man. I know he wants to see me to cheer me up, but I'm so miserable right now, I don't see it even working. Besides, I really should work a couple hours on Saturday afternoon (yuck). I swear I'll have a nervous breakdown before I ever get on my vacation.
Donna

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It will get better, Donna. Keep going to the doctor until you get the medicine right to fight the infection. When your body starts to heal it will be fast and you will be good as new - just try to get some sleep.
Sorry to hear you are in such misery. Hugs to you!!
West:
Thanks for the positive thoughts. I talked to my doctor last night because I'm just a big baby. On the day of the surgery, he gave me two prescriptions; one I'm using now, but the other I can't use for another week until I heal more inside. It's stronger, and it will probably work better, but I have to wait. Doc said I'm doing everything right, it's just the nature of the infection and the surgery, and it's just going to take time. I just have to stop being such a baby. It's just hard when I feel like my insides are on fire all the time.
Donna
OH Donna. I am so sorry. But try to have faith and not "borrow trouble" as you are still in the normal recovery window time frame. I am sure your vacation will be fine and after this difficult surgery, you'll NEED it.
TRY to let Mark comfort you. It's hard for him to see you in so much pain too, I am sure. Let him come and bring you gifts and hug you and love on you. Just tell him you're crabby in advance, so he can know. THis is the tough stuff where we find out what our significant other's are made of. Can they REALLY take it when we're the least possible good company?
Hug hug hug!!!
Oh, Donna! I'm so sorry!!!!! I'm sorry that you are hurting so terribly and that you have an infection, just to add further insult to injury! What a mess! I didn't experience that with any of my cryos - I had some cramping - but that was about it. Hugs, hugs, hugs! I feel like we didn't prepare you well!
Don't worry about work! The thing about it - it will all be there for you when you get back! LOL! Not much consolation, huh?!?!
Don't push Mark away. Are you REALLY pushing him away because he can't understand your pain - or are you pushing him away because you don't want to be vulnerable to him?
I hope you feel better!!! HUGS!
And hey - did your doctor tell you to snuggle up with a heating pad? ALWAYS helps me. The heating pad was my best friend after I had the majority of my cervix removed. :)
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
This too shall pass...
BIG HUGS!
Mindy:
Had I not developed the infection, I know I would be ok right now. The cramps were over with my Saturday. Just dumb luck, I guess.
I like your question. I'm pushing Mark away because: 1) I'm a big crab because I don't feel good; and 2) I don't want him to see me in a vulnerable state (Man, you're smart); I like to put my best foot forward, but I guess that's not realistic. I know you and Becky are right; I should let him shower me with attention if that's what he wants. I've been alone so long that I'm not used to being "taken care of". Maybe it will be nice. Plus, I've got this guilt thing about work right now. But, like you said, it will always be here. I have plans for Saturday night, and I'd only be able to work for a few hours any way. It would probably be better to skip it this weekend and do a full day next weekend, when I don't have any plans.
Donna
I wish I could hug you! You need one!
You NEED the attention, you need the help. Quit being the strong, independent woman and let someone who loves you love you. And take that from a strong, independent woman who was doing a fantastic job of pushing those that love her the most away as hard as she could - to the point that I made them feel terrible.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
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