Update on lots of stuff . . .
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| Fri, 10-22-2004 - 5:12pm |
TT had lunch with my ex on Tuesday . . . to discuss the motorcross stuff. TT talked to him man to man about our concerns, and told ex that he chose to do it away from me and man to man so ex wouldn't be defensive, feel like I'm trying to control him or his life, get over emotional, etc. TT said the lunch went VERY well, and he gave ex alot to think about, but that ex didn't say "ok, he'll never ride again" at the end of the lunch. Ex called this morning and we were talking about ds' night last night (he had him last night as TT and I had a date) and then suddenly he said "I'm selling all of the motorcross stuff. Ds is going back into tennis (he used to play before and LOVED it), I signed him up for private lessons on Saturday mornings, and I bought a tennis machine. I want you to know that I really appreciate TT and how much he loves our ds. I'm really glad he scheduled that lunch with me. He brought up things that I had never ever thought about - and I know you tried to bring them up - but I wouldn't hear it from you. I would NEVER want to do anything that would cause harm to ds. Ever. We're gonna do tennis. He's PUMPED about it. Are you cool with that? Not many kids get killed or paralyzed playing tennis right?" I was so relieved I cried. Called TT and thanked him profusely. He's so danged good.
Alex is well - but going to a developmental pediatrician next Thursday and starting a series of testing. We believe, due to reading several articles, observing very bizarre behavior in Alex, Alex not being anywhere near the same developmental milestones that other kids his age are (he's drastically behind in certain areas), and Alex is becoming increasingly DEPENDENT vs. independent, that there is something wrong. After talking with a good friend who is a developmental pediatrician, Alex's own pediatrician, and an expert from Early Intervention here in Nevada, we believe Alex has a pdd - pervasive developmental disorder, specifically sensory perception and motor skills disorder. Autism is a pdd - and Alex has many of the same characteristics (but thankfully, not all, he IS affectionate and social and a generally HAPPY baby) as children with autism. We start the testing procedure next week, and have been told we will probably not have a CERTAIN diagnosis until the first of the year, but to take heart that we've caught it so early and will start occupational therapy, including sensory training and speech therapy, within the next month. Most children with mild forms of pdd are labeled "spoiled", "clingy" and poorly behaved - and it's not caught until school that something is really WRONG. We feel fortunate to have a head start on this.
I have been struggling with depression and feeling irrational and not able, at all, to compose myself nor control my emotions, lately. I had what can only be described as a breakdown while at my mom's house a few weeks ago. On the advice of my mom, and with TT's support and encouragement, I sought a doctor's advice. I went yesterday, and my doctor was very understanding, patient and encouraging. She has prescribed Zoloft, told me it will take 3 or 4 weeks to kick in, and we'll go from there. She's also prescribed yoga. :) If I don't feel "better" in two months, she will prescribe psychiatric help, specifically cognitive therapy. I'm hopeful. Relieved.
I want to tell you ladies here on the board, that there are 4 women who post (one only lurks and rarely posts) who have been so helpful to me, so loving to me, so kind to me. Becky. Andrea. Candi. Sheri (Northwestwanderer) Becky, Andrea and Candi have been so constant with their love and support and shoulders and suggestions and laughs. Sheri with advice on how to deal with my ex (and she never once suggested beating him - which was my thought!) on the motorcross issue - and is just such a friend to me.
I think sometimes that people think message boards and cyber friends are silly. I couldn't disagree on anything more. The bonds I feel with my cyber buddies are just as strong as those I feel with my "real life" friends - sometimes stronger. I have been able to open up to my cyber buddies about things I would have never felt SAFE talking to ANYONE else about. This is a wonderful board - and it's because of this board that I have made some AMAZING forever friends.
Hugs to you all.

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Min, I agree with you 100%, TT is a wonderful man.....can you clone him???
YAY!!!! TT is sooo incredible. Tennis! Great plan. And Min, I know you divorced
I second everything you said about the friendships that can take root through some of these boards! Thank you to all the ladies here.
And that's wonderful about the motorcross. What a relief!!! And way to go TT! Gotta run.
If I could clone TT - I'd be a zillionaire. :) I swear I would. YAY! on tennis!!!!!
I'm better today on the Alex thing. Tuesday, I was a complete mess. I went into one of the attorney's offices who is out of town and just sobbed uncontrollably. It was a TOUGH day.
The doctor did tell me that part of what I am going through is normal, given all of the stress I'm under (this is just the tip of the iceberg! There's more! WHOO HOO!), but when I am having fits (don't know how else to explain it) and I KNOW I am being irrational and I WANT to stop but I CAN NOT - there is something else to it. *I* am hopeful with yoga (which I've done before - shame on me for stopping - we talked about the importance of respit care) and medication I can get back on an even keel and then slowly go off the meds . . . we shall see. Today - I'm just excited about feeling better and IN CONTROL of my emotions.
Hugs to you, Mag! Have a great weekend with Chris and Andi!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
My ex has grown up SO MUCH since we divorced. I am so proud of the man he is, he is a wonderful friend, a wonderful dad and I'm very thankful that if I have to be stuck to someone due to a child - it's him. He has turned into a dear friend to me, and to TT, and Alex sure does think he walks on water! LOL
I thank YOU for throwing me a life preserver on many occassions, my friend! I love ya, girl!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Min,
I'm so thrilled for you about JoJo. When I was reading your post, tears started to spring in my eyes, it was so emotional! You're right, your husband is amazing!
I wish you all the best with Alex. I think you are doing the best thing for him and that good things will come of this.
As for your “fits”, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Infact, I could have written your post a year and a half ago. I was going through tremendous stress then, and it was all so overwhelming. I had it really bad. I would forget to put the milk away and the next day I would be in tears about it. Something would strike a chord and I would sob uncontrollably. I remember crying in front of David and not being able to stop, and not even really being able to explain to him why I was crying. Like you, I sought my doctor’s advice. His opinion was that I was overwhelmed with stress and that chemically, my brain needed some assistance in releasing the chemicals I needed to deal with it rationally. He gave me a prescription for Paxil, told me to re-start the exercise routine that I had abandoned, and that if I didn’t feel better in about 2-3 months we would discuss therapy. It took me about 4 months to get back on track…and I was off the meds by month 6. I haven’t taken Paxil for over a year now and I’m much better than I was.
I hope the same for you. You are an incredibly strong woman and you have an incredible support system. My very best wishes to you and yours.
My favorite quote: "Women are like tea bags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I LOVE the quote! Thanks so much for that.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It really helps me to know I'm NOT crazy and that other people have been through the same thing!!! Thank you so much for sharing!!!!
I'm so relieved about the motorcross - soooooooo relieved. I cried and cried.
Alex will be fine. I'm just so thankful that he's affectionate and social and HAPPY and that we are catching this now.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
You know everything you said comes right back to you. I've told you things I'd never DARE tell some of my "real" friends. You've always been so open and nonjudgemental. You're great to bounce things off of and vent and whine to, and you are ALWAYS welcome to that from me.
I'm glad things are working towards "better"...it must have been really hard having so much at once. And TT is wonderful, great the way he talked to the ex. And your ex heard. Amazing.
If you don't feel better with zoloft, tell the doc. Not everyone is good with every med. Zoloft is usually the first line of defense, but it didn't go well with me. I felt like I had my head in an electrical socket 24/7. Wired. Wellbutrin was better for me. And after I calmed down, cognitive therapy was the BEST! Very practical.
Take care of you, and drop e-stuff on me anytime, girlfriend.
again, love ya
Candi
I am glad that your ex and TT could have that discussion and that your ex was so receptive. That's really impressive both that TT could do that and that your ex listened. I know that this is a big relief to you.
I'm sorry about Alex and the worries you're having. I hope everything will be okay with him. Let us know what happens, please.
As far as your depression and Zoloft, I too had a long time where I was in a deep, dark depression and I was on many different anti-depressents. Zoloft being one. I strongly urge you to be very cognizant of the changes with the drugs because sometimes they can be so minute, you aren't really sure they are having any affect at all. Personally, I know once I had made improvements in my life and had some really effective therapy, the drugs weren't really necessary anymore. I hope that will be the case for you too.
Hugs
Tara
I've been busy at work and kind of caught up in my own stuff, that I just read your update today. I'm glad everything worked out with the motorcross issue. You are very lucky to have TT, and someday I hope I can find someone jsut like him. Best of luck to you with Alex. Early intervention is very important, and I'm sure he will be just fine. Sounds like you are on the right track in taking care of yourself as well. All I can say is that I don't believe taking medication is a sign of weakness. I've been on Paxil for a while, and I look at how I used to be and how I am now, and I know that it has helped me tremendously -- night and day difference.
I totaly agree with you about cyber friends. I haven't been on this board for very long, but I have also built some very good friendships and have always gotten great advice and support. I just want to thank you for all your kindness to me in the past few weeks. Your advice on dating an older man and all of your support has been tremendously helpful and your stories about your relationship with TT are very inspirational. None of my friends even know I'm dating an older man, so I definitely share things here on the board that I would never share with my friends. Thanks again, and best of luck to you always.
Donna
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