Update: Online Love
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Update: Online Love
| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 9:05pm |
Hey everyone! Its me just to let you all know that I told my online, LDR, love interest about my kids. And guess what!! He is even crazier in love with me than before!!! My gut instincts were on target again!! I am being careful...but things are going great, there is nothing to worry about here!! Nope!! No way!! I will keep you guys updated on any new events! Happy Easter to all!
Love...
LP

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Thank you for your update and Easter wishes. I do think it is good that you are practicing communication and bringing up the issue that you are a mom with a child.
The whole internet thing with him being so far away is still a little scary to me. I only hope that you are not denying yourself the chance to heal from your previous horrible situation - have you thought about counseling to make sure you are going to be okay and that you are doing okay with this? I am afraid of giving you the wrong advice here and we did all express concern in our previous thread. It would be easy for me to just say - oh great - and it feels dangerous to express concern because I don't want to upset you - just trying to be honest and helpful as best as I can.
Maybe rlch and the others who have gone what you have gone through in the past can help here.
Whatever you decide, we are always here for you, okay?
Hi LP
I read through your last post again on the other thread, and one thing that stood out to me was that you said you didn't know whether you had a clear mind at the moment. We can get so carried away with things that we get lost in a little dreamworld. People outside the situation can sometimes see things more rationally than those involved.
West is obviously still slightly worried about this, and I must admit I am too. While I am pleased that you seem so happy, I would urge you to take a few steps back if you can. You don't want to get your dreams shattered, and the higher you get, the further it would be to fall.
Again, I would love to be proved wrong, believe me. But when you say someone you have never met is crazy in love with you, it makes me feel scared.
Please continue to be careful, and bear in mind what everyone here said to you, without letting it spoil your fun. "Fun" is how you should be seeing it - I hope you can get to that stage.
Clem xx
West.....
Thanks for your concern. I have been in therapy for almost 6months now, right after my separation. I'm doing good, regardless of all the abuse I went through. My major problem that I have now, is balancing all I have, alone, everyday. Emotionally...I think Im okay. Keyword there is think. But...if I wasnt emotionally okay though, there is no way I would be able to handle all the demands that are being placed on me right now. My grades are good, Im there for my kids, I make time for myself, I make time for my friends and family, I take care of the household stuff, the dog, the bills. I am doing awesome! I am ready to move on. And Im moving on slowly but surely. Let my bubble keep floating for a while. Its nice right now.
Clem...
Ok...maybe saying crazy in love was a little over the top for me to say. He didn't say that...he said that knowing something like that shouldn't be a determining factor in avoiding a person, its a part of who I am, it would be just wrong and stupid on his part if he did(his words). It adds to the person I am(his words).
And about being clear. Im living in a chaotic little world, my world, and if I didn't have a clear mind, I would not be able to handle all thats going on. It was an assumption on my part of how all of you see me, that I'm not thinking clearly. I think I am. Im a fighter and a winner. I did make it through the bad and Im still going strong.
My bubble is being popped. Im hoping an 'I told you so' comes out of my mouth one day. If I get hurt, oh well, it won't be as bad as what has happened to me in the past. There's a line, if one doesn't work, I'll just say "next". That simple.
LP
oh that is GREAT that you are in counseling!! Keep that going - it is something good for you.
Please don't feel you are the only one "alone with a huge plate" - that is all of us here. I totally know how you feel about that. Some days I worry that I have so much to do I don't get to enjoy my DS and build all the classic childhood memories like the ones I grew up with. It is stressful having to be by yourself to raise a kid and keep all of the balls in the air. It sure sounds like you are going in the right direction. Good grades to boot - that is not easy with all you do.
Okay - keep us posted - we would love to have you hear to help us with all of our threads on a regular basis!!
From the view of someone who also is out of an abusive relationship, I would just caution you that it is VERY EZ to fall now ... b/c you want, NEED, someone that treats you well, compliments you, appreciates you AND makes you feel wanted & loved.
I know everyone here is concered for me. I am too. Can I ask you....How do I be careful? What do I look for? There are no red flags so far, so what am I supposed to do? Ignore him? Pen pals worked before...isn't this similar? It may seem I dont want to hear it, but that's why I came on here in the first place...to get advice. I am taking all the advice I received...I've become skeptical about everything, now Im distancing myself from him... but if you're all wrong...that will prevent me from letting him in and having the chance for something. Some people dont trust a single soul from the getgo...and those I know like that, are ALONE!! That's not in my nature. I know who I can trust and who I can't from the start, I have never been proven wrong.
LP
Until you meet face to face, you have no idea if there is even any chemistry between you. You can be anybody you want to be online. Yes, there are honest people out there in cyberspace (such as me). But there are alot of people that are not.
Since you live on different parts of the country it is going to be nearly impossible to get to know each other. Knowing someone online and/or over the phone is just a small part of who they are. Online dating sites are just a way to POSSIBLY meet people you wouldn't otherwise have a chance to meet. I mean, let's face it, when you work full time and are a single Mom, you don't have much spare time. Not to mention the dating pool tends to get smaller as we get older.
You may have never been proven wrong in your assessment of people. You are extremely lucky. I am practical to a fault and a very good judge of character. Yet, I have been wrong in my opinion of someone I thought was a very upstanding person. Your online friend may very well be a nice guy, but I wouldn't get so wrapped up in someone you haven't even met. You have put alot of expectations of a relationship that doesn't even exist face to face.
Personally, I wouldn't pursue a long distance relationship. At some point, somebody is going to have to move. In the meantime, you may be shutting the door on the possibility of meeting someone that lives closer to you.
I do wish you the best of luck. I think everybody here is just concerned that you are really putting yourself out there and stand a very good chance of being disappointed and/or hurt.
Stephanie
Actually, its not even the "safety" thing I was talking about - that is just common sense in OLD if you ever meet him ... all the "rules" --- know their last name, maybe where they work, let someone know where you will meet him (IN PUBLIC) & when to expect to hear from you, NEVER EVER go anywhere alone or in thier car w/ them, especiallly to their home, etc etc ....
My warnings about "being careful" actually have almost nothing to do with physical safety or what he is like.
rich..
I know about the common sense safety, thats not what I was asking about. What I want to know...how do I be careful emotionally. How do I block my thoughts from thinking what they are...when he is so caring and giving me the attention I need? How do I prevent him from getting too much in my head, per say? Shutting myself off from the world would be the worse thing for me to do now. I love connecting with people...and I think it helps me move on from whats happened to me. Is that what you think I should do? cut him off? Its hard to block someone emotionally...how do I?
LP
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