Update on New Guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Update on New Guy
5
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 11:00am

well, my new guy, the one who was acting odd at first (going out with the guys and not taking me out, calling and saying hi, but nothing else really, coming over to the house, but teling me that we don't need analyze the situation) has continued calling. At least 3 times a day, every day. We went to a cookout/party Saturday afternoon and then he took me to a very nice dinner Saturday night. He took me to dinner again last night. He has told his parents about me, who in turn told his sister who called him monday night to figure out what was going on. We were talking last night and I almost called myself his girlfriend and then stopped and I said, wait, what AM I?? he said, you're my "thing" and he wink and hugged me. I said, that's really weird. He said, well we are dating, and we talk to each other everyday a lot, and we seem to be trying to see each other as much as possible.

he's right. We are going to dinner and he is coming down and we are talking, we just haven't verbally defined what we are. he went to watch monday night football with the guys and then ended up calling me during it to tell me he missed me. We are exclusive. He is neither talking to or going out with any other girl and I'm not talking to or going out with any other guy.

I haven't wanted to get hurt. He really scares me, because I think that if I allow it to happen, I could fall and fall hard for him. he tells me he really likes me and he likes being with me. And honestly, I like it too. i'm just so scared about all of it. Most of the hestitancy comes from my friend who has from the beginning told me he will get tired of me and leave or that his last girlfirend was gorgeous and that anything else would be taking a step down or that he has no intentions of committing, he's just playing a game. I don't know why she doesn't support me at all in this and all her negative comments helped to make me scared of getting hurt and scared of him. The thing is, when I stop thinking about what she says and start thinking him and the way he acts when we are together and about how i feel, I realize that I really like this guy.

so we've now moved up from the talking stage to the dating stage... guess if we keep going with the flow, we may end up at the exclusive relationship stay together for maybe forever stage....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 11:53am
Hey, glad to hear he's really getting into you. You're scared, and that's normal considering all you've been through, but don't get hung up on labels. It's not what he says, but what he does that counts. His actions thus far, say that he's really into you, if he wasn't, he wouldn't spend so much time with you. I say don't push, go with the flow, and see what develops. If he starts to change with you, then be concerned. Some men are very resistant to commit, they fight it really hard. They are just scared too. I wouldn't listen to that friend of yours though, so what if his ex was geougeous. That's totally irrelevent, he's with you now! Be secure with yourself, who knows she may have been a shallow, terrible person. Maybe she had all these bad habbits, like belching, and snoring, lol. It sounds to me like your friend is either scared for you, jealous, or just thrives on negativity. A real friend should support you, she can voice her concerns, but keep it quiet after that. If something bad does happen she should be there to offer a shoulder to cry on, and don't say I told you so. I think also, so you don't get hung up on "him", you should develop other areas of your life, and keep busy, so that if things don't work out, you will be emotionally better equipped to handle it. Have fun there are no guarantees in life, even if he calls you his gf, that's still no guarantee that things will work out, so just take it calm, one day at a time, and hope for the best.
Lots of hugs your way, I'm rooting for you.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:20pm

It sounds like things are going okay but you need to spend more time getting to know each other, especially before getting intimate.

I think you should be cautious - take it slow and continue to date him instead of just hango out - but don't get too caught up in what others are saying.

Is he "settled" in his life? Meaning responsible with money, job, goals?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 1:34pm

Thanks. And that's what we've been doing is getting to know each other. Asking questions, likes and dislikes, not rushing head first into something that is going to get too serious too fast and then find out we really don't like each other.

he is settled. he has a wonderful job that he loves, he owns his own house (has a good amount of money), and is ready to settle down and have children. I have a great job, own my house and have one child (and want more). His main concern is the fact that he has been screwed over by girls in the past who he is jumped into relationships with and he doesn't want that to happen again, especially since he is ready to settle down completely.

We've talked about it and figured out we really needed the time to just talk. just had a lot of negative feedback from someone that made it hard to think positively about the growing relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 2:16pm

I would not like to be called someone's "thing". I like my guy because he calls me "his woman". He wooed me because he wanted the job of being my man.

If a man really wants you, he's not so scared or hung up over the women who have screwed him over in the past. He's excited and jazzed about you. I look at my SO and he has been burned, but you'd never know it because he's so happy to have met me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 11:42pm

Good points, Tricia, I totally agree!


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