Update on things
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| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:15am |
Just letting you know that I am okay and things are going well. I was a little down yesterday when I thought of the whole gift thing with my X but I am over all of that crap. Anyway, we have not slept together. I am not saying we won't. But mostly it has to do with his schedule the past few days. He called me yesterday to tell me what all else he had left to do for work and I was just very "whatever" about it, "That's fine, go do your job and I'll talk to you later." And really, that is how I feel. Used to, I'd be all upset, but I just don't care about that anymore. He has a job, he needs to be there until he's off. Period. He makes great money and the reason is that he works hard. So last night at about 930 he called and he just left work. The kids were in bed, the dinner had been put away (of course if he had stopped over, I would have let him pull it out and warm himself some up), but I was tired and I knew he was since he'd been up since 5AM so I said, "You're going to the apt. to sleep now, aren't you?" He said yes, he was and I said, "Good, you need to." He said he'd call me today and he was off so what time was I off so he could come over and spend time alone with me. I told him when I was off and he said he'd see me then so we could spend time together alone before I got the kids from daycare. NOw whether he is looking for sex at that time or if he's just wanting to talk is beyond me but he said he was coming over so we could spend some time together. That's all I know and I am happy about that since he normally only wants to be around with the kids there
Maybe this is a positive step. I am staying positive no matter what because I know that with or without him, I am okay. Finally...I know that.

It's really great to know and feel like you don't need him or any man to be OKAY. Great step forward!
Love,
Loonybunny
It has taken time to get to this point, but I just know there is no point in all the insecurity. I have put myself, my friends, and Shane thru Hell with all of that. Accusations toward him, phone calls frantic and crying to friends...(thank God they still love me) and my own stress levels putting me into therapy and on pills. I got tired of it. I realized that my life needs peace and I need to breathe. I have so much else to worry about without adding to it things that are unnecessary. He's not a cheater. I am confident.
I don't need him in my life for happiness. Now do I ~want~ him around? Yes I do. I love him. I want us to reconcile and to be happy together like we were meant to be. DO I think that if we have sex this afternoon when he comes over that we will miraculously be back on track? NOT AT ALL! But I do think that if we both just work on ourselves, we can find out way. We both deserve happiness and I know now that if I do not get back with him, I will not die. He's the love of my life. That will never change. I'll never not love him and he will never not love me. That is just how it is.
~Mel~
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