Update on lots of stuff . . .
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 10-22-2004 - 5:12pm |
TT had lunch with my ex on Tuesday . . . to discuss the motorcross stuff. TT talked to him man to man about our concerns, and told ex that he chose to do it away from me and man to man so ex wouldn't be defensive, feel like I'm trying to control him or his life, get over emotional, etc. TT said the lunch went VERY well, and he gave ex alot to think about, but that ex didn't say "ok, he'll never ride again" at the end of the lunch. Ex called this morning and we were talking about ds' night last night (he had him last night as TT and I had a date) and then suddenly he said "I'm selling all of the motorcross stuff. Ds is going back into tennis (he used to play before and LOVED it), I signed him up for private lessons on Saturday mornings, and I bought a tennis machine. I want you to know that I really appreciate TT and how much he loves our ds. I'm really glad he scheduled that lunch with me. He brought up things that I had never ever thought about - and I know you tried to bring them up - but I wouldn't hear it from you. I would NEVER want to do anything that would cause harm to ds. Ever. We're gonna do tennis. He's PUMPED about it. Are you cool with that? Not many kids get killed or paralyzed playing tennis right?" I was so relieved I cried. Called TT and thanked him profusely. He's so danged good.
Alex is well - but going to a developmental pediatrician next Thursday and starting a series of testing. We believe, due to reading several articles, observing very bizarre behavior in Alex, Alex not being anywhere near the same developmental milestones that other kids his age are (he's drastically behind in certain areas), and Alex is becoming increasingly DEPENDENT vs. independent, that there is something wrong. After talking with a good friend who is a developmental pediatrician, Alex's own pediatrician, and an expert from Early Intervention here in Nevada, we believe Alex has a pdd - pervasive developmental disorder, specifically sensory perception and motor skills disorder. Autism is a pdd - and Alex has many of the same characteristics (but thankfully, not all, he IS affectionate and social and a generally HAPPY baby) as children with autism. We start the testing procedure next week, and have been told we will probably not have a CERTAIN diagnosis until the first of the year, but to take heart that we've caught it so early and will start occupational therapy, including sensory training and speech therapy, within the next month. Most children with mild forms of pdd are labeled "spoiled", "clingy" and poorly behaved - and it's not caught until school that something is really WRONG. We feel fortunate to have a head start on this.
I have been struggling with depression and feeling irrational and not able, at all, to compose myself nor control my emotions, lately. I had what can only be described as a breakdown while at my mom's house a few weeks ago. On the advice of my mom, and with TT's support and encouragement, I sought a doctor's advice. I went yesterday, and my doctor was very understanding, patient and encouraging. She has prescribed Zoloft, told me it will take 3 or 4 weeks to kick in, and we'll go from there. She's also prescribed yoga. :) If I don't feel "better" in two months, she will prescribe psychiatric help, specifically cognitive therapy. I'm hopeful. Relieved.
I want to tell you ladies here on the board, that there are 4 women who post (one only lurks and rarely posts) who have been so helpful to me, so loving to me, so kind to me. Becky. Andrea. Candi. Sheri (Northwestwanderer) Becky, Andrea and Candi have been so constant with their love and support and shoulders and suggestions and laughs. Sheri with advice on how to deal with my ex (and she never once suggested beating him - which was my thought!) on the motorcross issue - and is just such a friend to me.
I think sometimes that people think message boards and cyber friends are silly. I couldn't disagree on anything more. The bonds I feel with my cyber buddies are just as strong as those I feel with my "real life" friends - sometimes stronger. I have been able to open up to my cyber buddies about things I would have never felt SAFE talking to ANYONE else about. This is a wonderful board - and it's because of this board that I have made some AMAZING forever friends.
Hugs to you all.

Pages
Donna - dying to know - how was dinner Saturday night??????????????
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
I'm SO relieved about your ex and the motorcross thing, so I can only imagine how relieved YOU are!!!
I'm sorry to hear about what's going on with Alex and your stress and depression, but you are doing exactly the right thing by being proactive on both. I was on anti-depressants for a while years ago, and it just helped so much to get past a difficult time in my life.
I appreciate very much hearing that our friendship means a lot to you...I know it does to me. That's certainly one good indirect by-product of my r'ship with The Liar ;-)...because he has a son, I started coming here and lurking to get perspective on issues single parents face in r'ships. That r'ship ended, obviously, but many of the men I meet to date have kids, so it's still helpful to read posts here. And I'm so happy to have "met" you through this board and GT.
Sheri
I've been so busy lately and I have to respond to this. It's 7:30 PM here and I'm getting ready to run out yet again and pick up our dinner from our local Italian Restaurant. I just can't seem to rest.
You've inspired me to have Chuck maybe have lunch with the kids Dad and talk about the kids. My oldest daughter Jessica (16) got caught lieing again and we took away her cell phone, room phone, internet access, no teen clubs, no movies, no school dances, no prom - I personally feel it should be for the rest of her life, but who am I kidding. She told her dad what happened, and I called her dad and told him what happened. She made plans to go the movies, and have her friend drive. I said no at first, and then said Yes, because I wanted to let her hang herself - I knew something wasn't right when she asked. Also, her friend is 18 and of course a new driver. I don't let any of the kids go any where or go to houses where I at least don't know the kids or the families, or the areas, or see the house. So I said Yes, knowing something else was up. Brian, her brother, was also going and she told him to go to the 9:30 PM show not the 10:30 show (hmmmmm????). Chuck picked Brian up, because the 9:30 was sold out and went to the 10:30. He called Jessica on her cell and she proceeded to say she walking out and going towards the car. Chuck asked her the same question 3 times before she figured "he knew". She was at IHOP with her friends. She claims it was sold out and so went to IHOP with her friends. She never called us to let us know if "she could go" and where she would be. And, she proceeded to lie about it. I'm very big on honesty and truthfullness and she went against what I feel I'm trying to teach her. I believe pier pressure played a big role here.
I don't get along with the kids father, and I'm quick to yell, etc. But he told her that if she lied to me and Chuck, she lied to him. He said he would punich her also. Mind you he only sees the kids every other weekend. How much influence is that. We talk to her every day about life, boys, values, what we expect. This happened last week and he hasn't talked to her about anything. I asked her if he talked to her, since he took them out for a quick bite at McDonalds, and nothing.
Chuck and the kids Dad have never spoken. Actually Chuck went to shake their Dads hand in the beginning and their father turned his back and walked away. The guy is a jerk and I can't stand what he tells his kids and how he doesn't make them first in his life.
Your story inspired me to maybe have Chuck schedule some time to meet their Dad for lunch and talk about the kids and what's going on with Jessica.
This may sound cruel, but I already told Jessica that if she ever got pregnant that I would pack her bags and drop off at her dads. She is 16 and I can't see myself taking care of another child. I know she is not sleeping around, but I'm scared of the mistakes that she can make if she sneaks around. My God, someone can put something in her drink and rape her, or kidnap her, kill her. She can in a car accident in some different town and we would be none the wiser. It's scary.
Thanks Mindy. Hugs to You.
P.S. Chuck and the kids want me to go to the Doctors and get checked out, because lately I've been stressed and blowing my top. I think the Doctors going to put me on something too. On top of that, my knee is really bad and I'm going to have to do the surgery this time.
CL-Entrepreneurial Women
Business Impressions, LLC
You know, since I posted this, others have posted and I've gotten numerous emails (some from Ivillage lurkers who have never posted before and I don't know!) about how they are feeling irrational and unable to control themselves lately, in the past, they've been there, done that, or they are there doing it now.
I'm so sorry about the mess with Jessica, Marilyn. Geesh Louise. These kids. How do you think your ex would react if Chuck called him to schedule a time to talk? Would he be open about it? I hope SOMETHING works.
I'm very fortunate that TT considers my ex to be a good friend. My ex and his girlfriend have come over several times for dinner, we've hung out before, we have a good relationship. I don't know how open minded ex would have been to TT if this were not the case.
Hugs to you, my friend.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Like Chuck said, these parents don't feel they are doing anything wrong and feel that we are the bad people here. What good would it be to talk, when it will only get uglier.
Hugs, and Thanks, Marilyn
CL-Entrepreneurial Women
Business Impressions, LLC
This is a very good update, by the way! I meant to write and compliment you on this update.
I was introduced to TT by my coworker, who was TT's former assistant during Friday Night Happy Hour at a bar. Long, convoluted story from there . . . . but 3 months after that initial meeting we went away for a weekend together and he professed his love for me at the top of his lungs at a crowded bar. LOL And here we are.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Pages