Update on Us
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| Fri, 10-22-2004 - 9:56am |
I just wanted to tell all of you that we haven't fought anymore and we are talking. He's being more communicative and sensitive. I think when I revealed to him the other night during our talk about counseling that I considered leaving, he realized he COULD lose me. He went to Dallas yesterday to the auto auction and on his way home, he called to tell me he was on his way, which he always does, but he called again later, which he never does, to just talk. I was surprised. Pleasantly. He kept telling me he loved me and he was so nice. Not in a way that I'd suspect anything, just sweet like he used to be. And when we went to bed he told me he missed me while he was gone. That's something "I" normally say. But it was nice to hear it from him.
This morning, I woke up and turned on the tv and noticed that it was turned onto the channel that is Pay per view for the Playboy Channel. I knew Shane's friend had not been here last night with us and he came in late, but Shane will get up in the middle of the night and channel surf sometimes and order that if he's bored and can't sleep. I asked him if he got up and he said no so I told him what I saw (the movie was no longer on) and he thought maybe his friend just surfed thru, but I confirmed it was ordered. Shane took care of it. Apparently either his friend heard me ask Shane about it in the bathroom while Shane was showering, or Shane talked to him because his friend gave me 20 bucks and said that it was for the movie he ordered. He wasn't upset about it. He just handed it over. Those movies are $11.00 a pop, so I was pretty upset, but never lost my cool. I just told him I noticed it was ordered and wanted to know if he got up or if his friend did. No accusations or assumptions. I was very good about it.
I consider that a big thing for Shane to talk to him about it. And I'm glad he told him he needed to fork it over. I hope this behavior continues. It's peaceful. But I do want to go to counseling anyway because I have issues I'd like to discuss anyway about my past and how it might be affecting me now.
Just wanted you all to know.
Mel

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Good Good. Thanks for asking.
I am considering asking J to go to come "communication counseling" yet again. The last times we were going, some good things were reinforced, but some bigger stuff that I'd always dealt with came bubbling up and required more attention...so some of JASON's stuff didn't get taken care of. I'll have to make notes so when I get there it doesn't get confusing and I forget to bring up some of our communication issues.
We had another "thing" on Friday night. While I handled it very well, I think, it still wasn't resolved. I still have some resentment at his way of talking down/being negative when I share things that are important to me. Or make what should be simple inquiries. If I could tell him "It really hurts me when you ...." and he could take note and work on it, that'd be fine. But he DOESN'T see it, and apparently thinks I am making it up and being difficult and just want everything "my way" which isn't true. I just want some respect when I speak. And he should not be shocked if I #1 respond negatively when he disrespects me and #2 start bottling things up again.
He'll get it through his thick man skull one of these days. I know he's not really trying to be a jerk. He just needs some help in seeing how harmful some of his reactions to Tyler and I are. He's pretty hurtful with peoples feelings. Keeps stomping on them, then (for example) wonders why Tyler gets pouty and quits talking to him.
That actually happened yesterday. He down-talked and snapped at and was constantly sarcastic with Tyler while we were out watching football. Ty WAS initially in a great mood, but he slid downhill into a sullen moody non-responsive human being. NO WONDER! I sat there and watched it happen. When Ty went to play a game, Jas asked why Ty does such a "180" sometimes. And I had to be honest with him, even if it did hurt his feelings, and tell him in no uncertain terms that it was his behavior that brought about the transformation. He didn't get it. I said "You know, it makes me angry too" and Jas said he could see that too, but still didn't understand what he did wrong. Said he was different than me and he was a dad and dad's are different than mom's. I said 'Yes, but they shouldn't get such negative results simply from being more firm than a mom. There's a difference between being firm, and just being a sarcastic unkind person. I am sorry you can't see it.
So I stopped. D and I eat with or without them.
I am looking forward to counseling. We are looking into whether our health insurance covers it or if I need to seek out a church to talk to someone there. But one way or another, I'm going to go.
Mel
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