Update on Us

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Update on Us
12
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 9:56am

I just wanted to tell all of you that we haven't fought anymore and we are talking. He's being more communicative and sensitive. I think when I revealed to him the other night during our talk about counseling that I considered leaving, he realized he COULD lose me. He went to Dallas yesterday to the auto auction and on his way home, he called to tell me he was on his way, which he always does, but he called again later, which he never does, to just talk. I was surprised. Pleasantly. He kept telling me he loved me and he was so nice. Not in a way that I'd suspect anything, just sweet like he used to be. And when we went to bed he told me he missed me while he was gone. That's something "I" normally say. But it was nice to hear it from him.

This morning, I woke up and turned on the tv and noticed that it was turned onto the channel that is Pay per view for the Playboy Channel. I knew Shane's friend had not been here last night with us and he came in late, but Shane will get up in the middle of the night and channel surf sometimes and order that if he's bored and can't sleep. I asked him if he got up and he said no so I told him what I saw (the movie was no longer on) and he thought maybe his friend just surfed thru, but I confirmed it was ordered. Shane took care of it. Apparently either his friend heard me ask Shane about it in the bathroom while Shane was showering, or Shane talked to him because his friend gave me 20 bucks and said that it was for the movie he ordered. He wasn't upset about it. He just handed it over. Those movies are $11.00 a pop, so I was pretty upset, but never lost my cool. I just told him I noticed it was ordered and wanted to know if he got up or if his friend did. No accusations or assumptions. I was very good about it.

I consider that a big thing for Shane to talk to him about it. And I'm glad he told him he needed to fork it over. I hope this behavior continues. It's peaceful. But I do want to go to counseling anyway because I have issues I'd like to discuss anyway about my past and how it might be affecting me now.

Just wanted you all to know.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
In reply to: lissa91
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:48am

Hugs to you...you take care of yourself...you are pregnant and going through way too much...breathe and try not to be so hard on yourself. Remember hormones affect so much for you right now.


Counseling is something I am doing and I am enjoying it -- the fact I get to unload all my stuff - once

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: lissa91
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:09am

Good. But I think you should print out one of your recent messages and take that with you so you can discuss how to handle your different belief systems on finances.

It is good that Shane is listening and realizing what is going on - he has a good heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:18am

I know he does and that's why I'm so determined to get past this hump. I know so much of our problems lie with T living here. My pregnancy hormones are causing me to react harder to things as well and I know it can't be easy on Shane, but he has to understand that is how it is right now. I can't help it.

He's being so much better in a short time. I don't expect miracles to happen, but it's nice to know he's being more understanding or at least seeming to be. I'm trying to breathe before I react too. Not easy, but has to be done.

Thanks!

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: lissa91
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:38pm

Mel, I'm happy for you that things are peaceful, you're feeling loved, Shane is stepping up to the plate with the friend and money.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 5:41pm
Hugs Sweetie! You'll be fine. I hope you have a really great weekend, and get the chance to do something nice for YOU! I would suggest a long candlelit bath or something similar, but I am guessing the heat makes that not fun. Can't believe how hot it still is!
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 7:01pm

UGH! It's unbearable. Our's isn't even so much hot, although it's 85 in the morning, but it's humid. SOOOO HUMID. Just about choking you. And all the maternity clothes I can find are long sleeved. My shirt from this morning is long sleeved. But I took it off and wore a t-shirt the rest of the day.

I tried a hot bath last night and got dizzy. I think I'll hold off on those until it finally cools down. I'm feeling a little nauseated today. I needed a nap, so I took one. Poor Shane is by himself at work as the sole pre-owned manager this weekend. The other one is off. He's busy and very tired. Hard to plan dinner since I'm not sure when he'll actually be here.

Oh and I've narrowed the house search to 4 homes. Shane is going to meet our realtor on Monday and Tuesday early afternoons to look at them 2 by 2 and hopefully next week, we have a house to offer on. I'm not hearing from the owner of this one so we are dropping it from our possible home list. Plus we'd have remodeling to do and I'm not really up to it. One house has a small in ground pool, but Shane says it's no big deal and we can put a portable fence around it easily. It's done all the time. It's such a charming house. Lots of character, but I also love one I saw today with the most gorgeous wood floors and perfect countertops in the kitchen. All honey colored floors and the granite counters. Beautiful!

So we'll update ya'll on the houses.

And other things.

Mel

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:53am

How are you after the weekend Mel? I hope it was a good one!


One comment on something you said. Hard to plan dinner since I'm not sure when he'll actually be here....That's when you DON'T plan mealtimes. You make something healthy, you eat with Dylan when you are ready and you let Shane take care of himself. Try to eliminate one more unnecessary stress if you can. I am saying this from current experience. Jas is working a long shift right now, and though he's home at a regular time, his appetite is "off" and I don't even let myself stress about it. I make dinner. If he wants to eat, he eats. If not, he eats later and just hangs out with Ty and I and we all chat a bit. Good enough for me. that used to be a HUGE insult to me if someone didn't eat when I cooked, but I am learning to relax and let that roll. ;)

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:10am
That is good advice, Becky. I remember I used to get so stressed with my ex because I would work hard to cook a good dinner and he would never be there to eat it. Or he would read the paper while he was eating it... or he would complain about me leaving a few scraps of potato peels in the sink when he was doing the dishes...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:43pm
I'm fine. We had a nice weekend. T was gone to Dallas after work on Saturday and all day yesterday. We never saw him. Not until this morning. We had the house to ourselves. Dylan's karate tournament was yesterday and his trophy made my day.

Shane and I had a nice time just chilling out. Had a good lunch although I can barely eat without feeling ill right now. We were playful with each other and the time alone was nice. I also went home to town to spend the afternoon Saturday with my folks. Much needed break from laundry.

Thanks so much for asking. It's nice to know allof you care.

How are YOU?

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: lissa91
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 2:16pm
I agree with this completely.

Dinner is on the table pretty much everynight at 6:30. If TT is there to join us, great. If he's not, it can be warmed up when he gets home. Period. I was doing the stressing out thing about it - and THREE days in a row I cooked a really nice meal - knowing TT would be later than usual - delayed in feeding the kids - and TT got home and the kids were beyond starving and TT had grabbed a sandwhich at the Employee Dining Room cause he was too hungry to wait! I don't do that anymore!!!!!!!

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