update on SYB dramas

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
update on SYB dramas
13
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 9:43am
So yesterday I helped SYB and his older sister J ( the civil one) move her stuff from what I now refer to as "the house of pain" to a new place. She has moved out and is much happier being away from B and her boyfriend. That whole fiasco weeks ago still weighs heavily on everyone's minds and just walking in the house where SYB was attacked and I was ranted at was horrible. I am not really friends with J either although she has never been openly rude to me. I feel pretty much like nobody in the family has accepted me or embraced my presence or my son's in SYB's life. It is hard to not let it get to me and then when she asks for help with something and SYB asks me as well I feel like I should. I was kind of grumpy in the morning admittedly because I feel like I am putting myself in a position where I am being very supportive and friendly toward his family but will never get the approval I should. I want to be true to my charitable nature since I do like to help out and I am someone who can be counted on but on the other hand I also dont want to be true to myself being a sucker sometimes....lol I got over it for most of the day and just helped out even though the memories of that awful day were swirling around all of us. By the way, I did refuse to do any of this unless the two crazy people were away so we have waited until yesterday because they were out of town. I absolutely would not enter the house if they were in it.
The house is still an absolute disaster. Every present we ever gave her is in a box by the door as well as a hamster we gave her that she wanted when she first got here. He is fed and there is water but only because J is looking after him and he is angry and not friendly. We will have to rehabilitate him with my english Mastiff somehow...lol (really looking forward to that!)lol
There was apparently some sort of additional drama last week that came to us second hand that another mutual friend/couple busted B's violent bf for cheating on her by calling her and telling her. Their plan was to move together to Florida to be happily ever after I guess and this was this couples way of trying to make sure she was seeing who she was really moving with. My opinion is she already knows who he is but just could care less and so far I am right because even though there was a blow up they are currently at the bf's family house in NJ visiting and probably announcing their engagement.
We managed to get 75% of the moving done yesterday and there is more to do next week. My rules will be the same. I want to see them through this. I have both mourned a parent and cleared an estate and left an abusive man's house with my stuff so I feel for them but I still have some resentful feelings as well. Is that reasonable?I will be trying to sort through them. I know if I dont help I will feel badly about it. In moving things, there seem to be some family things missing and B's bedroom door is locked. I figure she has stashed stuff in there since she thinks they are moving everything to an undisclosed location. Of course we tried to tell her we were moving things that whole week when all of that went down and she wouldnt answer the phone. Then the big drama happened and she basically told everyone she didnt care about any of the stuff in the estate anyway because she was getting the heck out of town. I dont believe for a second that she doesnt care about the stuff because we had packed it all up only to find boxes undone even on that horrible day and yesterday was the same. She has a habit of going through things and then leaving them out. I think SYB is worried about what is in her room because once she moves he might not ever see that stuff again. There is one expensive thing that is missing currently that was willed to him as well and it is from his father. We are mulling over the ethics of entering their room via credit card if you know what i mean. I dont know how I feel about that though. I dont want to rile things up AGAIN. I really dont. Am open to opinions on that one. The situation to me is still quite messy.
So basically, this morning - I am a saint for helping :) and sore.
Lilypie - Personal picture

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 9:58am

citylife


can u plse email me via the board.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:07am

Yes, you are a saint for helping!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:23am

I was kind of grumpy in the morning admittedly because I feel like I am putting myself in a position where I am being very supportive and friendly toward his family but will never get the approval I should.


I am so sorry that this saga has no end for you and SYB. I think it is great that you are taking the high road and being true to your nature and helping out.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:39am
Oh thank God everyone agrees with my gut about just going in there and taking what is his. I thought it might be a bit of a hot topic. I was actually feeling guilty at the thought of invading her space but really, enough is enough. Ethics aside, I dont want either of those people having any leverage over SYB if I can help it. I am going to talk to him about it this morning and see how it goes.
We are both a bit crabby this morning from being so active and busy in that house yesterday. He thanked me profusely of course but I have my own feelings to sort out. I also drove a big truck most of the day and my arms and back are sore - ouch!
Thanks for all of our support. I wish I could say the drama is winding down but I have this horrible feeling it is about to wind up again. I am kind of bracing myself for it and its rough because I have concerts in the next week or so and need to be focusing my energy there. I think I can do that though as long as I just take a minute today and redirect my emotions. Maybe the gym would help even though I am sore. I was also thinking of doing some spring cleaning. Sometimes that helps me get my head on straight!
Thanks again!!!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 3:54pm

Hi City-


I certainly can relate- big time- to drama of the SO's family. Your'e doing great, by being supportive without going beyond your personal boundaries.


We invest in our SO's lives and so to a certain degree we sign up also to their families and the drama

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 4:22pm
I feel for what you are going through too and relate to all of it. I am sorry I havent posted on yours sooner. I guess I dont know what I can contribute really because I am vacillating so much myself over here. I can feel how torn SYB is on everything and he still wants what is best for his sister B but I am still full of rage for what she said about my DS. I dont think I will get over it although at times I wish I could. He said the other day that he thought friends might be what B needed the most right now. I honestly replied back that IMO whoever crosses her path, cares for her and tries to protect her right now will be trampled on so I wont be introducing anyone I care about to her. She has trashed anyone who has even remotely shown concern for her and just tosses it all off like she has to leave the city because "she doesnt particularly like the place and she doesnt particularly like the people" The woman part of the couple that called her and revealed what they knew about her cheating bf has been trying to text her all week because she thought they were friends and she hasnt responded to any of it - instead leaving town to visit bf's parents. I just end up haking my head. Some people dont want or arent ready to be helped. I just cant imagine how much SYB will get his heart broken in all of this because I know him and he will attempt to rescue again, it is just his nature. Or maybe it is my fears telling me that for the confrontation he and I will have over it. I just feel so strained from it all. And remember I am trying to fight wrinkles over here. It just isnt fair!
How are you holding up?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 4:50pm

And remember I am trying to fight wrinkles over here. It just isn't fair!


ROFL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 5:03pm

I am sorry I haven't posted on yours sooner. I guess I don't know what I can contribute really because I am vacillating so much myself over here.


Don't be sorry- I totally understand the feelings you're having. In fact- when the situation started over here with BEs daughter I was so emotionally tired that I hardy posted at all and barley even got my work done...


Some people don't want or arent ready to be helped. I just cant imagine how much SYB will get his heart broken in all of this because I know him and he will attempt to rescue again, it is just his nature.


Oh you are SOO speaking a language I understand right now! 100 percent. You and I are both involved with very good hearted caring rescuers- who want nothing but happiness for their sister/daughter. Yes!! Some people don't want

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 5:30pm

I think everyone here has great advice and Soonee, too.

citylife - does he really want the article that was willed to him? I would be inclined to give it up if it did not have extreme value or meaning.

Good luck and keep us posted! Hopefully this is it and you do not have to hear from them for a while!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 7:36pm

In answer to west's question - the article in question is an antique map worth about two thousand dollars and of course since his father collected them and there are four ( three of which are accounted for), there is sentimental value. I dont think SYB will give up on it.
I hope that they will be leaving town never to be heard from again but I doubt it. Ever have that feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better? THat os the feeling I have now about B. Maybe I am wrong and am just reactive because I am tired from yesterday and reliving the drama in my head because I was in that house again but my hunches are usually dead on. I am one of those people that when things are being talked through I will blurt out things like
" You know, it wouldnt surprise me if she were pregnant" and she was.
or
"I bet he already has cheated on her at that restaurant" and it turns out he did.
or
"He bought that puppy because she lost that pregnancy" which he did. (HICK)
or
"I think your sister is bulimic still" and then we found evidence to it.

So I tend to trust my gut about people and situations. It has gotten better over the years of course - this would explain me marrying my ex rather nicely:)lol....I really hope I am not right about this situation though. I just feel very strongly that she or they are going to wreak more havoc before they go. They seem to really want SYB and I to feel some pain if not break up altogether.

Thanks again for everyone's support. I feel so much better having posted about it. I cant seem to shake this feeling of dread but I will try and move through it.
I figure I was able to shake what happened that Friday a few weeks ago at the house so I should be able to do away with this - just need to stay centered and thoughtful instead of panicked and acint like I am Dion Warwick's white sister or something...
and yes, the humor is still there. And so is the Clarisonic. My skin has honestly NEVER looked better. I dont have any baby pics of me so I cant be sure but seriously, I love this thing. And it feels like a face massage I never knew I wanted. I am still waiting on the other stuff because for some reason it got sent to Jacksonville and someone actually signed for it!!! So they are sending new stuff and making it get here by tomorrow I hope. Frustrating to delay the products but I have been keeping happy with the sloughing machine. I even like the way it beeps at me...lol

Lilypie - Personal picture

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