Update (since Judy asked :) )

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Update (since Judy asked :) )
18
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 3:00pm

Things are still going great with P.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 5:02pm

Jennie,

That is a great update! It all sounds so wonderful and so good for you. I am so so happy for you and this also gives hope for me, too.

It is funny that you should mention your exh and the custody thing. I had to talk to my lawyer this week because my exh is changing jobs and mentioned doing things 50/50 and taking away child support.

I don't think you should allow this matter to muddle your joy or your plans with P. When the time is right you will be able to rework something that is in the best interest for your DD. If you are moving to get married and offer her a better life and bigger house, that is going to be in your favor.

If I was you, I would either contact my attorney or find a very good one to start talking to about this matter - just to get to know all angles and get good advice.

It is not like you are moving out the the state or even too far to drive in the same day. I think it will all work out. Your exh and his gf might not want her 50/50 - they might be happy with giving you that and the whole school thing - especially with all of the homework coming up and they might just want her weekends and that could be okay, too.

I do agree with you that you should not move the older kids.

It is great that you are moving ahead. Very great!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 11:20pm

Jennie,


I'm so excited for you!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 7:40am

Thanks guys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 1:41pm

The only thing I would say is to make sure that your opinion that you feel you have choices you don't like is not swept under the mat. I know you worked hard for your new house and the location and it is hard to give this up so soon. Of course that is also Murphy's law - buy a house and then meet the man of your dreams!! I have had the same thoughts that it would be my luck to be in that boat after just remodeling the kitchen and adding a pool.

But my reason for writing this is two fold - one because you cannot control what your exh does - make sure you are not doing something to make yourself miserable just to placate him.

And two because what if you do all of this too fast and then have troubles fitting in at P's house with all of the kids - would you have the expectation that since you had to give up a new house and move to an apt and then hurry with the wedding that he and his kids would also have to be more accomodating there? Not that they wouldn't or that I suspect trouble - but just because it never seems to be a good thing when you feel like you are making decisions you don't like.

I think P and everything you write sound absolutely wonderful so far. I just want to see you take your time and enjoy these days and all of these steps. You are a very nice and accomodating person -

What does your therapist say about all of this?

I do like the lawyer's idea of sending your exh the letter.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 3:20pm

I agree with Judy.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 4:43pm

Yes - these are all things P and I are talking about.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 5:31pm

I think it all sounds good - it just seems that it needs time to take its time and not to be rushed, particularly since you have so many kids to consider. I am impressed that you two have considered so much - this sounds very good and rock solid to me.

I think you are doing great and you two will come up with some great solutions given what you have talked about so far.

It will be fun to hear what your dd says about three boys!!

Maybe your therapist can stay "on call" to help with parenting and family blending issues as needed - I know I would want advice on all of that.

I would be willing to give up my house - but I would not want to feel rushed - and I would want to feel that the other party had just as much of a "vested" interest in making it work. I think you will get a feel for this when you watch them all together - does he consider your dd as much as his own? Does it feel easy?

We do enjoy your story because we may all face this. It is nice of you to share and I wish you all of the best, of course. I don't think this situation could ever be easy for anyone but you two are certainly going to have the best chance as any!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 6:02pm

Oh yes, my therapist will happily stay 'on call.'

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 7:16pm

Jennie,


I'm glad you two have really put a lot of thought into this and are really focused on the children.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 8:49am

That is so cute - you sound so petite!!

I think your DD will do fine - she has been in good schools and has had to be adaptable to the 50/50 arrangement. It will be fun to see how the kids see things - they always surprise us with their opinions and observations - that is so entertaining and I think they will bring you some good laughs.

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