Update on our border....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Update on our border....
6
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:12pm
So far, so good. He's no trouble and he's even been helpful. He's been kind of fun to have around because we pick on Shane.

I guess my biggest question is what the time issue is with getting a place of his own. He does need to move. That hasn't changed. This time of the month is not a great time to have someone else living with us because it's the worst financial time each month. And we're broke as ever. Not because of Shane's friend, but because we just are from big bills and more to be paid after Friday.

I can honestly say that his friend is being very nice, not monopolizing Shane's time, and being very helpful and gracious for what I'm doing around here. He even pulled me aside to say a special thank you for being so good about this. He realizes it isn't easy to open your home to people for anyone and that he appreciates my sacrificing a little so he can get a new start. At that point, I felt great and awful at the same time. Great because he really meant it and noticed that I am being a good-hearted person. Awful because of the Hell I gave Shane over this arrangement. But I think his friend knew it wouldn't be easy for me to agree and pretty much expected me to object even a little.

I just want it back to normal again. I'm happy that the arrangement is working out and that he's not using us or making us pay for everything, but he does need to go and soon. We have our own lives we have to live and it makes it kind of hard to do stuff like going on a date together when we would feel weird about him being home alone. As bad as I feel about thinking this way after how nice he's been, it's time to start looking and he has tomorrow off. Apartment guides are free and he should spend the day making calls and looking around. It can't hurt, right?

Mel

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:48pm

I guess my biggest question is what the time issue is with getting a place of his own. ... you allowed him to move in w/out a definite move-out-by date??? I thought you weren't going to do that w/out some boundaries drawn Mel!!! I hope you don't get stuck too long.


And yes, apartment guides and SOMETIMES even apartment location services are free. He ought to be off his butt making a huge effort.


Still, I am glad it's going ok.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:53pm
I thought he was moving in with Shane's single buddy? I'm confused.

I understand you want him out. But you said he came to your house without a dime. Does he have a job yet? Has he received a check yet? I can't imagine where he would have gotten the money from in the past few days to put a down, first and last, turn utilities on, etc., etc. to actually get an apartment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:17pm
Shane's co-worker was losing his room mate but the guy paid his rent so he couldn't be kicked out. Meaning basically the friend is living with us for a little while anyway. He does have some money, but I'm not sure how much. I can imagine he has some money saved from his previous job.

He's working now for Shane. Of course, unless he has a good amount of cash saved from his previous job, if he doesn't sell a car, he won't see any money soon from the job. He's confident he will sell one this week. Let's hope so.

But it seems like Shane's timeline given to me might be a bit ambitious. He said two weeks is all his friend should need. Just a paycheck and he'll be in a place. But that involves actually having some money saved and selling a car here to be able to get more money.

I'm stressed and I'm trying to be positive. I know he isn't here to make waves and he's being very nice, but we just can't afford this much longer. We can't even afford it now.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:22pm
Hugs, Mel. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I think Shane's plans were a little ambitious, too. I think men have a tendency to be that way sometimes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:23pm
Well, I talked to Shane before his friend came here and he said no more than two weeks. But that all depends on if he had money to begin with saved to aid his search for a place and also if he sells a car anytime soon to earn a check from this job. If that doesn't happen, he's here longer and there's nothing I can do about it. Shane won't kick him out and he certainly is not seeming to push the issue of getting out there and at least looking. I'm beginning to think this is going to last a lot longer than we planned. He's been great and no trouble at all, but he has to go soon. It will be better for everyone. But whencan I talk to Shane? His friend is always here when Shane is here. We have no private time except when we go to bed and he possibly could hear us discussing it. Plus Shane is so sensitive about this that I know it would turn into an argument. He's made it clear that this is important to him and now I'm stuck allowing it as long as Shane is letting it be.

Mel

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Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:47pm
Well at least I know I married a loving generous man even if he's a bit ignorant to the big picture sometimes. He sees the big picture as his friend becoming more independent and having a better life than he had in Dallas. Hey, I love that thought and I see that too. But the immediate part is how long exactly are we gonna have to support this guy until this happens? Men do think a bit on the ambitious side when it comes to stuff. Shane just sees someone in need and is ready to give them all he has without thinking of what that will do to our lives. He just wants everyone to have it all and can't stand to see anyone suffer. I guarantee his friend wasn't suffering. He made enough to get by and seemed happy doing just that. And would have kept it up had Shane not pestered him endlessly about coming here to work..and live with us as long as he felt he needed to.

I have a feeling Shane didn't ever really talk to his friend about how much money he has to his name and how long he felt he'd need to stay. I think he just assumed or at the very least, just told me two weeks to shut me up. I'm thinking it will take longer and I hope I'm wrong. He won't be paid this Friday and he won't see another check until the first. And I'm not sure how quickly they process sales commissions. Does he have to wait a full month or will he be paid on the first for all he's done beginning now? Hard to say. All I know is that we can't and WON'T be paying any of his deposit to move out.

I guess I'll just have to break down and talk to Shane.

Mel

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