Update on the Sunday Non-date Date

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Update on the Sunday Non-date Date
6
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:20pm

Update on the Non-Date Date


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:34pm
Good for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:52pm

Good for you!!!


I don't think there is anything wrong with continuing to see her, but keeping yourself open to others at the same time - as long as your honest with her, and of course we know you will be!


And yes - life happens when you make other plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:53pm

The only thing I have to say, which is more of a "what *I* would do" type of thing, is that you HAVE done a lot of hard work and working on yourself to find "the one" and you have indicated you really want to find the one. I really believe this one would hamper you more than help you for this task and goal. You have done a lot of work so far to find the one - with dating and rejecting a lot and spending a lot of time alone - that is a hard process at best.

Furthermore, I believe that if she is willing to enter into such an agreement with you, this would nullify her in your eyes as ever being the one. And then you are going to be more focused on her and this chemistry than finding the one for you. And you do have the potential to confuse and hurt her when she doesn't know any better - which is her post-divorce state. She may say she is okay with this - but I bet you would have an entirely different reaction from her when she finds out you are intimate with her and still seeking the one. That is very hurtful from a girl's perspective and I know I could not agree to such a thing.

But YOU are the one who has to decide what is right for you and you are very nice to be so honest with her. And not all girls are like me - many can do the FWB or whatever you want to call it thing.

That is just my honesty speaking. If she is not the one I think you should wait and date more. But we are always here for whatever you decide and do not judge you - I was believing you wanted my best advice because I know what it is like to be in your boat. I really do - the loneliness and emptiness are a great burden at times. And you are a great guy and catch - you just need the right one.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 2:09pm

Oh I totally agree on the slippery slope of sexual intimacy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 3:01pm

Hello, Mark


I was going to respond earlier, when you first wrote about CNDG. It's interesting to me, because I have mixed feelings in attraction versus "what's right".


One thing I know from reading your posts is that you have done a lot of soul searching, you are not only introspective and authentic with yourself but with others. You've come a long way and you are a complete person, ready to meet someone who is also there in that state. It's commendable that you have come as far as you have! You have even gone beyond the mental/spiritual and worked on yourself physically. It's all good and has made you so genuine. I've read about your dates and meetings with ladies who you genuinely like but you have followed your best instincts and they have stayed in the friend category. I am a strong believer in that gut feeling especially when you have done the inner self discovery you have...the intuition and subconscious gets in sync with your conscious thoughts and serves you very well.


So, enter CNDG. Something in you is sparked by chemistry. You are the kind of person who can get to deep spiritual and mental places of connection and so if she is able to do that as well, I can see why there is that connection, therefore spark. In my own experience, I remember well (pre-marriage days) I had met a guy who, simply stated, rocked my world in the way we could relate mentally/spiritually..it was amazing. The attraction to him transcended the physical and even logical. This happened again to me later in life through an email correspondence with a man 1200 miles from me. We just clicked mentally and it created an almost instant attraction.


My thought is that yes, you have done a lot personally and yes, you are looking for the right one, in every way, on every level, even physical level. In the mean time, as long as you are honest with CNDG, I would not see harm in seeing her, being able to share things, and enjoying the chemistry. Afterall, she has her own mind and if you are honest,

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 4:11pm

Pacific,


Thank you for your thoughtful comments on my situation.