update on SYB dramas

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
update on SYB dramas
13
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 9:43am
So yesterday I helped SYB and his older sister J ( the civil one) move her stuff from what I now refer to as "the house of pain" to a new place. She has moved out and is much happier being away from B and her boyfriend. That whole fiasco weeks ago still weighs heavily on everyone's minds and just walking in the house where SYB was attacked and I was ranted at was horrible. I am not really friends with J either although she has never been openly rude to me. I feel pretty much like nobody in the family has accepted me or embraced my presence or my son's in SYB's life. It is hard to not let it get to me and then when she asks for help with something and SYB asks me as well I feel like I should. I was kind of grumpy in the morning admittedly because I feel like I am putting myself in a position where I am being very supportive and friendly toward his family but will never get the approval I should. I want to be true to my charitable nature since I do like to help out and I am someone who can be counted on but on the other hand I also dont want to be true to myself being a sucker sometimes....lol I got over it for most of the day and just helped out even though the memories of that awful day were swirling around all of us. By the way, I did refuse to do any of this unless the two crazy people were away so we have waited until yesterday because they were out of town. I absolutely would not enter the house if they were in it.
The house is still an absolute disaster. Every present we ever gave her is in a box by the door as well as a hamster we gave her that she wanted when she first got here. He is fed and there is water but only because J is looking after him and he is angry and not friendly. We will have to rehabilitate him with my english Mastiff somehow...lol (really looking forward to that!)lol
There was apparently some sort of additional drama last week that came to us second hand that another mutual friend/couple busted B's violent bf for cheating on her by calling her and telling her. Their plan was to move together to Florida to be happily ever after I guess and this was this couples way of trying to make sure she was seeing who she was really moving with. My opinion is she already knows who he is but just could care less and so far I am right because even though there was a blow up they are currently at the bf's family house in NJ visiting and probably announcing their engagement.
We managed to get 75% of the moving done yesterday and there is more to do next week. My rules will be the same. I want to see them through this. I have both mourned a parent and cleared an estate and left an abusive man's house with my stuff so I feel for them but I still have some resentful feelings as well. Is that reasonable?I will be trying to sort through them. I know if I dont help I will feel badly about it. In moving things, there seem to be some family things missing and B's bedroom door is locked. I figure she has stashed stuff in there since she thinks they are moving everything to an undisclosed location. Of course we tried to tell her we were moving things that whole week when all of that went down and she wouldnt answer the phone. Then the big drama happened and she basically told everyone she didnt care about any of the stuff in the estate anyway because she was getting the heck out of town. I dont believe for a second that she doesnt care about the stuff because we had packed it all up only to find boxes undone even on that horrible day and yesterday was the same. She has a habit of going through things and then leaving them out. I think SYB is worried about what is in her room because once she moves he might not ever see that stuff again. There is one expensive thing that is missing currently that was willed to him as well and it is from his father. We are mulling over the ethics of entering their room via credit card if you know what i mean. I dont know how I feel about that though. I dont want to rile things up AGAIN. I really dont. Am open to opinions on that one. The situation to me is still quite messy.
So basically, this morning - I am a saint for helping :) and sore.
Lilypie - Personal picture

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 7:46pm
I hoep youa re right about us being brought closer over this. I have my concerns that we wont always agree when it comes to forgiving and forgetting with B. I know we have what it takes to let tough stuff bring us closer but he is very devoted to his family even when it is stormy. He would tell you today that he wants nothing t do with her but sometimes I can just see inside his heart and he seems so sad to see his family ripped apart over this stuff when they have already lost both parents...
What is wrong with these women anyway? It makes me crazy just thinking about it. The weird thing is I havent ever even gotten the impression that B truly loves her bf. Like he is safe maybe beause she DOESNT love him and therefore he cant truly abandon her. He clearly is infatuated with her even though he is a horses a$$. I think she likes the feelings he has for her when he is sober but the rest of it MUST suck. I just feel like she has taken this thing SOOO far now and cant come back from it in her own mind. Like there would be too many I told you sos for her to deal with so she is just keeping down the track of misery instead. It is so infuriating too because she is a beautiful intelligent young woman ( 31), no kids, never married, and has tons of talent and even had leads to follow her dreams and she ditched all of it.....maybe she is just petrified at being happy but it is just spreading misery everywhere now and especially to the people who love her the most.
I cant imagien what you feel about the kids involved in your situation. That would tear my heart out. I am having enough trouble with the fact that she has neglected a Rottie puppy and I think that dog will be a mess. I know big dogs and what they need in the beginning and he is getting none of that. Well, and then there is Baxter, the hamster. Still not sure how we are ever going to be able to pet him without havign a finger bitten off and did I mention I am a violinist? LOL
Anyhow, I really really appreciate what you wrote and how much we can relate to one another on this one!!! I will be thinking good thoughts for you from over here. You seem very positive about things and I soooo need that right now!!
HUGS!!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 8:27pm

I do think then, that you should take Soonee's and the others advice and sneak in to get it and leave nothing else touched.

I hope they go away and stay away!!

Where do these people come from? I think they crawled out from under a rock in REDNECK town! LOL!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 10:30pm

The hamster's name is Baxter?

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